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Man of The Sun

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[06 Aug 2003|05:38am]
WOOHOO IM 18
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[04 Aug 2003|03:07pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | SOAD Roulette ]

tomorrows school and im so scared. Not of the classes or anything but of what will happen between me and you. I know what i am. And its not easy being the one you dont want. Cause i would do anything to be with you. And with the recent things that have been going on...i...i know we will never be what i need us to be...

LOVE...HATE...PERFECTION...DEPRESSION...YOU...ME...ENDLESS LOVE NEVER RETURNED

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ZIGGY MARLEY:Melancholy Mood [29 Jul 2003|12:10am]
[ mood | stressed ]

A little collie weed to ease I grief
too much agony living in the limits of big city
a little collie weed to meditate
too much insanity in this society

melancholy mood I eat for my food melancholy mood

rise this morning smile with the sun
oh I'm blessed another day has begun
everything in life has its purpose
find its reason it has its season

melancholy mood I eat for my food melancholy mood

tears leave my eyes I just want to fly
deep down I feel pain
but I know I must rise again

from this melancholy mood melancholy mood
melancholy mood I eat for my food melancholy mood
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All i know. Is that im a better human being just that i know you [24 Jul 2003|10:40pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Lit: Dozer ]

Well, this sucks. Ive totally stopped talking to Michelle. And I was so close to seeing her at school. I was about to make it. But I broke and now we're not talking. I told her that I wouldn't till I finally got over her. Its not right for me to still feel like I do about her, when she doesn't feel the same way. I hope I can actually make it till I get over her. If I do get over her and start talking to her I know we'll be better for it. It feels like a huge burden has been lifted from my heart but at the same time I have a whole new and heavier one crushing me from the inside. I don't want to lose the feelings I have for her but at the same time I know I must move on.
FEELINGS are hell

I cant tell you what you need to hear.
I cant give you what you need to heal.
I cant touch you what you need to feel.

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faceless democrats kill my culture and rape my mind of all good [23 Jul 2003|11:44pm]
[ mood | irate ]
[ music | HIM Right Here In My Arms ]

I sit here and bitch every night about how rotten thins are in my life. When really there's nothing wrong. My life is just the same as everyone else's. And for some reason I think that mine should matter more than others. When Im the last person people think about when it comes to troubled. I need a wake up call something that will make me change my outlook on the way things are. I have a car, a job, close friends and anything I want I can get. But I still think my life sucks. Damn that Ashly girl I really liked her and she had to fuck things up. Needless to say im trying to find something to bitch about. Tomorrow is the warped tour and I think im the only one going. I....I....Ive forgotten all the good so I can focus on the bad.

What drives me is attention. I love it, I live off it. Ill do anything for it. LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK....AT....MEEE!!!!!

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Even though you dont love me, doesnt mean i have to stop loving you. You were the one who changed [21 Jul 2003|10:55pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Bob Marley:No Woman, No Cry ]

god i hate this. I spent the whole day argueing with my ex. Which i didnt need at all. And whats worse there was no reason to the arguement. Sometimes i hate that we fight like this especially now that theres nothing going on with us. I swear our realationship is backwards. We never used to fight when we were together, things got really hot and heavy after we broke up and now that she doesnt love we fight all the time. I blame it on her being so far away. Cause we never used to fight when she was in a stoned throw away. She doesnt realize how bad i need her in my life. Ill try anything to keep her at least as a friend. But in the end itll be all up to her to decide whats going on between us. I talked to 2 very close friends about the subject and they had some very choice thoughts about my situation. My favorite comment was

im just saying u still show her
u care about her, thats why it
doesnt matter how bitchy she
is with you, cause she knows.
thats u will still be there for her

Right now i need to breath, take in all the good. And think about my elusive goddess
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Dont cry for me. Im already dead [21 Jul 2003|12:17am]
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | No Doubt: You Can Do It ]

I think im starting to get over my depression. I feel happy and not anxious now. When i wake up im not bitter at all. And I dont even have a girl. I thought id need one to be happy but i guess i was wrong. All i need ismy friends and a pizza place to hang out at. But dont get me wrong it would be great to have someone. i just need to find one that actually likes me for once.

School starts soon. Im starting to get excited about it. Not cause of school because i get to be with my friends all day. I also hate sleeping till 11 or 12 it makes me feel like ive wasted the day. Im down half a credit which isnt good. Maybe i should actually try passing for once, But im afraid that if i try and still fail i wont be able to blame it on my lazyness. Ill have only my sub par brain to blame.
OOOooo... and maybe there'll be a new girl at school that strikes my fancy. who knows.

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This is me, or so the stars say [19 Jul 2003|11:56pm]
Leo is the fifth Sign of the Zodiac. These folks are impossible to miss, since they love being center stage. Making an impression is Job One for Leos, and when you consider their personal magnetism, you see the job is quite easy. Leos are an ambitious lot, and their strength of purpose allows them to accomplish a great deal. The fact that these folks are also creative makes their endeavors fun for them and everyone else. It's quite common to see a Leo on stage or in Hollywood, since these folks never shy away from the limelight. They are also supremely talented and have a flair for the dramatic. Warmth and enthusiasm seems to seep from every Leo pore, making these folks a pleasure to be around. They do love pleasure! It's the Lion which symbolizes Leos, and the king of the jungle is a most appropriate mascot, since these folks consider themselves the rulers of their universe (and the Zodiac at that). Like Lions, Leos tend to be dignified and strong, and it is this sense of their power which allows them to get things done. A Leo on your team is a good thing, since Lions are eager to see their projects through to completion. Putting these folks at the helm is a good thing, too, since the Leo-born are natural leaders. They may ruffle a few feathers along the way, however, since they can also be overbearing and somewhat autocratic. This may be in keeping with the Fixed Quality assigned to this Sign -- Lions are indeed opinionated and set in their ways. That said, they are well organized, idealistic and have a knack for inspiring others.
Leo is ruled by the Sun, the center of the universe and the fuel for our being. In much the same way, Leos consider themselves indispensable and the center of the universe, and those who would tell them otherwise had better look out! Lions are outgoing, self-assured and have a tremendous zest for life. So what if the world revolves around them? There are worse role models, for sure. The Lion's enthusiasm is boundless, and along with that comes generosity of spirit and the determination to succeed. That focus may be construed as vanity and even bossiness at times, but Lions would say 'No way!' and continue along their regal path. Regardless of appearance, those born under this Sign can be counted on for their loyalty and sense of honor. They are also decisive, intensely proud and wonderfully romantic. The Element associated with Leo is Fire. Everything about the Lion's personality is hot, hot, hot. Those born under this Sign are fearless and strong, which may be why Lions plunge in head first and let the chips fall where they may. Thankfully, Leos are dignified enough not to commit too many pratfalls. It's the Lion's unswerving courage that wins so many folks over. If you need someone to lead the charge, call a Leo -- and the bigger the project, the better, since these folks love an expansive stage (and the audience that comes with it). While some would take to calling Lions status-conscious, these folks are truly warmhearted and want everyone to be happy. Hey, it's their kingdom, and happy campers make for a perfect peace. Further, it's the great gift of the Leo-born to be dynamic, forward-thinking and self-confident. These attributes certainly catch the attention of others, making Leos sought after by both friends and lovers. The Lion's charms extend to all, even to the children they dearly love. Yes, the pleasure principle is paramount to the Lion, and along those lines, Leos are great at spending money. Lions can't fathom an uncomfortable throne. Leos also enjoy trying their luck at the tables, so expect to find them living it up in Las Vegas.Come play time, Leos are at their best. Those born under this Sign enjoy fun and games both outdoors and in (and with a group), so expect to find them playing softball, hockey or a game of cards. Lions are also a natural at the gym, where they can show their stuff to a crowd. When the lights are low, the essential Lion comes to the fore, since this beast is 90% fun and 100% romantic. The Leo lover is devoted, creative and almost too hot to handle! Since Leo rules the heart and back, however, overzealous Lions may have to take a deep breath and slow down a bit. You can bet that the Lion's home will be swaddled in royal purple and gold.

The great strengths of the Leo-born are their creativity, idealism and leadership. Lions don't lack for ambition, either, so they're likely to accomplish a lot -- and have fun while they're at it. Their warmth and loyalty ensures that others will enjoy the ride as well.
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Life is a runaway dream and im the cow on the tracks [19 Jul 2003|04:04am]
[ mood | predatory ]
[ music | my mind is yelling so i cant listen to a word ]

I sit here and wonder what will happen tomorrow. Hoping that the day will arrive when she comes to me. The one that i have not yet met, my love. I do think that theres is someone out there for everyone. But I dont know if my only one is anywhere in this country or even thinks i exist. And whats worse what if i did meet her and i passed her by and thought nothing of it.

I really dont want to sleep anymore. Im afraid i might miss a second of life. I dont want to go while i sleep so i wont sleep.

I need someone in my life. Someone jus like Michelle. Someone i can give everything too and know she loved ever single peice of me. Not saying she ever did or didnt cause i dont know. Hhmmmm.....maybe tomorrow i will meet her, waiting for me to be waiting for her

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First Off..... [17 Jul 2003|04:38pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Dwarves: I Will Deny ]

Today was a lazy dog....how does the rest go? Anyway i got myself an account on this cause Lauren told me to. I found out that Cella Cruz died today. I know most people dont know her. But she was really big. And with her and Tito Puente dead. The only real spanish mucisian alive is Carlos Santana. And that aint right. Theres too much death in this world. Im not afraid of death. Im afraid of whats after it. Maybe theres nothing behind it. Id be content with hell, all i want is my soul to live on for all time. And maybe to be remembered by people i didnt even know. Thats how you know you made a difference in the world. So from now on im not dwell on the things that make me feel bad. Never again. I have to go now bu ill finish later cause if got more to say

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