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Sarai

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various stuff [31 Aug 2007|12:37am]
alright so just a quick note or two or three. ... well see.
i think the best way to do this is to do it in a list form because theres just a bunch of things that are like word hiccups and would take too much to write into a sentence.
1. will and i are no longer friends,
2. james and i are now friends,
3. im now friends with james' friends kristina and jo
4. olga is officially back in ma and living with me
5. my sister finally moves back to college on sunday
6. i joined this writing site called sky-tribe and put up some of my story
7. my story got little responce
8. im going to be selling fur coats...and buying a leather fox-trimed one for xmas
9. im very sleepy now
10. im off to bed
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Mexico [21 Jun 2007|04:24pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

So ive journied yet again. Im in Mexico right now. Its fun, mostly cuz i get to hang out with my friend Olga. We are gonna go see the pyramids of Teotihuacana tomorrow, or saturday havent decided yet. I am so excited about that its not even funny. its like the fufillment of some dream. speaking of dreams i had a weird one last night where everyone was telling me to cut my hair and it was just bizzare. anyways i think im gonna go nap now. ttyl
oh and whoever left the comment thanks. it was sweet.

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[31 May 2007|11:31pm]
im disapointed. its not like i was the one that really started this. you could have never said anything. it would have been better that way. just tell me no and that would have been fine. but the whole not talking to me thing is stupid. if i did something id rather know about it then be treated like im nothing. do you know how much that hurts. do you know how many times thats happened, after a while you loose faith, in yourself. i thought you might be different. i thought you might be a better one, not like all the rest. i was fine where i was and you pulled me out of my world only to leave me stranded. its not fair. all i want is an answer. just something simple like "no i dont want to", or even "no thanks" or "i cant" even "no" would be better. but this whole no knowing the answer thing sucks. im loosing patience and soon im not even going to bother. i wish it were different but im not the easiest person in the world to get along with. i know this. as alfred says im an ocean and shouldnt waste my waves on the shore, but sometimes they do, and there are always thoes pesty islands. i know you didnt know, how could you, my feelings have been under lock and key for years now. i hardly let them show. but this week is hard, tomorrow harder still and it couldnt have been a worse time for you.

tomorrow june 1st is the one year anniversary of my uncle's death. it is going to be a hard day. all i really want to do is cry. but i know once i do i wont stop. i can and never will understand the reasons why God had to take him away. but i will honor him this day and on our birthday. it will be painful but my hope is in time the pain will lessen. maybe someday it will be so dull as to no longer feel it. he did so much for me and i can only repay him now by helping his family as much as i can. there is so much he will miss out on and i can only hope that my help is exactly that, help. pray for me, pray for my family, but more important pray for his family, the loving wife he left behind and the three beautiful children he did as well. i can still here his voice telling me they would be exactly like us "two girls and a boy"......i will always miss you Peter, our birthday will never be the same
Peter T. Pastore June 1 2006
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[19 May 2007|07:18pm]






What Kind of Kiss Are You?... <3 (includes pictures)



You are a Romantic kiss!Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket You love romantic things like flowers and slow music to set the mood. Or even just a really romantic setting. People love how romantic you are.
Take this quiz!








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Funny answering machine messages
"Hello this is Deathm I'm not in Right now, but if you leave your name and number I'll put you on my list and get to you as soon as possible."
"Cant take your call, Im hiding from the men in white coats, we've been playing hide adn seek for weeks now and they still havent found me. hehe. Leave a message"
"Hellp this is (your name)'s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her iPod, so I'm stuck taking her calls."
"Hello you have reached the aoutomated answering service of (your name), your message will be answered in the order in which it was recieves. your message is number 8, 243, please hols as your message is important to us."
"hello this is john
if you are the phone company i already sent the money
if you are my parents, please send more money
if you are my financial aid institution, you didnt loan me enough money
if you are my friends, you owe me money
if you are a single female, dont worry i have plenty of money"
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nifty [08 May 2007|07:51pm]
nifty this thing is still here....well i should go back to writing my papers....16 more pages left to go
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HOME and Christmas [23 Dec 2006|10:44am]
Im HOME!! its great, fighting with the family as of day 1 and its great. miss Ireland a ton though. I miss laura, daniel, andrew, aidan, brian and cormac. but either way

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!
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16 and counting [02 Dec 2006|03:14pm]
SO its only 16 days till i come home. im rather excited i cant wait, i cant wait to be home with my mum and dad, josh and becca. i miss my cleo and cream. i miss my bed. i miss my car. i miss everything. but im also going to miss a lot from here. im deff going to miss my housemates. they are awsome, daniel, laura and andrew were the best house mates i could have asked for. im going to miss aidan. and im even going to miss brian and cormac. there are so many good memories to take home with me though, so i cant wait. its has deffinately been a life changing experience.
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[24 Oct 2006|07:35am]
Alright, so i ended up with bronchitis, who wouldve thought. but im better now. so i only stayed one day in dublin and ended up going on a bus tour and didnt see the book of kells. oh well, maybe ill go back there. lets see what else is new. oh mummy might come visit after thanksgiving which would just be so awsome. i know it'll only be like two weeks before i go home but i really just need that hope of her coming to get me through this. i havent a clue why i am so homesick but i am. on a happy note I have a new cousin, Mary Christine O'Neil born October 22 at 5:59, 7lbs 14 oz. I cant wait to get pictures.
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[15 Oct 2006|09:55am]
Ok so tonight I am going to Dublin with noelle and am really excited. im deffinately gonna go see the book of kells and trinity college. other than that i really dont have much of a plan. just see what i can and have a good time. im still really homesick half the time and today and yesterday especially. i wish will was around cuz he would just give me a BIG hug and make everything better. I miss will a ton, me sad. and i miss olga, i cant believe she is sooo far away. i talked to the italy crowd last night at robs farewell. im gonna miss rob so much, why does he have to go to seatle its not fair. anyways i just miss everyone. three months is a LONG time. but like rosa says im finding myself and who i am here. its a beautiful country it really is. im going back to italy for thanks giving. so that should be a ton of fun.
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IRELAND [29 Sep 2006|01:29pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | john mayer ]

ALrighty then, Im in IRELAND, its beautiful here, when its not raining. Lets see whats gone on. alright. i have 5 house mates they are great!! Im so glad we seem to get along pretty well. im hoping it continues that way. there are 2 other girls anya and laura, laura is fucking awsome, shes so off the wall. i think shes gonna keep me on my toes. but in a good way. we go out to the lodge together and its great times. yeah the lodge is a night club/pub thats soooo crowded this week. anya, i dont know how to spell her name, she nice, quiet and does her own thing, but we still get on the few times i see her. then there are 3 guys, i know right. anyways, daniel is really nice, he seems fun, i havent gone out with him yet but ive talked with him a few times and hes totally kewl. then there is andrew, hes a bit of a mystery, hes really quiet but nice. so hopefully ill get to know him better before december. and my last house mate is joseva, and i cant spell that either, i can barely pronouce it. hes from northern spain and doesnt speek a lot of english so we have all sorts of comunica probs. but we get on great. a lot of laughs to be had at misunderstanding. oh as for the irish speaking english, not in this life time. there are so many differences in terms and pronunciations that its like a whole other language. but i have picked up savage and craich from them, which is brillant. i used to use brilliant and grand already so in that i fit in grand. hehe. lets see, then colleen from BSC lives above me with 3 other american girls. kati, bethany, and lauren, they're great. lauren and i are really alike so we great on grand. plus we're homesick together. shes from cali, bethany is from maine and is rather quiet. kati is from hawaii, how nice, plus she is a horse person. then there is this other american lizzie from ny that lives in the building next door, and shes a blast. ok now across the hall is sarah who i had a grand time talking with the other day, shes from ohio. she lives with aidan who i hooked up with, i know omg right. yes its true. anyways hes fine, fun and just plain amazing, just friends now thou...with benefits should the opprotunity come up again. which is fine cuz i dont want to have a full scale relationship that i will have to leave behind. then also there is cormack whos also a blast. bryan is there too but hes really quiet. havent gotten to know him much at all but i see him all over the place. and last but not least of the curcius is noell, shes out in dublin for work study but was down for last weekend. shes fucking insane. i loved her...great person. so yeah for right now thats the group. school is grand. im loving it. i didnt want my romanticism class to end. the teacher is great. my intro to lit is gonna be easy but new. irish folklore, cant wait. irsih lit rev is the same teacher as romanticism and its grand too. its gonna be my lightest semester ever, not even freshman year was this easy, but it'll be fun... and ill learn stuff from different views. which is gonna be great. ok right now i need a nap. i have a bit of a cold coming on. nightnight

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Peter [08 Sep 2006|08:14pm]
i dont understand why the good people die and the bad linger on there is no point. i question god with out being answered in return. on jul 3 only about 10 minutes after having written my last entry my family recieved a phone call that my uncle had died. i can still not bear the pain it hurts like no knife could ever hurt. i hate him for dying without having been able to say good bye. i hate that his kids will never know him and that i will celebrate my birthday alone for the first time in my life. i can not bear the fact that he is gone i still expect him to walk through the door and say hello. i still want him to be able to pick up the phone. you left us to pick up the pieces and we are doing as well as we can but its only so much. why did god want you so much more than we needed you. it makes no sense. i can only try and pick up and move on with life but i know i will always feel as if i am missing a limb. it hurts so much and yet not at all because i know we will see you again. its just a matter of time. i just wish you hadnt gotten there first.
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long time not talkies [03 Jul 2006|08:52pm]
Umm yeah so this is basically an update to see if this thing still works. not that anyone reads it. umm lets see just incase, im still me im still here and im on a computer that i locked myself outta the main account. which means in normal terms im stupid. so now unless someone has a way to perform miracles or go back in time and figure out what i did im screwed. inorder to fix this little problem im probably gonna have to delete everything and start all over again. thankfully the most important stuff is all backed up because i have had way to many problems with this computer its a mess. i am really begining to hate dell not that this last problem was their fault.. but dont they have like a hacker or something that they can use to get into my computer its crazy. and then my mum was like yelling at me and everything and im just pissed. and now im never letting anyone who is not me use this computer cuz im just not happy about my brother and his friends using my computer. but you know the next time josh needs the computer supossedly for homework the rents are gonna make me hand it over to him and thats just not kewl. well next semester at lest he cant use it cuz ill be a whole ocean away in ireland and he'll be here and they will just all have to deal with it as best they can and get over themselves. ok wow i vented good. well ttyl
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MIXED FEELINGS [07 Mar 2006|10:43pm]
OK so heres the thing. life suxs. i mean its not at all kind thats all for now
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[29 Jan 2006|09:42pm]
i want to cry i am sad and alone and it seems like no one really cares any more and that is the hardest part...how do you know when you aren't wanted anymore or was it that i was never wanted??? i try to help i try to stand tall and be a tower to all of my friends and they all confide in me for the most part they poor their troubles on me and mostof the time i don't mind, i learn from their mistakes with out having to make my own ones... but then when someone doesnt when she turns away and shows no emotion as if closing a door that i cannot open what do i do then its like the foundation on which i stand i dust and how can i climb out of it. now my greatgrandmother is dying and the time when i need my friends most is here but do i confide to them no and its because i wonder if they will turn from me as she did and leave me when i am most vunerable alone and with out hope....so what am i to do?? i know that they will all worry and they will ask if i am ok but i will say yes and retreat further in to myself and further from them.
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[28 Jan 2006|06:54pm]
Your Birthdate: January 31

You're a pretty traditional person. If it's lasted, it's probably good.
You seek stability - both in your career and your romantic relationship.
In return, you're very loyal and predictable. Which is usually a good thing.
Without a partner, you feel lost. Being with someone is very important to you.

Your strength: Your dependability

Your weakness: You hate being alone

Your power color: Midnight blue

Your power symbol: Shell

Your power month: April





Your Birth Month is January

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.
Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.

Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona

Your gemstone: Garnet

Your flower: Snowdrop

Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue





Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.
But you may be ready in a couple of years.
You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.
And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.




What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping.
Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well.
You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to hog the covers.
You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations.




Your Life Path Number is 11

Your purpose in life is to inspire others

Your amazing energy draws people to you, and you give them great insight in return.
You hold a great amount of power over others, without even trying.
You have the makings of an inventor, artist, religious leader, or prophet.

In love, you are sensitive and passionate. You connect with your partner on a very deep level.

You have great abilities, but you are often way too critical of yourself.
You don't fit in - and instead of celebrating your differences, you dwell on them.
You have high expectations of yourself. But sometimes you set them too high and don't achieve anything.
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[17 Jan 2006|10:50pm]
Gil Grissom
Your are Gill Grissom!!!
You the kind of person who notices the little
things, its the big things that some times miss
your radar. In most situations you like to take
a step back and are suprised when the twists
and turns of life pull you in. And you think
this in no way applies to you. Your the kind of
peron who hits back and dose the quiz again,
eh? eh? are ya gonna???

http://www.flatoutblind.org/grissom/index.php


What CSI are you?
brought to you by Quizilla







find your element
at mutedfaith.com.



Grace
You are Grace.You love your best friend Will more
than anything in the world even though he has
broken your heart in the past. You tend to
screw things up but hey it entertains the rest
of us.


What character from Will and grace are you
brought to you by Quizilla


The Magic
You reflect the magic of the spirit. You are a
mystical person who values the magic in life.
You enjoy the beauty in almost everything;
every sound, smell, touch, taste. Although you
find yourself pulled back to reality by the
pollution of earth, this a very lovely quality
to have, for there isn't much magic left.


Please rate high ;-)


Reflections of the Spirit?
brought to you by Quizilla


HASH(0x8b1c540)
Which Goddess Are You?!? *with never before seen pics and goddesses*

brought to you by Quizilla
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[26 Dec 2005|10:11pm]
Alright so this last weeurk was the one week that I was so excited about for like forever. My friends from Arkansa, the Twins were coming to visit and they were going to stay with me. I cleaned my house and set everything up for them and my brother even lived in the basement so that they could have a room. so anyways they get here and i do a great job at leading them into thinking that we are meeting just katie at good days and then a ton of people were there and they got to see like a ton of people that they knew before. so it was really good and all but then they went with katie on friday which i didn't mind cuz i went to Stephanie's concert, which was awsome. so anyways i am on my way home and the twins call and say meet us at the daily grind. so i go and twice my car fishtails a little on these patches of black ice, not kewl but whatever i was driving slow and shit. but anyways i get to the daily grind, get something to drink and sit down to wait. so the twins and katie show up and to make this a little shorter my mum calls and wants us home by a certain time, katie flips, mouths off, i flip and mouth off, i leave and the twins have to run to catch me so they can go home. then the next day is sat and the twins are going to sleep over katies cuz i was going to an xmas party, so i go and as i am droping them off at the train station i realized they didn't have their clothes for the night or the next day and ask when they will be back from boston to pick up their stuff. so turns out i have to spend like 20 minutes of my party trying to get them to getkatie to take them to my house so they can get their clothes. ends up that my mum has to call and give them an ultimatum about when they can pick up their stuff. so i leave my party, not that i wanted to and drive home, i get home and its like mindnight and as i get into my room the twins call and are like can we still pick up our stuff?? so i let them in and then go to bed. the next day i go to my family xmas party and tell the twins i'll be home around 7 and they don't come in till like 9 so thats like 2 and a half days i don't see the "friends" that are living in my house for a week . so monday comes and i take the twins to school and they decided that they were going to go to boston again, and lunch with blake, so we go to lunch and then i go to PT and they go to boston. mind you they both have colds and the night is gonna be in the negs and they have like spring jackets and thats all, they come back around 12 or 1. so thats another day i really don't see them, so guess what...lauren gets bronchitis and is very sick, so tue we don't do anything, but we do have 2 ppl over for dinner and then go to a movie cuz its inside and warm, but this is after me and my niece driving to 3 stores and to cvs for these kids. then wed i go to school with my niece and we meet up with steph and we have a great time, talking and hanging out and shit. i go home cuz we were going to go to the pc friars hockey game, instead kristin suggests that my niece and i go and she and lauren stay at my house and invite katie over to hang out, mind you i hate katie, my mum does, my dad does, my bro and sis do too...so no one wanted her at my house at all, the twins didn't seem to get that through their brians. so my niece and i stay at home and watch tv with lauren till we send her to bed and then its just me and my niece cuz kristin went out to dinner with katie and a bunch of other people, mind you i knew several of them as well....grrr. so anyways will comes over to cheer up lauren in this chipmunk suit and she is so not having it and ignores him. then katie and nobu come to say goodbye and i go to bed its like 1 in the morning. i get up at 3 in the morning so that they can pack their stuff into the car and my mum and i can drive them to providence. needless to say i got them and their stuff out of the car asap. so all in all i spent not even a day with those idiots, and they will never be coming to my house to stay ever. i have already deleted thier number out of my cell phone. also they never called me to tell me that they go back safe but i bet that they called katie. but they have the gall to call me on christmas, who does that, thats family time, i was on the phone for like 2 minutes....grr....and you know what i hope that they read this too. so they know how fucking pissed off i am and know that i really don't like them anymore, not only that but they didn't lift a fucking finger to help clean the messes that they made....and yet today crystal helped me clean and washed the dishes of her own accord without even being asked...and my italy friends are also so great, some brought some brought gifts like wine or desserts on sat, another was thier when my niece's car broke down and he volunteered to help push the car into the drive without even asking. and others offered to help out with one thing or another. thats what real friends and classy people do. ok im done with venting now
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[13 Dec 2005|09:20pm]
old habits die hard, i thought i was through with this crap but i guess not, i don't know why its back...but i know it has to do with them. i mean if they could just stop and look back they would see that i have done well in my life for the most part...but thats not what they see they see only the here and now and all my flaws. i can't even get a break, thats all i want i just want time to sit and do nothing, they get it. why can't i? its not like everything won't get done eventually and often just when its supposed to be done or handed in or due or whatever. but no they have to threaten and yell and scream and that other thing, but if i try to be heard its like i am a bug just something to be squashed and crushed under a heel. its like they forget all the things the compliment me on. so my room is a mess, so i was watching the tv, so my friends are coming, everything will be done when it is meant to be done by and you know what all that yelling wouldn't have helped in the least. in fact it harms, it hurts, it brings pain and distrust...if you ever wonder why i don't trust, don't love, don't put my self out there these are the reasons why. no one likes a damaged product, its not worth anything...sometimes i wonder if they could just pretend that they can trust me to get the things done that i have to get done. i know what i can do and when its not like i just fly by the seat of my pants...i only wish that this helped more...took more of the pain away, but its safe for the most part. people only care about my feeling when they are bored right, its not like they really like to pay attention. i know i run my self down, but sometimes how can you not, when you are up they pull you down, and yet what would they do?? if i did what they said, left them behind, never talked to them again....never saw them...i know they would cry and be angry, but i don't think they would ever truly think that it had something to do with them, but rather that it was society, which it is as well, but there is so much more to everything so many different points of view that its impossible to see all of the angles, i wish i could tell them how fragile i am how right now my mind is like a bubble and they have burst it...now how do you fix that....can you even fix that??
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FUCK THE WORLD [12 Dec 2005|06:18pm]
OK so today was ok until about five minutes ago. you see five minutes ago I realized that I am a rather mean person sometimes, not that I try to. But rather what I think is a joke or something fun, annoys or hurts people. and so now i am really rather down. life suxs, a lot. i really don't know what to say, i know what i want to do, cry and shit. but its just not coming out. right now i would really love to go and get some consoling from a friend, but im not sure if they are really my friends, have i offended them..?i was so happy and excited and now i am as low as i have been in a long long while. it hurts, physically hurts to know that no one tells me to truly shut up or to stop something. they laugh and joke and push it to the side, i like direct answers not the roundsbout means of possibly finding something out. i wish i could go back and repair the damage that i unknowingly did. but perhapse if i had known, if someone once took me aside and said to me that it wasn't fun...then maybe i could have saved a lot of people from being hurt by me. one person in particular doesn't tell me anything, only what is on the surface. another tells me things only when absolutely necessary. and yet another doesn't really tell anyone anything. so why does it all matter, its beyond me. i want to teach...i want to share knowledge and yet here i am unable to decern the actions that i make. its like everything is falling apart in front of my eyes. thursday two of my old friends come to visit and i have realized i no longer talk or hang out with the people that we were all friends with, i suddenly find myself trying to invent reasons that I can't go with them to this or that. but i want to spend time with them, but im afraid that it will be akward, which it will, but in a bigger sense than most things. there has never been a time when i have felt so totally in between worlds. its like i never fitted and never will. sometimes i wonder if i am really meant to be where i am, if i had only taken this turn or that would it all be different, would it all be better. if i had just stuck my head out of a book for time when they handed out the social qualities, maybe then i would have been able to find a place to live, learn and love. the other day i was thinking that if i went to ireland i would miss so much, but now i know that there is nothing much that i will miss because there is nothing much that is fit in with anymore. my italy friends are closer to me than anyone has ever been but now i am afraid that i have hurt them or that i don't really fit and they are just going through the motions. i wish and hope and pray and dream that this is all in my head, but then i look behind me at the path i have lead through life and see that it is strewn with heartbreak and turmoil. maybe there is something else for me, maybe not....an ominuos ending to an akward day
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[23 Nov 2005|01:51pm]
ok so its wed before thanksgiving and i only really had one class today so i came to school for one class. technically i was supposed to have english but it was rather optional and i really didn't feel like sitting there talking about the odyessy for a lifetime. so anyways i only went to history and i wasn't really in the mood to pay a lot of attention so instead i made cartoons and pictures, i know that heretz saw me but i don't particuarly car cuz i did answer some questions and wrote some stuff down. im not sure if he really cared much either, there were only like 15 0r 20 ppl there outta like 40 or something. he made us do this signin type thing for god only knows what reason. so then i came to the cafe and that was good for a while cuz sarah was there and then kaitlin and suzie were here and thats was nice to see them cuz i haven't all semester. but then they left and i was left all alone, so not fun, so then i worked on one of my stories and i ran outta steam so now i am doing this. and i am sitting here waiting form shan to get outta class at like 230 and im also sitting next to this piece of cake that kristen gave me, and i know i souldn't eat it but its yummy...oh well. i think im gonna go and take like a zillion qiuzzes to pass the time and thats about all i got. so yeah that my life right now and her is shannon i am so amazed i can go home.
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