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[23 Jul 2003|09:03pm]
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[04 May 2003|05:15pm]
Danii and AJ are hilarious! I had fun at the coffee shop yesterday, and meeting Andie. I think AJ's in trouble though. I had to call Red yesterday evening because it reminded me of something he did a while ago. I believe I called him while his girlfriend was over the house and his other "girl" answered the phone. Hilarity followed.

Danii! I finished making the olive branch. I used the non pitted olives though because pitted ones wouldn't work too well. I took a whole bunch of pictures too. Notice I sound like a TWO year old right now! I talked to Danny. He said he wrote a song for me. Isn't he sweet? That's the kind of best friend everyone should have.

AHH I have to go. I have to work on my implied shapes homework and work on a lab design project. I JUST GOT HERE! That's what I get for transferring. hehe!
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[03 May 2003|03:26pm]
I think I'm in trouble. I don't know why I think that but I do. You know, because I have this new confidence and what not...but right now I'm feeling completely insecure. Why do I feel like this now as opposed to any other time? Shit...I have to go...
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Adjusting must be done [26 Apr 2003|02:43pm]
[ mood | musical ]
[ music | Easier to Run - Linkin Park ]

I miss Danny. He's my best friend from my former school. He and I met on orientation. He's mad young like me. He was like this genius kid in school and skipped 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. We used to hang out in our computer classes, which you have to take for viscom, and we'd have the challenge section. See our teacher use to always get the facts wrong, so we'd correct her. We almost got failed because of that.

BUT, we didn't. I think it was because we were younger than the average college student, and she was like, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. Well, we challenged her every single day.

He called me last night too. He asked me how I was adjusting. I don't think he realizes how much I really miss him. I wouldn't call us friends with benefits but we're close.

OK, enough of that stuff. I'm taking time to look around the school and find out what's going on with everybody. Not that I would say anything, I tend to get really bad looks from people when I tell them my grade and age. If not bad looks then horrible judgement. I don't care though, Chamilla told me to be strong and selfish. She went to college for like two days...and quit. It wasn't for her. I still say she should go back, the joy of college is that anyone can go to college. Aye, I'm typing a novel again.

Chaz aka CJ that's also a screen name for aim

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Come on get happy... [19 Apr 2003|03:29pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | linkin park - hit the floor ]

I had an assignment during my freshman year that I thought was kind of interesting for right now. How would you describe yourself, in a past life? I think the focus was on past lives so everyone was asked what they were. I remember saying I think I was Jewish. I just feel that way sometimes. I don't understand why. I don't tell many people about that, and the main reason is because I'm not easily accepted after I say something like that.

Scary thing about me is, acceptance is very important to me. I need to feel a part of something. Anything. Definate downside to that don't you think? Because of it I have this incredible fear of failure and rejection. I'm starting to think maybe, that I need therapy because the average person my age doesn't talk about these things. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a goblin baby (common term for babies born around halloween). I guess being born around a time that was supposed to be when ghosts and ghouls had "parties" made me think more. Maybe I came out of my mother with glasses and a clipboard cooing to the doctor that I wanted to know his credentials before I'd let him slap my ass.

I'm a walking contradiction. One thing I remember was always being on my own. I am quite content sitting by myself, listening to my disc man and writing countless poems about things I don't have...yet, I want to be accepted. How is someone who never gets off their ass accepted? I stumble through meeting people. It's terrible.

I usually get this nervous laughter or I start rambling about something incredibly stupid. Then there's my singing habit. I tend to start singing alot for no reason. *Laughs* I just like music alright is that so wrong? I wanna be the first person with a cd with all types of songs on it. All done by me, different languages and style. I want something sounding like Linkin Park to go into something sounding like Faith Hill...know what I mean?

I have to call my mother now. I suddenly feel the need to speak with her you know? Situations make me realize how special she is to me.

You know, maybe I should start writing a book. Make the main topic, who am I now and who will I be...in a past life. Who will you be?

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Hi kids, do you like violence? [18 Apr 2003|03:46pm]
[ mood | intimidated ]

Wanna see me stick nine inch nails through each one of my eyelids? Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? Wondering when I'm gonna stop typing these lyrics?

Ok. My name is Chazmere Jade. I was always called Chaz or Chazzy J but I like Chaz or CJ. 20 and I will be 21 in October on Halloween. Imagine the joys of getting scared senseless on your birthday. My family just moved here from El Cajon, Cali. I miss all my friends. And I'm having a hard time trying to fit in. Someone has to give me a reason why I should be more social!
I mean I like to make friends, and that's no problem it's the...talking. Anyway.

I'm part Cuban. Part native american and my Father will not stop saying "She's got my hair". I love my dad, I do. But...he's a little wierd sometimes.

I've got two sisters, Chamilla and Sorita. They're adorable. Sorita is seven years old and Chamilla is 26. Chamilla acts like the youngest. That's alright though cause I'm going to be big soon. I'm trying to get my act together, maybe start working in TV. Not like acting, I can do acting and all, that's cool, I wanna be hands on. Behind the scenes.

I'm a music buff, I'm in love with music, I write it, I play it. I play, piano, harp, violin, banjo, guitar and drums. I only do that because when I was younger, I would get bored alot and my father would buy us instruments. Chamilla and Sorita never played them. We have a brother too! His name is Loredo, we call him Red. He plays the drums then got bored, so that left me to tinker with them and bam, there you go. Prodigy city.

Around El Cajon, I was called Smilez, cause as you see from my pictures, I smile alot, even when I'm incredibly down, I smile because you never know who's watching you, ya know? Aye, I'm writing a novel here. I'm going to stop.

aim: Chaz aka CJ

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