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Bleed Black

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(Not Grey..)

Somethings wrong... [08 Mar 2004|08:39pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New ]

Somethings wrong with kyle...i dont exactly kno what...but somethings wrong. i dont kno what to do..i'll talk to him tomorrow..

(Not Grey..)

He's going to move! [05 Mar 2004|08:56pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | Believe - Riddlin' Kids ]

Well, crap! I have to hear about this from LeeAnna....oh what did i hear? Kyle is moving...next year he wont be around...but i dont want to believe it. Kyle is gonna fucking move...thats what i have heard...AND I'M NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT UNTIL HE TELLS ME! Fuck, if he moves it's gonna suck...i don't kno what im gonna do without him......crap. I feel so bad. I regret letting him ever talk to me. I only regret it becuz then it wouldn't be as hard on me when he moves. IF he moves! Don't move...Don't move. dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move dont move...phew, that helped a little.

Oh James got rid of Richelle...maybe he doesn't really want her around him...i dunno...just thought i should say tho

Alex

(Not Grey..)

Welp... [03 Mar 2004|09:21pm]
Freakin'...A....uh...that was....stupid -_-;

*hack*

Well, today was interesting...i got to play with Kyle's hair. Whee, so fun! :P i think...i havent really decided on if it was really...fun or just amusing. anyways....i got to play with his hair! whee

I worked on newspaper all fucking day. my head is banging cuz of the stress i think...or maybe just confusion. Hey, nothing big tho. Finally i get to work on layout for the newspaper! im so happy. its going up the 8th...so once it comes out...read it...its gonna be 20pgs! yay!!!

on other things...James..is gonna be ok with me. I really dont care if he screws me over, but i can do two times worse than him...but im not gonna do anything bad to him unless he does something stupid with me. I dont want Richelle to kno that i have been to his house or anything like that...hence, the reason on why i have never told her about this website...i mean James is an awesome guy. He's funny, cute, weird, and IN BAND! lmao i had to throw that in cuz band's a big thing for him. like today he came in the library while i was talking to mrs. harvey and he walks in and says "hey Alex! *hug*" ya kno i really freaked cuz he squeezes SO tight! then i told him i'm not ticklish...he starts poking me...i give him this like "do it again and i'll rip your little finger off" of course he stopped...after he got me to smile. but geez....i dont kno the feelings he has for me anymore. same with kyle...but i kno what hes gonna do...probably talk to me whenever wherever....that whole senerio(sp?? haha i cant spell either). well, im gonna have to deal with kyle tomorrow....gah! ya kno hes like in love with jayme hall...i hate her...well not HATE but extremely dislike her. shes too happy! dammit! well i better be off

( 4 Girls | Not Grey..)

Bereavement [02 Mar 2004|08:11pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | Children of the Korn - Korn ]

I wish I could just change everything.
My days are getting longer.
I am the hated of the family.
I am not very special.
I am not very smart.
I am just a pain, a twinge, running through your veins.
I am not your average person.
I am just a pitiful waste of words.
Seemingly, I am better off alone.
How I wish I could change the days where I was mean towards others.
I wish I could change myself.
I am not afraid of death.
It’s something I want in my life.
My life being over is a big thing in anyone else’s life.
I never get my work done.
I am the opposite of positive.
I am the one who’s going to be old and alone.
Simply put: unaccompanied.
I won’t get anywhere without my pins and needles pressing through my skin.
I am a weak vermin, pitiful in many ways, and will never be with one personality.
I will never be happy.
I will never think about you again.
I am too depressed.
I should skin myself.
Ripping and slashing at my temples.
Slitting my wrists would make it better.
Shutting out the world would make everything else worthy of my life.

( 8 Girls | Not Grey..)

Wha??? [01 Mar 2004|03:46pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | D.I. - Richard Hung Himself ]

I dont get it....i have been hanging all over kyle...yes, Kyle S. and he doesnt care at all. I think that maybe hes just being himself. HE loves me! lmao....not. but anyways. like today, we were talking and we like messing with each others hands...and stuff like that. we talk, and we would also just have fun. i played with his hair and mess around with his hands. lol it was interesting...then during 6th hr i came up from behind him and wrapped my arms around him and put my head on top of his head and he didnt care at all! i was just amazed he didnt care...lol he tried biting me! heh, it was nice....but theres a the thing thats wrong with this whole mess...James Studna....yep, i cant believe this but i think he likes me. I dont see on why....but then again he doesnt like Richelle so yay for me i guess cuz he is kinda happy around me...lol which reminds me...i stood after school the other day (thrusday) and he took me home...while in his car he put his hand on my knee and i decided to grab his hand...i did and then he asked me if he was my sercurity blanket...i told him yeah sure...and i squeeze his hand. he then said "well, does this mean that i get to sleep with you?" my response "oh, sure James....i really wouldnt mind...but wouldnt Richelle?" "Hell, like i would care. Shes a bitch. I dont like her!" soooooooo interesting...then he met my dad and my sis...and lil bro but not mom cuz she was taking a shower anyways i asked my dad if i could go to his house...dad freaks but says ok and we just sorta played video games and nothing silly... but NOW james' car...doesnt work...theres a heating problem...and well...hes now riding the bus...and Richelle rides the bus!! crap! i dont want her to do anything with him now...since...well i kinda like him...heh, and then theres Kyle, and hes probably gonna stay after school with me tomorrow...i dont really kno but im so confused about these 2...count them 2 guys! lol i dont have to worry about any others cuz...well, they like me and all, but i dont really have any feelings for any of the other guys i hang out with.

So,HELP ME! on who to choose please! anyone...lol or not...it'd be nice tho.

Alex

(Not Grey..)

True Love, Best Friend [26 Feb 2004|03:34pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Ocean Avenue -Yellowcard ]

What's the deal with me?
I never had this feeling...
This feeling of love,
True love.
This feeling of being on cloud nine.
You are my friend,
Best friend.
You are the one I can turn to
When I need a smile.
I can cry on your shoulder,
And you'll never push me away.
I can hug you,
And you'll only hug back.
I can turn to you for anything
And everything...
My best friend,
My true love.
-----------------
wow, not really a depressing one today....yay

Alex

( 2 Girls | Not Grey..)

Scholar Bowl! [31 Jan 2004|10:49pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | Little Know It All - Iggy Pop ]

well, i am worn out...
i went to school today...early...and plus today is a saturday...sooo it was crazy...lol anyways, becky and I got to the school at about 7:20am and we were standing outside with Ame, Will, and Chad for a little bit and mr. thornton tells us that we can go inside and get a donut.(woo) then we got into our groups...i wasnt with any of my friends...but it was ok..i was with James and Chad, plus chad's girlfriend Angela. Kyle was supposed to be there...but he got into some fight with his dad..and his dad said that he couldnt leave the house..oh well then! then James and i walked around a little...and we talked. then we headed down to the room that we were supposed to be in the moment we got there. I was score keeper, Chad was the runner and visual score keeper , Angela was the buzzer person, and James was timer person. We had had 11 rounds. and it was awesome when we got to Maranathan...omg...Jack, Kyle, Matt, and Mark...i will never forget those names...they were the cutest of them all! i really liked Mark...hehe *coughs* well, then the rounds were over...and i have no idea on who won...or whatever...but i asked james for a ride home... and he said that it was ok. so he took me home...and now im here...lol well i gotta get going its kinda late.

Alex

(Not Grey..)

Confusion! [24 Jan 2004|08:12pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Last Train Home - Lostprophets ]

Hello, my funky little ppl.... well ok i have a question... i am confused about kyle's feelings towards me...i mean dude, hes like all over me one day...and the next the same thing..lol. but really, heres my Q...when he says that he cannot answer on if he likes me...or if he doesnt like me...what does that mean?? im so confused its like...argh!!! another thing is that he'll want me by his side...or near him...just so i can be there...and i really do like him and all, but i just dont know! well...i better go.

Alex

( 3 Girls | Not Grey..)

Blood... [11 Jan 2004|08:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | The Leaving Song - AFI ]

I am sick and tired of my family...and just random ppl. I dont get it..i try to be me...and its like im not supposed to be becuz im part of this family or im part of a group...its so stupid...im afraid that since im in a school with only so many ppl that i cant be myself...

I'm so confused...about life...ppl...guys (wow, thats a first...NOT) I have tried to stay sane...and i really have tried to not worry about this stuff but now...i cant deal with half this shit...im so fucked up inside...whats wrong with me??? i have to be sumone completly different around my family...i wish i could just dye my hair...burn all my damned colored clothes and be in black for the rest of my life...so i can be happy!

"ALONE"
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then–in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life–was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

-Edgar Allen Poe

I love Edgar Allen Poe...he is the best writer out there....maybe i'll everything will be better if i just stop being me...and be sumone else...

Alex

( 1 Girl | Not Grey..)

Bob.... [04 Jan 2004|10:28pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | Richard hung himself - D.I. ]

Friends! I have nothing to do...i shall update for you all...
OKie! well....hm...OH heres what i have done over the break:

Monday-i went to the city! lol yeah we went out there to go shopping...and well it kinda sucked but im amused by all the crazy ppl out there! lol


Tuesday-i stood home and contimplated on wether or not to wander about the house...lol...i was so bored...then my mom came home and we took my dad out to KCK! he is now a truck driver! yay

Wednesday-New Years Eve...blew! ugh, i stood up till about 3:30am and then went to bed...lol i didnt really DO anything important...cuz thats my life...yeah


Thrusday-I (along with my sis) babysitted my neices and nephew...i luv them...my bro-n-law and i had a talk about how my dad draged us all the way out here and that we were too far away from them (my bro-n-law and his family) lol...i was like: i like this place! its not as bad as the city or anything...but i do miss being with you guys...blah blah...ya kno all that but it was nice to have a talk with him about him missing us...heh, oh he also wanted to let me barrow his lincon navigator (cuz of his stero system)...lol. i cracked up and saidthese ppl out at my school would probably try their hardest JUST to get the syster...no...im not taking it! then hes like well i'll just pick you up at school sumtime. so yay! hes supposed to do that sumtime this week!

Friday-i got my drivers license...FINALLY! it took about 3 hours to just go and drive with the intructor! ugh...they HAD to take a break...uh, whatever. then i went to see Lord Of The Rings: The Last King. woohoo, it was 4 friggin hours long including the previews...heh, but it was awesome...im telling everyone now...the thing...DOESNT DIE! lol actually that made no sense...but thats ok! then we headed back to my bro-n-law's house...got sum chinese food...stood there till about 9-ish...and then headed home...took the computer home...and when i got the computer hooked up...the damn CD drive died on me! it actually fried on the way home im guessing...lol oh plus i tried wine and champage at their house...heh, i really like champage! hehehehe, it was nice...lol but the computer is fixed! yay!


Saturday-well i pretty much just slept the whole day...yup...that was it...oh and richelle came over...ugh! *kills phone* why did i PICK UP THAT PHONE? eh, she came over and me and moses helped her on a video game. lol FFX and FFX-2 those are awesome games! i luv them...my lil bro and i beat FFX-2 in 3 days! lol it was awesome...i like that game a lot...now we're playing the game plus.

Sunday(today)-well i went to see a movie with becky...becca was going to come BUT her mom said now...ouch...but the movie we saw was Cheaper By the Dozen. It was really funny...but that makes me think...i do not want 12 kids...oye, too many i think. lol, it was also sad...and the kid named jake...reminded me of...jake! lol the crazy one. then we went to Wal-Mart we got a whole bunch of stuff...lol they got me a back pack that is awesome...but i gotta change sum of the stuff...heheh i have a ton of safty pins...so they'll be on that bag as soon as i have enough time to work on them.


Well i gotta go its like 11...heh, and i have school tomorrow! eek!

Alex

(Not Grey..)

The New Year...and all its F****ing Glory [01 Jan 2004|10:27pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Crystal Method-(i dunno song) ]

welp, its been about 20 hrs into the new year...and well it sux...life of course isnt the greatest...and well i'm right now watching my nieces and nephew out in Prairie Village. Woohoo, they're screaming and all but hey...it's all good...right?
Anywhoo, i cant wait to go back to school...my bro-n-law is going to be picking me and my sis up at school...lol now heres the good part...he has sub woofers...in other words...a really really awesome stero system! yay! lol and that means that everyone can hear the bass for at least a mile round....its that loud...well i gotta go...

Alex

( 4 Girls | Not Grey..)

New Year...Eve! [31 Dec 2003|09:37pm]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | Jimmy Eat Worl-Bleed America ]

Wow today is the last day of the year…heh, I never really thought that it would have came so quickly. I don’t think I can actually cope with the fact that the end of the year is really here…and I have tried so hard to really think about everything…friends, family, good times, and of course the bad times. I hate saying this, but after another year of living…I’m happy to be here…alive…I’m happy to know that I can count on my friends…my family…and just everyone…
I have so many things to say….ugh I dunno how I’m going to be able to do it all. Well here goes:
Jen: you have been a blessing to me…there’s only so much that I have really done…for you but you are awesome and thanks so much for showing me that there are better types of music out there…lol and you kno I will always come to you about these layouts! Lol.
Ame: my Ame K.! lol you have been there for me for a very long time…I dunno what’s life gonna be like when college comes around. I heart you…lol You got that stuck in my head…but the thing I wanna really thank you about is actually giving a damn about me. I have gone thru sum trials in my life…nothing like yours, but I have been thankful for you being my friend and a sister to me as well. I dunno what to really do without you…I’ll live I guess…heh
Kyle: well, there’s a lot of things that I can say about you…you have been a great friend…my bud for those times where I really needed sumone to talk to. I don’t thin I would have really made it past that week where I was crying…and you actually helped me thru it… I am thankful for you even more than usual becuz you have given me a reason to smile…every time I see you it’s like my day got a little better…and over the years I have known you...you probably will never change…and I really don’t want you to stop caring about anyone and I hope your life is especially better than mine…you have a great family…and you have sumone who cares about you too…
Becky: heh, you have taught me sum things that are so crazy! All about cows…lol but its all awesome stuff…tho I’m allergic to hay…which is confusing…*shurgs* but its good…lol I love ya too and your sis is awesome too.

well that’s only a fraction of the ppl I’m gonna be thanking, but I have to go I’ll have to add the rest tomorrow…

Alex

( 2 Girls | Not Grey..)

Merry Christmas!! [24 Dec 2003|08:19pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Violence-Blink 182 ]

Hello everyone....I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!
Merry
Christmas

may your Christmas be as happy as you want it to be...

Alex

(Not Grey..)

Merry Christmas!! [24 Dec 2003|08:19pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Violence-Blink 182 ]

Hello everyone....I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!
Merry
Christmas

may your Christmas be as happy as you want it to be...

Alex

( 2 Girls | Not Grey..)

I miss you... [22 Dec 2003|09:20pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Blink 182 - Asthenia ]

Ok i have to put this in here...its the song I miss you by Blink 182...




"I Miss You"


Hello there, the angel from my nightmare

The shadow in the background of the morgue

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want

Where you can always find me

We'll have Halloween on Christmas

And in the night we'll wish this never ends

We'll wish this never ends



(I miss you I miss you)

(I miss you I miss you)



Where are you and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

This sick strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting every time

And as I stared I counted

Webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides

Like indecision to call you

and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight

Stop this pain tonight



Don't waste your time on me you're already

The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already

The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)



Don't waste your time on me you're already

The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already

The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)



I really feel like that...Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head(I miss you miss you) ugh, so sad...im really missing my friends...and im actually missing the guys i hang out with...oh wow...i actually have feelings..*sniffles* oh well just a random thought

Alex

( 5 Girls | Not Grey..)

Fucker! [22 Dec 2003|08:04pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Right Now-Korn ]

well just so everyone knos...my computer is being a fucking gay piece of shit! everytime i press my enter button...its like clicks off...what a BITCH! that little P.O.S. *mumbles* well what's everyone doing for Christmas??? I am doing nothing...cuz of course...i HAVE no life...blah! >.< I'm sick and tired of this...I dont wanna really deal with my family



I also have learned multiple things in Advanced Computer Applications...
Woohoo...look different font...! yay


ugh, im also sick and tired of a lot of other things...like zarove...let him rot it hell...he was saying that ppl who quit school have a bad life ahead of them what the fuck?! no they have a pretty good life...not all the ppl who quit school wind up in the drain! ugh! that is really pissing me off to...little fucker!!!!! ugh!!!
well...i wanna just leave..
Alex

( 2 Girls | Not Grey..)

Tests!! [19 Dec 2003|07:22am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Fall Out Boy-The Pros and Cons of Breathing ]

Ahahaha

I'M SO BORED! AND I'M AT SCHOOL! Ah, yes...schooOOooOOoooOOOOooOOooOoOl....omfg...im so f*cking bored....*mumbles to self*

Ya kno...yesterday...yeah...we had multiple tests...it blew major ass but i only took 3 tests...not four like the rest of you...muhahahaha...ahahahaha...ahah...*coughs* uh, yeah...lol here's what i did yesterday!
Advanced Comp. App.-Test...what ya kno...a test...blah i probably flunked it...but it was easy...as in easy to finish...lol me and amanda wound up getting on the internet just looking at all kinds of shit. It was awesome tho cuz i looked up Fall Out Boy lyrics...my fav. song off their CD is the The Pros and Cons of Breathing its a dandy song. ^_^ oh so nice...here are the lyrics:

"The Pros and Cons of Breathing"
Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand

Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again

And if I could move I'm sure it would only be to crawl back to you

I must have dragged my guts a block...they were gone by the time we (talked)...


I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself

But you know that I could crush you with my voice


Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me

Hide the details I don't want to know a thing


I hate the way you say my name like it's something secret

My pen is the barrel of the gun. Remind me which side you should be on.


I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel.


Newspaper-I did NOTHING...lemme repeat...n-o-t-h-i-n-g thats the class where we had no test...hehehe it was fun tho...
American History-I think i just sorta studied and talked to Ame...lol then kyle walked in while we were talking about him...lmao...and i started cracking up...lol
A&P-Test...and i really tried on this one...and i got better than Ame!! *dances* i got a 63% and Ame got a 62% ohhhh so close...lol, but i really tried...wooohoo!!! yayness
Geometry-we also had a test in there....after everyone was done with the testing....they all played chess while i was drawing on my hand...tis pretty too....then after i was done drawing on my hand i fall asleep...and guess who comes over to annoy me??? Kyle...oh yeah and Patrick...but kyle HAD to wake me up by hitting my desk...thank you oh-so-much KYLE. when he did that i hit him a couple of times...then we sorta just sat there while Patrick was standing up...blah! it was sorta stupid...*beats kyle* i hope he rots in Hell. *sniffles* Beautiful! lol but they were being gay.
Adv. Bio.-Studied for the stupid test! blah!!!! then kyle hit me on the head....i beat him up again...tis fun
Then when i got home i studied...and that was about it...oh yeah and downloaded some songs of the internet...oh found out that Spencer has a girlfriend...shes cute i guess??? i dunno...i havent seen her...and i was talking to brent last night...we...danced...lol it was cute...well i gotta go

Alex

( 2 Girls | Not Grey..)

Long time!! [17 Dec 2003|07:17am]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Simple Plan-Perfect ]

hello ppl! im sorry i havent updated lately...i've been so tired and busy...so lemme just update for now

Friday-Saturday morning=My friend and I stood up late and studied for the ACTs! we had fun tho...cuz we ate a TON of candy...lol i was wired...*flies*
Saturday=Took the ACTs...i almost passed out too....heh ^_^ it was a blast tho...i met a guy from my school out in Spring Hill. Lol. We talked a little about the test...he was also very nervous and scared. Oh yeah also my dad came back home :( i hate it that he did....im not so happy that hes around me...blah! hes a total jerk, but thank god hes away for now....he wont be back till X-mas Eve!! yayness
Sunday=i did absolutly nothing!
Monday=school....got all my tests back from my teachers and took 2 other tests...Geo and A&P woohoo!
Tuesday=i went to the doctors!! they said that i need to get it x-rayed and fixed soon b4 i STOP growing....which is like in 2 yrs. but i want it fixed now....oh i also have tendinitus (i dont kno how to spell it) from all this....it hurts so much tho.
Wednesday=School....actually i dunno what im doing today...its too early to tell. well gotta go

Alex

( 1 Girl | Not Grey..)

Thanksgiving [27 Nov 2003|09:30pm]
oooooooooooooh, yeah...uh

Happy Thanksgiving!!

now...i just thought i should say that to everyone...so...im off...to go to sleep and to see movie tomorrow...

Alex

(Not Grey..)

Blahness... [20 Nov 2003|07:04am]
well its really early in the morning...and i have nothing to do...

yay

well, uh, nothing to do...

*blinks* look...im not doing anything uh....can sumone tell me how to put pics on this thingy...cuz im reaaaaaaaaaaally bored...and i wanna put spencer's art work on here. hah, its really cool...he was this one...
hmmm...i hope this works


joy to if it works...ha...well..bye now

Alex

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