krystal's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[16 Aug 2003|11:22am]
Please extend your best birthday wishes topeculiar_smile.
Do it: 7 Did it - You won't do it! .

[14 Aug 2003|05:26pm]
I apologize for my complete lack of posts and comments recently. I have been super-busy with wedding stuff and school stuff and friend stuff - but I am going to update later after I get back from making their wedding favors.
Do it: You won't do it! .

[11 Aug 2003|12:22am]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | [ mark wills - she's in love ] ]

I just inherited a LiveJournal - Perkynpep. Add me there if you have !

Do it: You won't do it! .

[08 Aug 2003|01:19pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | [ simple plan - i'd do anything ] ]

Awww :) )

Do it: 4 Did it - You won't do it! .

[03 Aug 2003|12:31am]
I'm getting so frustrated trying to find the right words to express myself verbally that I just may give up and take the easy way out - a public , relatively anonymous journal entry would surely suffice. I'm saying "relatively anonymous" because I don't give out a great deal of personal info on here.\

But I need to express something. My friends don't understand a great deal about the relationship I'm in. They know my past - the dating , the hookups , the "player's club" ( inside joke ). They know that , in the past , I have stated many times that love doesn't exist , and "The One" doesn't exist.

I'm wrong on both counts. Love exists. Fate exists. Hooking up with guys really isn't fun at all. Condering the way this man makes me feel whenever I see him , I feel ashamed for all my previous conquests.

I know what we have is real. It's not based on superficial things. It's not based on appearances - although he is quite adorable. Things that I would normally write a man off for I completely ignore ( or maybe embrace ) in him. Everytime I write an entry about him and his problems , it sounds like me whining or complaining. It isn't that at all - I'm more proud of him and what he accomplished and the way that he plays the cards which he has been ( perhaps unfairly ) dealt. The only thing that upsets me is when other people act shallow or stupid , which , I admit sadly , I would probably do if the afflicted was someone other than my boyfriend , and that pisses me off more than anything. I have been much better with all that lately.

He makes me melt , literally. We're giving each other the promise - our bodies. I don't see our situation as a sacrifice. I see it as a bonus. It's strengthening our commitment to each other while allowing our union to remain based on love and not lust.
Do it: 4 Did it - You won't do it! .

[02 Aug 2003|04:04pm]
[ mood | pensive ]
[ music | [ mark wills - she's in love ] ]

I just realized , that , if you pick each and every one of the songs that accompany my entries , it would form one great big , fucked-up soundtrack to my life. I just re-discovered a whole bunch of old country songs I listened to in high school.

I forgot how absolutely sad these are. Everytime I put on one of these old cds , I'm "that girl" again. I haven't been her in at least 3 years , but it could be longer. I forgot all about me , the girl with the semi-curly , uncontrollable hair , the pants that were always at least 3 or 4 inches too long , the glasses that would never quite stay put , and the girl that no one noticed. I guess I more or less put that behind me.

I remember wanting someone , anyone , to pay attention to me. I wanted to be in the limelight. I didn't want to be the wallflower. I hoped that I would find someone I could instantly fall in love with.

Instead , I met a guy , we said we were in love , but we didn't know the difference. I would call what we had companionship - we were more friends than anything. I was always afraid that I would end up a spinster - no one would ever want to be with me. I would listen to sad country songs and write sad poetry to accompany them.

I always wondered what would happen if Eric ever saw any of my high school pictures. We talked about it a few nights ago. " I was fat , had huge glasses , and a stupid haircut that everyone made fun of. I was "that kid" ," he said , smiling. He doesn't regret it at all - he still doesn't see himself as attractive , but he knows that he lost the geekiness in high school.

Do it: You won't do it! .

[02 Aug 2003|09:42am]
This world is a strange place. Part of me doesn't understand it. Another part of me is grateful that I don't.

I returned a pair of pants to American Eagle that didn't look good on me after I bought them. Cost $29.99

Went to the Salvation Army with my $28.50 in tow ( needed a large Diet from Auntie Ann's first ). I bought one pair of grey dress pants , one pair of jeans with stars , a white sleeveless angora sweater , a yellow cardigan , a pink cardigan , and a Pocono youth Soccer shirt.

I left with $4 and change , and a bagful of gorgeous clothes , most of which has expensive labels ( limited , abercrombie , anne taylor ). I came home with far more than I started. I think that everyone should actively donate old clothing and purchase things at the store.
Do it: 1 Did it - You won't do it! .

[01 Aug 2003|06:04pm]
[ mood | angry ]

I just understand what I'm supposed to do. I did what I could to avoid this situation again at all costs. Instead , everything that I feared in the past is beginning to rear it's ugly head again.

I have lost several friends over "guy" issues. I ended up hating this girl that I was at one point very close friends with because she went behind my back to try and snag J* ( who would late become my first serious boyfriend ) from my clutches. I stopped speaking to Janine , who was honestly one of my closest friends freshman year because she not only actively pursued this guy hat I had a crush on all year , but she lied to me about hanging out with him and dating him.

Now one of my closest friends , Nicky , is trying to be all over Eric. She isn't. It's not working - he doesn't want any part of her , or , as he says , " I wouldn't hit that with a Mack truck ". Honestly , I'm torn. She's an awesome girl - when she isn't trying to hump every guy in sight. Thank god that Jordan was there to see how she was acting - I worry that I'm going to become "that jealous girlfriend".

On Tuesday , we ( by "we" , I mean Jordan , Eric , Chrissy , Mari - Jess - Devon ( three girls that Eric knew from school ) and Nicole and I ) went to the bookstore and then to Perkins. Nickie bought the Kama Sutra - and felt the need to show all of us. She then made several inappropriate comments about my boyfriend's ability to bend into the positions. Jordan saved me by saying , " Maybe Krystal and Eric could do those things together. They are both pretty small people ," which shut her up ( Nickie isn't exactly small ) , at least for the time being.

She knows that we're abstaining , and still felt the need to do that. BITCH!

It only got worse - she kept trying to touch him at the restaurant and threw an occasional innuendo in the conversation. My stress limit went through the roof when she said , "I loooooove your boyfriend" ( I apologize for the excessive "o" ' s - she stressed it that way when she said it ). Jordan snapped at her. I screamed ," No!" and he looked a bit ill. Grrr!

Do it: 3 Did it - You won't do it! .

You Complete Me [31 Jul 2003|12:57am]
Only the best guy in the world would offer to sit and watch Jerry Maguire with a bloated , cranky girl that is so tempermental s he could theoretically cry at the drop of the hat.

In case you haven't guessed by now , Eric is that guy. I felt too shitty to take him up on the offer , but it meant a lot that he coudl see me in this . . . state. I know that we are working to build a strong relationship , and that he felt no sense of obligation to see me , but I just don't feel up to being seen. I just want to sit her with my sodium-filled Diet Coke and endless supply of handpicked blueberries. A bottle or two of vodka would be nice , but I'm quite glad that I don't have an excessive amount of alcohol in my house. Cranky Krystal + alcohol would be an undoubtedly awful mix.

He's my best friend , plain and simple. I 've never felt like this about any other guy , but , as I have said before , he's not like any other guy I have been with. He isn't in the relationship for physical reasons or "benefits" ; physical stuff is just a bonus with us. We're not going to be having sex , although we do love each other. It won't be easy to avoid , but the fact that we are goign to try says something. It bumps up our commitment level , because the main focus is on the relationship that we have , and not the physical benefits of that relationship.
Do it: 2 Did it - You won't do it! .

[30 Jul 2003|11:11pm]
I just started up another community - towait. It is for anyone who is choosing to wait to have sexual intercourse until marriage. I formed that because I am having trouble finding like-minded individuals and because , quite honestly , it isn't an easy thing to do. Join if you wish! Free pancakes and lumberjack hats to the first member! :)
Do it: You won't do it! .

[29 Jul 2003|02:43pm]
My ex-boyfriend is still finding ways to irk me , even after I dumped him way back in January. It's starting to hit me now just how much of a waste-of-space idiot he truly was. My 11-year-old brother asked me today if PSU had a Professional Wrestler's degree. "If they did , I wouldn't be going there ," I told him. Apparently , Assmunch ( given name: vince ) told him that he had a degree in wrestling.

Let me clarify this: he took two extra semesters to finish his business degree , which he picked up from a branch campus. Let's put it this way - he only needed up to college algebra II for his degree math requirement ; no foreign language required .

He still bothers my friends , too. My friend ( and roomie in less than a month ) Jamie is the sweetest girl on the planet. He ims her all the time just to whine about his life and how things are just awful for him. Honestly , if he didn't do all the things he did , he wouldn't be a social pariah.

He always acted like he had some sort of academic edge on me. My grades completely kicked his ass. He was not more intelligent. He had a firm belief that women should stay home with the kids. He wanted a son , so he could name it after himself ( vincent john *** IV - what a stupid f'in name ). That would be the only kid. He also left me stranded somewhere without a ride - thank god I had someone there who would pick me up at the drop of a hat.

The only thing he is good for is comic relief. My friends all go crazy when I tell them the meet-the-family story. I went to his grandparent's house , where his uncle was walking around in the tiniest pair of boxers I have ever seen. His aunt was drunk. Their house smelled like cat piss. The best part was , the were "ready" for me.

That isn't the funny part - he told me that , since i met the rest of his family , I needed to meet his mom as well. The problem? His mother has been deceased for 8 years. He wanted me to go into the mausoleum to talk to her. Inside! No , thank you. I spoke to his father's new wife online - Suzie , i believe her name was. What a sweet woman. His dad seemed cool as well. However , he didn't consider Suzie to be his stepmom. He called them "relatives" , and refused to consider the girls ( who were around my age , and also sweet as pie )as his stepsisters. I can see why they off and moved to Texas without him! He was offended that they called him "Dad".

He always tried to control me and who I spent time with. He told me that my friends all were hating him and against h im and that the whole world was after him. He "needed" me. Well , no. The first time we broke up , he told me that he woudl wait and see. WAIT AND SEE? Nope. He dated another girl and then asked me back out. I was afraid of getting ditched in Wilkes-Barre , so I said yes. I dumped him online the next night , after recieving n othing but hate from my best friends.

Jordan was so excited that I dumped the fuckup that she invited me to a party. You all know the rest , I am sure ;) That was the first time I met my Eric. He hasn't left me stranded in public or called me stupid. :)
Do it: You won't do it! .

[28 Jul 2003|11:43pm]
[ mood | geeky ]
[ music | [ hanson - mmbop] ]

I apologize for this rant , but UGH! )

Do it: 1 Did it - You won't do it! .

[28 Jul 2003|11:35am]
[ mood | curious ]
[ music | [ evanescence - going under ] ]

"borrowed" ( OK , it was stolen ) from sparklingerin , who picked it up from thursdaynext

Sheer and Extreme Boredom = Herein Lies a Survey! )

Do it: You won't do it! .

[27 Jul 2003|04:29pm]
I was reading some of the old entries in my journal when I realized that I could actually watch the relationship between myself and Eric develop to where it is now. It's strange yet comforting. I do apologize for the amount of quizzes and surveys that I posted back in those days - it was only much later that I discovered the wonder that I now refer to as the LJ-cut.

When I look at him now , I can't remember ever not feeling that way about him. But I know that , realistically , it's been a relatively short time since we clicked. He's my best friend. He's honestly a blast.
Do it: You won't do it! .

Give hope a chance to float up. And it will. [27 Jul 2003|03:43pm]
[ mood | pensive ]
[ music | [ once upon a dream - sleeping beauty ] ]

Once upon a time , in a village in some woods , lived a girl. She was like no other girl anywhere. She was kind and beautiful. She liked to dance through the woods , to spin and twirl.

Once upon a time , in another village in some other woods , lived a boy. He was like no other boy anywhere. He was kind and handsome. He grew up to be even kinder and more handsome.

One day , when the girl was no longer a girl , and the boy was actually a man , she danced into his village. She cried ," I danced and twirled and spun so far that I don't know where I am. I can't remember from which way I've come."

He looked at her , and , in an instant , fell in love. " It doesn't matter from where you've come , my love. It only matters where you are now."

Do it: You won't do it! .

You had me from hello. [27 Jul 2003|03:37pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | [ to make you feel my love - garth brooks version ] ]

you say
i only hear what i want to

you say
i talk all the time . . so

and i thought what i felt was simple
and i thought that i don't belong
and now that i am leaving
i know i did something wrong

i missed you . . yah i missed you

you say i only hear what i want to
i don't listen hard , dont pay attention
to the distance that you're running
to anyone , anywhere
i don't understand if you really care
i'm only hearing negative - no no no BAD

so i turn the radio ON
turn the radio UP
and this woman was singing my song
lovers in love and the others run away
lover is crying while the other won't stay

some of us hover while we wait for the other
who is dying since the day they were born
this is not that.
i think that i'm throwing but i'm thrown.

and i thought i'd live forever
now i'm not so sure
you try to tell me that i'm clever
that won't take my anyhow or anywhere
wiht you

you said that i was naive
i thought that i was strong
i thought :"i can leave i can leave"
but i know that i was wrong

cause i missed you. yah i missed you.

you said you caught me cause you want me and one day you'll let me go.
you try to give away a keeper or you keep me because you're just so scared to lose.

you say . . . stay.

Do it: You won't do it! .

[27 Jul 2003|01:11pm]
[ mood | devious ]
[ music | [ god must have spent - N'Sync ] ]

This just in: Krystal's clumsiness level reached unparalleled heights this week while on vacation with boyfriend's family , immediate and extended. Here is a synopsis of the embarrasing moments , as witnessed by many:

Sunday: While carrying bags up to the first floor suite that the entire ***** family was to share , the subject's boyfriend thought that it would be a good time to tap her on the ass. When she reached to smack his hand away , he allegedly screamed "Dad , she's slapping me!". The father figure looked at the male subject and replied . "I do not think that she is the one doing the slapping".

Monday: Location: an Italian restaurant in the Washington Mall area of Cape May , New Jersey. Many local restaurants are BYOB , so that they do not have to maintain a liquor license. Boyfriend's 25-year-old brother brings two bottles of wine. Brother and girlfriend end up splitting one at dinner. Girlfriend becomes inebriated , as does boyfriend's father.

Tuesday: Plans were made with the extended family of ***** to meet at a certain restaurant that was halfway between Wildwood and Cape May. Girlfriend ends up slamming the door to the car on her thumb , resulting in a heavy loss of blood and a large crack across said nail. Extreme pain ensues. Girlfriend nearly passes out , and stares at individuals while they try to speak to her. Bartender gives girl glass of water with ice to numb her thumb. Girl stares blanky while he tries to explain what to do , which , in a nutshell , involved immersing her thumb in that glass.

Wednesday: Trip to Atlantic City to pick up Grandmother. Entire family goes to Caesar's Palace to eat lunch and then to gamble. During lunch at the buffet , girl knocks over chair. Waiter rushes over.

Thursday: Out to dinner with Eric and Eric alone. Orders me a Rum and Coke while I went to use the restroom. Downs that rather quickly. Has an Irish Coffee with dessert. Jager ( which I had before i left ) + Captain and Coke + Irish Coffee = a rather drunken stupor.

Friday: Boyfriend , Brother and Krystal are told by other family members that there is far too much alcohol left in the fridge. Boyfriend offers Krystal RedBull wiht Jager. Krystal hates RedBull. She is offered a shot of said alcohol , which she slams in her typical fashion. There is an hour and a half wait for dinner at the restaurant , so the family opts to sit in the bar. Boyfriend picks up Captain and Coke's. Girlfriend finishes two of them and half of the boyfriend's. She spills water on the table. Boyfriend sent cake to table , singing wait staff and all.

Do it: 3 Did it - You won't do it! .

[27 Jul 2003|12:23pm]
I've been eating like a pig since I got home.

This isn't good!

I've eaten reasonably well all week ( unless you count that hot dog I had for lunch Friday , but I was hungry and the Lemon Tree looked like a good little place to eat ). I had cake three days in a row , but that was absolutely not my fault. Thursday night Eric and I went out alone for my "birthday" ( it was the easiest day for us to go out alone ) , where he made me eat chocolate cake stuff. Ok , so maybe he didn't force me to eat it - it was pretty darn good. Friday night , his whole family went out. He had a cake sent to the table , waitresses singing and all. That was fun - not. Yesterday , I came home to a bakery cake , thanks to my parents. I took a bit of that to be polite , since , honestly , I'm not even a big fan of cake.

But that is where the eating frenzy started. I had no dinner ( since someone at all the pizza that my parents picked up for me ) , so I stopped at McDonald's to pick up a cheeseburger and Diet Coke. Many of my younger sister's friends work there , and since I'm the "cool older sister" who gives them free drinks at the movies and drove them around back in the day , they always give me free stuff. This time , it was a large order of fries , which , needless to say , I inhaled. I had scrambled eggs and toast at 9:30 in the morning , so my stomach was raging.

Then Jordan and Douglas called me. We went out to dinner about two hours after that. I had salad and spicy chicken strips , as well as two Diet Cokes. I just woke up and had a baked potato and 7 "Best Foods" crackers. I'm super hungry , though. I may have to go see a movie just to order movie food.
Do it: 1 Did it - You won't do it! .

[27 Jul 2003|12:10pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | [ stupid girl - garbage ] ]

This is in response to several posts in sextips. I have already posted in there , but I feel the need to vent more , and , quite honestly , what place is better than my own journal?

Here it goes:

You are 13 years old. You shouldn't be having sex. You shouldn't be thinking about having sex. You should be out watching Lizzie McGuire ( which , for the record , I love ) or maybe hanging out at the mall. Go see a PG or G rated movie. Giggle at cute boys. Act your age.

Do not think about getting pregnant , or if your boyfriend will love you more if you have sex with him. He won't. Guaranteed. What he will do , however , is lose respect for you. It might not happen immediately , but it will. Nobody will want the cow if they can get the milk for free. Thank god the young kid who posted about becoming pregnant again was suspended.

If you are 12 or 13 or maybe even 15 and your boyfriend is 20 , he's probably using you. What man of any sort of decency would go out with a girl who is that much younger? It's because he can't get with girls his own age , because they will not give him the time of day. Maybe he's just a perv. Either way , you don't belong with him.

When you are 20 , you are going to look back at the person you were when you were 13. If you are lucky , you will be able to look back at the person you were and think just how un-cool you really were. Honestly , do you want to look back at the person you were and feel ashamed? Or worse , do you want to look at the child you may have created ( because , quite honestly , so many young children are embarrased to purchase contraception ) and realize that your whole life is changed?

Sorry for the rant , but those children are making me sick.

Do it: 5 Did it - You won't do it! .

[26 Jul 2003|11:40pm]
[ mood | quixotic ]
[ music | [ ben harper - forever ] ]

Surprisingly , Eric and I didn't get sick of each other at all on this vacation.

I sort of miss him right now , and it has been 6 hours since we've last seen each other and only about an hour and a half since we last spoke.

Ok , I lied. I completely miss him. It will be akward to wake up tomorrow morning in my own bed ( not a silly cot ) without seeing his face and crazy morning hair across the room. I'll miss giving him a back rub every night before we fell asleep. I'll miss our conversations and the way that he and his older brother would try and peer pressure me into drinking wine with them at dinner. I miss the stories that they told me about when Eric was little ( my personal favorite is still the husky story , but there are so many that are noteworthy that I don't know where to start ).

I still think that it's amiazing we are togething , for so many reasons. He's so completely unlike anyone or anything that I have ever met. He's competely not my type. In the past , I have been superficial and so fickle when it came to boyfriends and dates. Too young , not hott enough , too hott , not smart enough , too odd , etc. There was always something that caused me to turn away from every man that I had ever been with in bitter scorn.

I thought that I had some sort of personality defect - maybe it was me and not them. But Eric , Eric has nothing wrong with him. He's so completely wrong for me - he's not very tall or even a tiny bit tall , has light skin and hair , enjoys things like wine tasting and cribbage and tennis , and isn't particularly muscular. He loves computers and video games , and , the delivery of PC Weekly makes him weak in the knees. In short , he's nothing and everything I could possibly ever want.. He always asks me why I'm with him - I tell him it's because I didn't even have a choice. It's true- we connected immediately and then spoke or around a month and a half before he decided to take the initiative to ask me to hang out.

Oh do I ever love that boy :)

Do it: 2 Did it - You won't do it! .

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