BK's Blurty
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in BK's Blurty:

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    Saturday, November 1st, 2003
    8:12 pm
    greetings for Center Valley, Pennsylvania
    Heeeyyyyyy - Im up here at Desales now visiting Shannon. Yesterday, I went to class, and then got the train into grand central, and then took the Shuttle from grand central to Times Square. I got myself a starbucks and then headed to the terminal. I hopped on the 5:10 bus to Bethlehem, and got in around 7:30.

    Last night was fun - we hung out in the guys room for awhile and hung out with some softball people. Everyone here seems real cool. We drank a little, but not much.

    Today, we went to Wendy's. Excluding the slowness of the service, and the wrong burger, it was soooo good. I really missed Wendy's. Today we pretty much just hung out - and I went to Shannon's rehearsal. It was cool. The weather today is REALLY nice, which I'm glad about. Tonight we're going out - I don't know where or what yet though.

    I'm really tired - but I figured I'd update since it's a ritual for me to do so while at a friend's college.

    I'm sorry this update sucks - but Desales far from sucks. It seems really cool here.

    Ok...that's enough for tonight - maybe I'll make a better entry later.

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: atticus's voice (watching To Kill A Mockingbird)
    Sunday, October 26th, 2003
    12:12 pm
    Last night was crazy!!!! OMG...sooo much fun. Before I talk about last night, I'll talk about my afternoon.
    In the afternoon Deirdre and I went into Manhatten to get some stuff, and so I could buy my ticket to Desales next week. We ate ice cream at the Cold Stone Creamery - it was AMAZING. The ice cream is fresh, and they mix it with whatever you want right in front of you. I got a strawberry blonde, which was strawberry ice cream, graham cracker pie crust, fresh strawberries, and caramel all mixed together. It cost close $6.00, but it was worth it. While in there, we saw an actress. I can't tell you who it is, because I don't know her name, and I can't remember what shows she was on. She's not a big actress, but one of the supporting actresses. I don't know.

    Anyway, last night we finally left Tierney(my dorm) around 11:30....only to meet up with Tierney at the 80's party. Tierney is a little family - we all stick together. The 80's party was so much fun, and the beer wasn't as bad as the last party when it was all foam. We stayed there for about an hour, and then headed to Gormons. Gormons wasn't too crowded, which was good. It was crowded enough though. I had a Sex on the Beach, 3 cranberry and vodkas, and 2 shots of this thing called Cubs Win, which is the bartender's own creation. I could drink a whole pitcher of Cubs Win - it was so good. I don't know what was in it though - its a secret apparently.
    After Gormons we headed to Pugslys where we got pizza. The night was awesome.

    Today is dedicated to cleaning and homework.

    Current Mood: drunk
    Friday, October 24th, 2003
    11:55 am
    ok ok ok - it's been awhile I know. And seeing from mo's message to Jim, I don't even know if anyone is reading these things anymore. But if they are, then here's a new blurty.
    Everything is going OK. I went home last week just to relax and think about stuff, because I'm not sure about school and if I should be majoring in psychology. I know I still have a year to choose a definate major, but I just always assumed I'd be a psychologist...and now I'm not so sure. The schooling will be a lot, and I don't think I'll be very good at it. My friend Nell the other day, jokingly said that I was the person who needed the psychologist, not the person who was the psychologist. I just laughed...she doesn't know I go to one, and she thought it was funny, so I let it be.
    I'm excited for next week - I'm visiting shannon at Desales, so that should be fun. The following week Deirdre and I are going to a play, because my uncle has tickets he isn't using, and gave them to me. I forget the name of the play, but its a Bill Irwin production. Irwin is supposed to be pretty funny, so it should be good. Then, on the 15th my uncle will be in town. He's taking me to dinner and then to see De LaGuarda. I'm really excited to see him.
    I got really excited the other day because my aunt sent me an email. We're close and stuff, but its usually my uncle that writes to me, so it was nice getting something from my aunt.
    Last night I called home, and my parents started arguing on the phone over who was going to speak to me first. I may have immature assholes as parents, but I am lucky to atleast have my uncle and aunt as sane individuals.
    Work is going well. The kids like me. They are between 8 and 12. The girls are a little difficult to get used to though, because they are always asking questions and analyzing me to see if I'm cool enough. I help this one boy, Miquel, a lot. On wedsnesday, when I came in, he had his books open, and he told me he was waiting for me. That kinda scared me, because I don't want him to be upset the days I'm not there. It is cool though that he had his books open, and ready to work, because he had to repeat 1st grade, and he hates studying. I feel like I'm really helping him.
    The kids are funny, because I'm the only white person, and they always make comments to each other about how I'm their sister. I don't mind - its cool.
    Ok...so I updated...another will come soon...i promise.

    Current Mood: confused
    Friday, October 17th, 2003
    2:44 pm
    would like pretzels or peanuts?
    I HATE CLASSES!!! I WANT TO BE A FLIGHT ATTENDANT!! I want to travel the world, and have my schedule be different and crazy every day. I hate monotony. I can't stay in one place for too long, even if I like the place. That's why I go visit my friends at different colleges and stuff - because I can't stand being in the same place with the same people. I really do love Fordham - it may not seem that way - but I do. I just always feel like I'm going to explode when I'm in the same enviroment for too long.

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
    10:30 am
    I was going to update last night, but when I got back to school I realized how much work I had, and wasn't able to Blurty. I'm sorry Mo. Anyway....my weekend was one large rollercoaster ride. I know that's not a creative explanation of my weekend, but it'll have to do.

    I already talked about Friday, so now I will start at Saturday. Saturday morning Mo and I woke up and and went to meet Juice who took the train to Temple. Before going though, Mo and I got ourselves a starbucks (is there anything better?!...I think not). Then, me, Juice, Mo, and two of Mo's friends - Justine and Colleen - went to the Linc to see Temple vs BC. At the game we met up with Rachel and Mare. Eventhough Temple lost, it was worth seeing the Linc. I was soo hungry and ended up eating 2 things of fries.

    After the game Me, Juice, and Mo all went back to the dorm, and Mare and Rachel went home. At the dorm, Juice and I passed out on Mo's bed while Mo did some work. After we got up we went out to get food at Wendy's - I REALLY missed Wendy's. While there, Karin and Jen Schellinger called. We met them at Mo's dorm and hung out with them for awhile. It was so fun seeing them again and talking about stories from highschool.

    After they left, we made our way to Rite Aid at 1:30 am in order to buy hair dye for mine and Mo's hair. Not everyone can notice the change in my hair, but there is a definate difference. Around 3:30 we went to sleep, and I woke again around 8 because my dad was picking me up.

    When I got home my mom saw my hair and told me she hated it. It's fine that she hated it...but there needs to be a point where one gets over something and moves on. I didn't go to mass either which made my mom mad too because I went to CVS and a few other stores instead. I have a hard time believing these days, and it makes me sad. It's not that I don't necessarily believe, it's that I don't believe that God is going to take care of anything. I don't trust him I guess, and then with not trusting I don't believe praying to him is going to help anything. I think I'm just mad it him, and being mad at him makes me very sad.

    Anyway, I went to lunch with my mom and g-mom. The lunch could've been very nice if the two of them got passed the hair issue. I was called "cheap" and a multitude of other names. They told me I changed and all this other crap that bothered the hell out of me. I let it go for then though, because I didn't feel like arguing.

    On Sunday night the Biba 6 went to Chickies and Petes. The food and company were both awesome, and I had a really good time. Afterwards we all piled into my car and went to go to Penn, Drexel, and Temple in order to drop Mo and Juice off, and to see their dorms. It was weird that all of us were in a car together, because all of our lives are extremely different now. The night wasn't too awkward in my opinion though, and it was nice seeing my best friends.

    On monday morning I went to Nazareth with Rachel, Shannon and Mare. I love Nazareth. I loved it then, and I still love it now. While there I pictured myself teaching there. I think I could at some point, atleast just for a few years. We saw Mr. Smith, Ms Feletski, Ms Armstrong, Sr. Camille, Ms Doherty (Mrs hoffman), Ms Rowson, Ms Green, Ms Mcdade, Mrs Janotta, and Mrs. Quinn. Kelly O'brien, Mckeever, and Jenna Pogo were all there visiting too.

    Ms Armstrong kept the note that Juice and I wrote her one day about not being able to go on the elevator with her. She told me she pulls it out whenever she needs a good laugh. Mrs Hoffman remembered me which was really cool. She was like, "Kelly Becky!" She told me she thought about me the other day because she has a kelly in her class. Also, Sr. Camille talked about me in her class! She talked about me before I even visited. She told her class how my family is service oriented. She told me she wants my brother to speak when he gets back from Africa. He probably will talk. It's kinda funny though, because Chris is less Catholic then me and did the Peace Corps for reasons excluding that of service.

    After Nazareth, Rachel, me, and Mare met up with Jim for lunch at Applebees. It was a really nice lunch, and fun seeing Jim.

    When I got home I had 2hours before I planned to leave. My intention was to finally sit down, relax, and watch Bend it Like Becham. That planned quickly changed the second I walked into the house. I walked in, and my mom was sitting at the computer. I went up to her to tell her about my day at Nazareth, and all she had in response was "I bet they hated your hair". I passed the statement off and continued to talk about my day. As I talked, she stared at me with an angry look. I finally broke and we got in a huge shouting match. I ended up hitting her and throwing the Fantasia statue I had bought her. I know I was wrong for doing these things, but I can not take anything anymore. I was only home for a day and I was called cheap and everything else. I don't think I changed too much...and if I did - I think it's for the better.

    I ended up walking out of the house with "fuck you" as my last words to her. My dad and I drove an hour until I asked to turn around. I couldn't leave the way I did. I went home and apologized, and ended up getting in another fight. Finally though, everything was worked out and I came back to fordham.

    My mom had reason to be mad at me I guess. She said it was the hair, but there was other stuff. She told me she couldn't take anymore change...and I understand that. She was mad at me for not going to mass, and for my brother not being around. He left knowing I was coming home. He hasn't gotten a shower in a week apparently, and this really bothers my mom. She just wants her family back, but I explained to her that she wasn't going to get it back by yelling at me or sympathizing with tim. She's mad that I don't sympathize with Tim, but she doesn't understand. I guess no one understands, but I CAN'T see my brother.

    I'm gladf I went back though and apologized. Now I'm back here at Fordham. I like it here....I just hate classes. School just isn't my thing...but I don't what is.

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: DMB - trouble
    Saturday, October 11th, 2003
    11:56 am
    Greetings from.....PHILLY!!!!
    Well it's Columbus day weekend and I am "home" for a few days. I came in last night and stayed over at Temple with Mo. I'm staying here until early sunday morning, and then I'm going home and hanging out with my mom for awhile. Sunday night is going to be fun though - It's Chickies with Biba 6!!

    My friend Annie was going to Maryland, so we decided to take the same train home that would stop at both destinations. At the station we met another girl on my floor from scranton who was going to visit her friend at SJU. We all got the 2:49 train out of Fordham into Grand Central. Once I got to Grand Central I got myself a Starbucks and we hopped onto the S (subway shuttle) to Times Square. We then transferred to the 1 and took that to 34th street. When we got off, we were looking for Penn Station, and ended up walking right by it. Like an idiot I asked someone where Penn Station was, and acknowledging the stupidity of the question, pointed behind me and walked away. We were standing right in front of it. It was hard to realize though because Madison Square Garden is in front of it.

    Anywyay, we got the 5:09 train and I was in Philly by 6:26. I took the Subway to Temple, and met Mo at the station. I was so excited to see her - it's been a little while.

    Today we are meeting Juice, Rachel, and Mare and are going to the football game. I am excited for the game because it's at the Linc and I really want to see how it is. I don't know what's going on tonight yet, but Juice and I are sleeping over, so whatever we do I'm sure it'll be fun.

    Current Mood: ecstatic
    Monday, October 6th, 2003
    11:13 am
    So it's been a little while...not too long...since my last update. This past weekend was family weekend. Although it was nice to see my mom, dad, and nanny, it was also extremely stressful. The entire weekend was basically spent siding and residing with either my mom or dad and being the mediator by making threats like I was going back to FU if they didn't stop arguing. When the weekend was finally over and it was time for me to say goodbye I was literally shaking and my head was throbbing due to nerves. I climbed up to my bed and slept the weekend off.

    I do miss my mom though - I didn't realize I missed her so much. I'm glad she decided to go to Disney World in november. It's a little scary though, because that day my mom, nanny, uncle, aunt, alex and justin will all be on the same plane. That is my entire world.

    Anyway, I got to stay in a hotel this weekend! If you know me, you know my love for hotels. On sunday we went to manhatten and just walked around. My mom and nanny have never been to Central Park so we walked in Central Park for awhile. I wanted to show them the boat pond, but there wasn't enough time. My mom will probably come back up with her friend someday soon, and I'll take them to the boat pond then.

    I also showed my parents the place that I work at. I think I almost gave them a heartattack. They were freaking out because it's in a bad neighborhood....although it really isn't. I'll be ok - it's just a little graffiti.

    I had a doctor appointment today at 2:45. I went to the train station in order to get the 1:54 train into Grand Central. I got to the train station in time, but some guy needed help with how to purchase a ticket from the machine. I helped him, but lost track of time, and when I turned around to see if my train was there - I saw it pulling out of the station. I sprinted down the steps while people were walking up them to try and catch the train - but I had no luck. That's what I get for helping people. If I didn't tell Annie that I would get her a sandwhich (which took up a good 20 min of my time before going to the station), didn't stop to give some lady directions to the parking lot, and not help the guy with the ticket machine I would have made the train. The next train wasn't until 2:37 so I decided to take the D train. The problem with the D train though is that I need to take a bus to the station. I didn't have my metro card with me, and buses in new york don't take dollar bills. So I called my doctor and told her I was going to be late. I didn't get to the office until 3:30 and only had a five minute session. On the way home though I stopped at the Starbucks right outside of Grand Central. I got a venti mocha frap. It was just what I needed. Then, I came home, and took a nap.

    These next 2 days I will be busy, but then Friday will be here soon (not soon enough) and I'll be partying it up at TEMPLE with Mo. I can't wait!

    Current Mood: stressed
    Current Music: something corporate
    Friday, October 3rd, 2003
    10:47 am
    So confused
    I don't know what's going on with me - I'm so incredably sad right now and I can't find an answer to it. It's been really bothering me that I don't have a home anymore to go to whenever I want. Not having that stable background is killing me, and making being away so much more difficult. You always want what you can't have...and that's what the situation with my home is.
    I feel so alone here. I eat alone, go off campus alone...it just sucks. There's noone to call up and ask to come with me and I'm hating it. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm lucky that I'm at my first choice school, and basically implying that I shouldn't be complaining...but I can't help feeling alone when I am alone and just because I'm at my first choice school doesn't make my complaints any less valid.
    I came to this school with so much fucking extra baggage that it's weighing me down. I didn't want to go to college, and I still don't want to go. School isn't for everyone, and I'm learning quickly that it isn't for me.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
    7:22 pm
    I miss my friends. I just want to hear their voices. I like it here - but I just really want to see or atleast hear my friends.
    Anyway, school is sucking. I had to rewrite my philosophy paper and I got a B on an English paper. I hate philosophy. I feel like I'm sitting in a room speaking to my brother when I'm in that class because it's all just a bunch of bs. I always feel like I've lost knowledge instead of gained any at the end of the class. But then again, what is knowledge?
    Tomorrow I have a meeting with the lady from The Family Center - the place I am doing my work study. I went on the bus today to make sure I knew where I was going. I could walk it, but I don't have much time to get there so it's easier taking the bus. I walked home though. I'm really excited for work study to begin. I'm nervous too though because I don't want to screw up. But then again.....it's me.....and I've already gained the reputation of a screw up here at FU.
    My mom called me today to tell me that we're postponing thanksgiving. It's cool because we're postponing it so Chris will be home. He comes home Friday, November 27th and we are going to celebrate Saturday, November 28. I can still hang out with my friends afterwards though. He's coming into JFK airport at 7:15am - I'm excited.
    Through the day I kept thinking about stuff to write in blurty, but now I don't really remember any of it. I guess it wasn't important. Like I said earlier though - I REALLY miss my friends. so a call would be extremely appreciated. Alright......if I remember what I wanted to write maybe I'll write again later. until then....peace.

    Current Mood: sad
    Monday, September 29th, 2003
    6:03 pm
    So my internet is back. That's exciting. That's about all that's exciting. I'd tell you about the kid I like, but now I don't think he likes me anymore....so we won't talk about that. I really have nothing to say. This update is really just to pacify Mo because I told her was going to update, and when you have a most loyal fan like Maureen you can't let her down.

    Did everyone read Maryfran's hostile last entry? She was mad because no one commented. I write in this thing every day, sometimes twice a day, and I very rarely get comments. Jim also writes every day and he too rarely gets comments. I don't think Maryfran should be complaining too much until she writes at the extent of which Jim and I do, and even to the extent of which Shannon does. I still love you mare.

    Let's see.....well...last night was the last game at the Vet. I was a little upset I couldn't be there for it. The vet, although many disapproved was definately a place of many good childhood memories. I still remember getting my baseball signed by Jim Eisenrich, and bringing my glove to the game with Mike and looking out for fly balls. Mike and I would wear our Phillies jerseys and hats and hold our gloves up the entire game. Memories like that are priceless (just like Maggie on the simpsons).

    I don't have a home. Laugh...it's funny. I technically have a home, but it's really unstable now. My parents told me it wasn't best for me to come home, but then when I told my mom I was going to stay with Mo over columbus day she got really upset. So I don't know what to do. At first I was mad that I couldn't come home, but now I don't know if I want to. I talked to my nanny last night and she said that Tim is progressively getting worse, and that he's much worse than the last time I saw him a few weeks ago. I knew he was bad, but she painted a better picture of how bad. I refuse to watch it. He can do want he wants now - I give up.

    My uncle and Aunt are going to Disney World with Alex and Justin! And GUESS WHO GETS TO GO!!!!?!.....................................................no...not me. haha it's my mom and nanny! I really hope my mom decides to go, because she desperately needs a vacation, and there is no better one for her than Disney World. She feels bad taking off from work, but I told her she'd be doing a service to my Uncle, Aunt and cousins by going. In my opinion everyone should experience Disney World with my mom atleast once. She makes the experience 100million times more special, and I really want my cousins to know the experience I once knew.

    It's amazing how much crap one can write when there is nothing to talk about. Everything here at FU is good I guess. I wish a certain thing would work out, but I think I got my hopes up too fast and now I just gotta let it go I guess. OH WELL....DON'T DWELL!

    PEACE OUT!!!

    Current Mood: recumbent
    Current Music: straylight run
    Sunday, September 28th, 2003
    3:31 pm
    This is dedication right here - My internet is down and I am in the library updating Blurty. Mo - if you aren't proud of me for this then I give up.

    So I went to the concert last night. Chris ended up not going which sucked, but it was still a really good concert. The line up was Early November (who were awesome), Allister, Homegrown, Senses Fail, and The Starting Line. Early Novemeber and Senses Fail were amazing! The only bad part about the concert was the ten year old Starting Line colt. I could see over atleast half the crowd, and I'm not even that tall. Eventhough The Starting Line now attracts ten year olds who only know "Best of Me", they are still an awesome band. They played "Make yourself at Home" which is my new favorite TSL song. I wish they played Greg's last day - that would have made the concert. Peter also lost his shoe at the concert....I don't know how because I had sandals on and managed to keep them on.

    Afterwards, we went to at The Pizza Joint. It's this place near columbus circle that sells so much food. IT was really good. Then, we went home. One of the kids with us though was really obnoxious and everything had to be his way. On the way home he thought it would be wiser to take the express train and not take the other train that comes every 20 min. When the regular train came 5 of us jumped on that, leaving him and another kid waiting for the Express. The best part of the night is knowing how long they waited for an Express train that doesn't come at 1am.

    I have a lot of homework to do and I just keep procrastinating so I should get back to the dorm and do some. Today is Sunday the 28th. If any of you would like to talk to me, call me, because you won't be seeing me online. I do hope atleast someone calls - I really miss the Biba 6. Even if its just to call and be like, hey...bye, and nothing else I will still be extremely excited. So think over that phone call, and I'll update again later.

    Current Mood: busy
    Saturday, September 27th, 2003
    12:38 pm
    TSL TONIGHT!
    Tonight is the Starting Line concert!!!!! Although I'm extremely excited I still really wish Shannon was coming today. I understand why she can't, but it still sucks in extreme ways.

    Last night was a sober, yet fun night. First of all, Cait and Kristen who are roommates both went home for the weekend, but left me and the other Kate to lock the door when we leave their room. Both mine and Kate's internets are down, and Kristin left her computer here which means that door hasn't been locked yet. I talked to
    Kristen online yesterday and she's totally cool with me and Kate being in her room. The other Cait who lives there though is very anal, and probably won't like that we've been camping out in there all weekend. She's too nice to say anything though. Right now I'm on Emily's computer because she let me use it while she's in the city for the afternoon. She was supposed to go on a leadership retreat, but she decided last minute that she didn't want to go. Kristen is rich and has this awesome 17inch flat screen tv that we also used last night. Me, Taryn, Emily, Nell, Kate and Deirdre were in there until 10 watching tv. I told Kristen her room is more of a party room when she isn't there than when she is.
    Around 10 Chris came over and the party moved to my room, because although Kristen's room is clean, has a rug, awesome tv, and computer, she doesn't have a vcr. Me, Trischia, Taryn, Deirdre, Chris and Emily all watched A Beautiful Mind. For those unaware, certain scenes are filmed at Fordham which made watching the movie all the more fun. The scene where Nash is decoding the numbers on the large black screens is filmed in the basement of Keeting. Trishcia and I got excited and decided to go check it out for ourselves. It is in the basement of Keeting in this really big room that looks like it's under construction now. The floor has a star on it which is focused on in the movie. We could also tell it was the room because the tiles are large on one side and smaller on the other. It was so cool to see the room in real life while watching the movie at the same time. Chris didn't believe Trishcia and I that we were able to get into Keeting so we took him back to look.

    Oh yeah! the hypnotist was awesome! My friend Dierdre was hynotized to sing and perform to brittany spears. She hates to dance, and is kinda shy, but she did the entire dance to oops i did it again. Later that night she was so scared about what she did, because she doesn't remember any of it. She said its 2hours of her life completely lost. That's a scary feeling, but it definately was a funny show!

    Current Mood: good
    Thursday, September 25th, 2003
    2:09 pm
    For twelve years I woke up at 6:30 am five days a week and went through eight hour days of schooling with at most two breaks in the day. Now that I am in college I can't get through more than two classes in a row without feeling like I'm going to die. My longest day of classes is wednesday because I have a class at 8:30, 9:30, 10:30 and 1:30. The 10:30 is a two hour lab every other week. Tuesday and Friday follow the same schedule as Wednesday, excluding the lab. I don't get up for my 8:30 until 8:15 - any earlier is impossible. Every day I am done by 2:20 which in my opinion is a really good schedule. A lot of my friends have classes till 5:30 and some till 9:15 who are in CBA (the buisness school). I think I'd rather be done by 3 than have later classes, especially after work study starts (which will start soon).

    I was up till 4 am this morning because my brother left the house in a rage of threats and my mom called me to try and call him. I tried numerous times but his phone was off. I left 3 voicemessages. Finally, around 2am my phone rang. It was Tim. He wouldn't tell me where he was, and I don't think he's returned home yet. My family is one big fuck up. We're all screwed. When my mom called I was scared, but I wasn't at the same time. I don't know whether I wasn't scared because I knew he wouldn't do anything drastic, or if it is because I just can't care anymore.

    When I talked to Chris the other day (my brother) he told me that he was taking the responsibilty for Tim and that it's no longer my problem. I really hope he takes the responsibility he claims he will take, because it is an extremely difficult one.

    Within the few hours I was able to sleep I had a dream I went to the DMB concert with Tim. It was held in the Neshaminy mall. I also dreamed that Christopher (brother) died and that I had to say the eulogy. It was an extremely vivid dream. The dream related to the night and just switched the two people or names. Chris (my friend) called me around 1 to tell me about the DMB concert that I wished I was at, and Tim was the one I was scared for. Dreams are crazy things.

    Tonight is alll you can eat at Pugsleys for $5.00. Afterwards we're going to a hypnotist who's on campus tonight. It should be fun.

    Current Mood: tired
    Monday, September 22nd, 2003
    10:03 pm
    I love my new doctor - she is the #1 coolest person I have ever met. That's excluding my best friends, my uncle, aunt, and alex and justin. If you exclude those people though then she is the coolest person I have ever met. I'm really happy I go to her. Before I was embarassed, but I'm not as embarassed anymore. Noone at FU knows I go see a doctor except for Emily. I told them my doctor appointment today was for my surgery. I'm sure I could tell them the truth, but it's easier just lying for right now. They knew I had to go somewhere today because I was supposed to stay home and wait for annie's flowers that we ordered her for her birthday, but I needed to tell them I couldn't stay. It's not that I can't tell them, but it's more of a fact that they don't need to know. None of them even know about blurty so it's not like writing in it will make them realize. Not that there is anything to be embarrassed about.
    I was embarrassed before because my mom was, and still is embarassed that her daughter needs to see someone. After my friends accepted it though I accepted it and realized that it's just an issue my mom has with herself, and that there isn't anything to be embarassed about. It sucks my mom, and actually my grandmom too, are embarassed about it, but the only family whose opinion I really care about is uncle and aunt linda's and they know.
    I don't really have much to say today. I think I'm going over Chris's later. Chris is really cool and he's going to the TSL concert too.
    This week is the week that the underwear gets sent out. I am EXTREMELY excited.

    Current Mood: good
    Sunday, September 21st, 2003
    8:35 pm
    how well do you know yourself?
    HEY GUYS!!! I had a pretty bad week so I figured it was time to have some fun blurty style. With the help of Maureen we have made up some questions about everyones favorite subject - themselves. Here's a quiz about the biba6 - see how many you can answer right. write your answers in the comment section. HAVE FUN!

    1) Which Biba 6 member answered the quizzo question, "what sport uses a pommel horse", as POLO?

    2) Who likes to pick fuzz balls off of its deformed bunny? And what is that bunny's name?

    3) What member can't throw a marshmallow for her life, but can drink faster than anyone?

    4) Who was the reason why Juice won the 1,000 dollar award?

    5) Who has a black dad?

    6) Who correlated a latin verse to "how do you solve a problem like maria"?

    7) Who drove on the lawn at Nazareth?

    8) Who was Sr. Camille obsessed with because she "applied" to BC?

    9) who's dad wore women's shoes?

    10) who is obsessed with craisins?

    11) Who had a knife pointed at her by two slovakians when she called them russians?

    12) who "collects" shot glasses?

    Current Mood: chipper
    Thursday, September 18th, 2003
    3:42 pm
    I saw the sign, I opened up my eyes and I saw the sign.....ha...i wish
    Here is an excerpt from an e-mail my uncle sent me this morning: "Heard a rumor that you had an unfortunate and untimely incident w/ a sign post. Man, NYC must be tougher than I remember. It took me at least until October of my freshman year for my first visit to the emergency room. If memory serves (and it's a bit blurry for an old geezer like me), most of my visits were either induced by lack of athleticism (intramurals) or lack of sobriety."

    So yeah...I hit a sign. I was walking back from the store with Nell, Emily, and Kristen. We had gone out to get stuff for Kait and Annie's birthdays which are September 19th, and September 22nd. On the way back we crossed a main street and started walking on the sidewalk. The sidewalk was narrow, and I had my head down, like usual, as I walked. I went to put my head up to say something to Emily, and then, SMACK, right into the sign. I slammed my head into it, lost my balance as my feet came from out under me, and whacked the back of my head on the concrete. Luckily, my pony tail absorbed some of the fall, but I was still disoriented and suffered a minor concussion. I also cut my lip some how and now have a fat lip.

    Emily and Nell took me to Fordham's medical center where they told me that I had to go to the hospital. Emily and Nell both offered to go with me, but Nell had work at three and Emily had choir at 5. It wasn't fair for them to come with me due to my own stupidity. Plus, I needed Emily to stay home and go to my tutoring meeting for me which I had to miss.

    The hospital is an extremely lonely place. I couldn't even talk to my parents if I wanted to because cell phones aren't allowed. Every time someone walked by I imagined my parents walking in just like they've done the other 100 times. My dad would walk in first with a concerned look on his face, and my mom would walk in second, arms crossed, forcing a smile for me. I wanted so badly to see that smile, but instead all I saw was a man vomiting non stop for atleast half an hour, and doctors who laughed at me when I told them what happened.

    The doctors stopped laughing though when I told them my past medical history. The first thing that went through my mind when I fell was, "Fuck". It wasn't, "fuck that hurt", but "fuck, all that work, and now I may have just screwed myself up again." I feel ok now though, and I don't think I damaged anything other than just getting another concussion.

    Last night I was really anxious and sad, and really wanted my parents and friends from home. The girls on the floor, although sympathetic, laughed at how I hit my head. It's funny now, but last night I wasn't in the mood to laugh because I was really scared. I ended up taking my anxiety and fear out on the wrong people and managed to offend my brother, and one of my best friends all in the matter of twenty minutes.

    Thankfully, I didn't screw up things too bad between my friend and I, but I did manage to further separate the line between my brother and I. When I called my mom crying to her because I was so scared I could hear my brother in the background screaming, "fuck you!" He im'd me to ask if I was feeling better, and I told him I was fine, but that he wasn't and I couldn't take it anymore. I was only telling the truth, but it was definately the wrong thing to say, and now, like most of the times I open my mouth, I wish I never said it.

    Today I didn't go to class. I'm supposed to spend the day in bed, but that is extremely boring, and will not be done. I did go to 5 minutes of one class though just to drop off a paper that was due today. I felt like I was drunk - I couldn't walk in a straight line. Sitting down I am fine, standing up and walking is the problem.

    This weekend is HOMECOMING! It might be cancelled though due to the weather forecast. I was going to go home - I was planning on it this morning, but now I'm feeling better, and I think home is just going to be a bad idea for me. Hopefully we get drunk all weekend like the plan remains. There's a football game on saturday that I am excited about. I'm more excited for the pregaming though.

    *there's also a little bit of dissapointing news about the Sisters of the Holy Family of Nazareth. They did not house anyone during the Holocaust. They were killed for praying. Being killed for praying is still a very big thing, but I really thought they housed.

    Current Mood: awake
    Current Music: like a prayer - madonna
    Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
    11:04 pm
    STOP: DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO COMMENT!!
    Ok, so I have a purely hypothetical story for everyone that I'd like everyone to comment on.

    Say there was this girl, Marlene, who loved DMB, and went to as many of their concerts as possible. Her favorite past time at these concerts used to be dancing on the lawn. That was until marlene found a new past time at the last concert. While Marlene was indulging in SOR behavior she met a boy named Jacob. Marlene, though, does not remember Jacob. Jacob sure remembers her though as he calls everyday. Now...here's the dilemma: Marlene doesn't know what to do with Jacob's phone calls, and whether she should meet him. She is torn between the ever random hookup, and the possibility that maybe Jacob can be something more. Should Marlene meet Jacob, or should she keep the relationship at the most basic level of random hookup which it is at right now? Also, if Marlene was to meet Jacob, how and where should they meet?

    If you have any suggestions on what Marlene should do, please press the comment button at the bottom of the journals screen. Thankyou

    Current Music: bartender - DMB
    1:05 pm
    All lies and jests, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest
    Yesterday was a nice day, because I got to see my dad, my internet started to work again, and my Nanny sent me a card. My dad came with me to meet my new doctor. She's sooo cool. Mo wants me to have her take me shopping. I'll try, but I think that kinda interferes with the patient/doctor policy line. She has such good clothes though.

    After I saw my doctor my dad and I ate at TGI Fridays on 42nd and madison. It was scrumptiliumptious. I really liked seeing my dad, even if it had only really been a few weeks. He told me though about my brother and how he's getting worse. I'm really scared for him. His day consists of sleeping, eating, going online, and then sleeping again. He told my dad never to go into his room, and if he can avoid it he tries as hard as possible not to have to see my dad ever. My heart is broken at the fact that my brother can be such an asshole to my dad. I love my dad, and I'm afraid something may happen to him someday before Tim can realize he too loves my dad.

    I don't think Tim is going to get better. In the summer I believed it was just a matter of time and that he would eventually get help and everything would eventually be fine. Now I'm on the outside looking in, and realize that you can't force him to do anything, and he really isn't going to get any better. He talks to himself, and makes up these crazy ideas all of the time. He's so wrapped up in himself, and the other guy in his head, that he's forgotten what its like to talk to other people. If you try talking to him he becomes startled. I want him to come up this weekend, but I don't know if he is. I want to tell him again that he needs help, but I know he more than likely won't listen.

    He listens to Chris, but that scares me too, because Chris hasn't been here to see the change, and I'm afraid he'll sympathize with Tim. Tim will play into that sympathy and the situation will just get worse. Chris knows there's a change in our brother, but he hates confrontation, and he probably won't tell tim what he needs to hear.

    In other news....my friend Peter went into the city today and got the new thursday cd. He's burning it for me - I'm really excited. I loooooovvee Thursday. Number one song will always be Porcelain though, followed by understanding in a car crash. How great was that concert?!!! I still think about it, and how extremely awesome it was.

    I may go to Tinkers tonight and get my drink on. I don't know though - I have a lot going on tomorrow, so it may not be the best idea. This weekend is a big weekend though. HOMECOMING!!!!! It's also Kait, and Annie's birthdays so if my brother doesn't come up we're getting wasted for the entire weekend. I walked onto campus the other night coming home from Scranton and Nell and Annie both jumped me. They told me that I wasn't allowed to be sober all weekend. It's gonna be great.

    lol right now emily is listening to Neil Diamond - lol we're so perfect for eachother.

    Current Mood: okay
    Current Music: neil diamond and simon and garfunkel
    Sunday, September 14th, 2003
    12:10 pm
    Greetings from "the U"
    Hey guys! I'm up here at Scranton with my girl HJ. I got in around 1:40 in the afternoon, and then mare showed me around the campus in the afternoon. For lunch we ate pizza from goodfellows, and for dinner we ate at farley's. After lunch, I met Mare's friend keith. Keith was really nice, and is an exact replica of what my cousin Alex is going to look like ten years from now. It was crazy...they even have the same haircuts (bowl cuts lol). Me, keith, and Mare all played frisbee with plates out on the lawn. It was fun.

    After dinner, Mare introduced me to kevin. Kevin is really nice, but I think mare is too obsessed....but what do I know? We spent time in his room for awhile, and then got ready to go out.

    Mare's neighbor has this $85 straightening iron and let me borrow it. Mare straightened my hair for me and it looked really good. We took pictures. By the end of the night though, my hair once again looked like crap and was frizy again. I hate my hair.

    We went to a bunch of parties, but we didn't get going until late, and a lot of kegs were kicked by like 10. we found 2 good parties though, and stationed ourselves there for awhile. Mainly though it was just a lot of walking, and too few alcoholic beverages. My philosophy is that if you're going to drink, get drunk. Unless you are Rich, you aren't gonna get drink on two beers. I wasn't drunk, but buzzed - I had like 5 i think - 3 in 20 minutes. Mare was the same way. We would have drank more, but the keg was finished.

    When we got back to the room Mare decided to talk to people online and leave messages to kevin that he's sooo hot. I tried to stop her, but it didn't work.

    Mo called around 2:30 from a party. She seemed like she was having a good time so I was happy. She called again around 3:30. Nothing in this world is better than drunk phone calls from your friends.

    Today, we are going to the Steamtown mall, and a coffee shop called Northern Lights. My bus leaves at 3:25, and I get in around 6:15.

    I loved being here for the day, but I will honestly say that I am happy at Fordham. I will be back to Scranton eventually though, because the people here are really nice.

    I GET TO SEE MY DAD TOMORROW!!! lol I'm really excited - I miss him.


    Well....that was my weekend at scranton. Mare was afraid I was going to tell everyone the parties up here suck. The parties here don't suck - just be prepared to walk up "parachute hill" like hills, and GO EARLY!!!! Oh! and this should be elementary, but save your cup and bring it from party to party so you don't have to pay every time.

    OK guys - peace out ya'll!! back to NYC

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Current Music: david grey - be mine
    Friday, September 12th, 2003
    9:12 pm
    bored out of my mind
    yeah....It's a friday night in NYC and I'm online (not even my computer mind you). I am on my roommate's because my internet is down and I have no idea when it will be fixed. Mine is the only one down on the floor - kinda sucks. Anyway, I'm in tonight because my friends went into manhatten around 4, and I had my tutoring orientation until 5. My roommate let me use her comp because she knew I'd be extremely bored tonight since everyone is away.

    It''s ok I'm staying in tonight though, because I have to get up early tomorrow to go to scranton. I get to see Mary Fran this weekend!!!! I'm sooo stoked. Then, I get to see my dad on monday. yay! I really miss him more than I thought I would. Next weekend I dont see anyone, but that's ok, because hopefully I'll see shannon on the 27th as long as she doesn't have rehearsal. I'm really praying she doesn't, because I really miss her. I miss all of my friends, and I hope to see them all soon. Next weekend is also Shannon's birthday, so I'll give a shoutout to her now just in case i don't update later on due to my internet. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Juice also moves in this week so - good luck juice!!!

    Next Friday my uncle may be in town for the night, but I'm not really sure. I hope he is - I want to see him. If I don't see him though, I will see him and my aunt in october. They are taking me to an off broadway show called deleguardia. I'm really excited to spend time with them. I love Alex and Justin, but it's going to be nice to just be with my aunt and uncle for once.

    October 3 is parents weekend. I get to see my nanny. I REALLY miss my nanny. I called her yesterday. She was so cute on the phone because she got really excited to hear from me. I never thought of my family as missing me, so it's kinda weird that they do.

    My brother may come up next weekend too. Now that I'm not living with him I can handle him a little more, and hopefully become close with him again. He still needs help...but there's nothing more I can do about that.

    Anonymous left a comment on my last entry asking what my work study is. The program is "ARC" - America Reads Challenge. It is a tutoring program started by Clinton to help k-6 graders in reading and math. It was founded on the basis of trying to get colleges and universities more involved in their surrounding areas. I will be sent to a school within walking distance of FU and will tutor kids in reading and math.

    I think I'm going to go now - cya all soon! VISIT ME!!!!

    Current Mood: bored
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