Sad Song   
02:00am 07/02/2004
mood: crushed
I wish i was happy
not sad like now
To sit in my room
and laugh would be great,
but now all i can do is cry.
Why would God make me feel this way,
this way that i have felt for a while now.
I don't think it is funny, or a joke...
But it's kind of weird, that i am acting this way.
Because, my life is falling apart, day by day.
Nothing is ever the same, I just don't know..
The life in which i lived is never coming back?
I don't understand, Where did it GO???
I loved it so much, and now it's just old news..
Will i ever get it back, will it find my soul?
Oh please God, make me smile once more! (by me) yeah, am i good or am i bad.. GOOD haha

(i was depressed when i wrote this like crying depressed, can ya tell haha)
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Faking All Outside   
11:23pm 30/01/2004
mood: lethargic
music: Walk Away *Pink*
Trying hard, to think happy thoughts. Laughing like I am aren't happy, they are sad, or around there. Can't get away to let out my fears, my pain I'm trying to hold in. Keep a secret, nobody can know. Can anyone tell, since yesterday that I am faking a smile? Playing them all, acting out a performance. I'm to afraid, and annoyed to show everyone what I feel like inside, for now...Until this changes, I will still be faking that smile.

Just Jealouse   
05:11pm 30/01/2004
mood: bitchy
music: Last To Know *Pink*
I use to be great friends with all this girls for a long time. They are real preps, i have nothing agianst them, till they have to be mean. or talk behind my back. All my friends backs, what the hell. One of them are the biggest slut in the school she lost her V-card in the 6th grade she was 12...but the are so rude, i am friends with some of them out of school, but during school the wouldn't even say hi, is don't undersatnd...I know i an't jealouse, but if they talk about myfriends and me at lunch or anytime that is jealousey my friends, i mean we sat at the lunch table right infront of them, and the where talking about us..what the hell how rude, talk abouts if you want but not so we can hear LOSERS haha
love is confusing   
08:53am 29/01/2004
mood: confused
music: Rancid
I am so confused, it really can't get any worse. (maybe it can, yeah it can) Anyways, I really liked this boy (levi) since like 1st grade. He got held back, so he is in 7th. He is a prep, jock, pretty boy. I usally don't go for those kind of guys, but i am crazy for him... I don't want to like him, I stopped for a while..or hide that I still liked him inside. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I mean he said he liked me, but then went out with this bitch. I guess he might still like me, but i don't know. Then this guy (wanka) that liked me since like 5th grade..aww right..well i think of him as a friend more then a boyfriend, but i am thinking about going out with him..but i don't know..I am just sooo confused right now, nothing new..SOMEONE HELP..ahh..guys suck (not really) but i'm mad haha
My one, only, everything   
11:13am 02/01/2004
mood: thirsty
music: Save My Life *Pink*
I'm confused
I'm scared
I don't know what I want
I don't know what to do
The only thing I can see is blue
I'm not sure
I'm not okay
I need you now, like I needed you yesterday
You must not get it
But you need to understand
Please figure it out
Don't let me complain
I'm searching for answers
I'm trying to find my soul
The only thing i know is you
I'm shaking
I'm nervouse
I need to touch my goal
Go to dream land
Find my deepest wishes
All i want to see is you
I want to feel your presents
I need the warmth
Tell me, boy will you give me your heart
I'm promising things
I'm facing my fears
All i need is for you to be near
My one, my only, Please, boy, be my everything

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