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doughnuts [28 Aug 2003|04:15pm]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Sweet Transvestite - rocky horror picture show ]

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Stalking on the terrain, wielding a meaty axe, cometh Broken_dreamz! And she gives a booming roar:

"I'm going to smack you so hard, your screams will reanimate the dead!!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

haha weird
next weekend some religious guy from japan is going to stay at our house. (doesn't even speak english) that's going to be fun, all I know how to say is hello and 1,2,3. I guess we will be pointing and grunting a lot, yeah that sounds bad.
5retro dudes| I love the 80s

[25 Aug 2003|06:58pm]
haven't written in here awhile,
tomorrow is the first day at my new highschool, at least im a senior? i hope this year turns out better anyway.
i got my hair cut too, i felt like one of the hanson kids at first but I like it now.
2retro dudes| I love the 80s

[05 Aug 2003|08:30pm]
[ mood | full ]

My computer is finally working again: life is pretty boring so far.
But I got a cat and a pirate flag for my birthday so I can't complain. I haven't thought of a name for it yet (I really need help naming it) but it's a male english white that weighs 20 lbs if that is helpful.
So, I'm 17 now that means I only have one more year of highschool to try and improve my void social life. I had it coming somewhat.

Yep and so far this summer I read:
Candy and Me

3retro dudes| I love the 80s

[17 Jul 2003|09:45am]

Battle Imp

Who's your battle imp?

Backstabbing: 1

Dodgin': 3

Guts: 3

Magic Mojo: 10

Smackdown: 4

Will your battle imp beat Tiffany's?
Enter your name and fight.
2retro dudes| I love the 80s

[15 Jul 2003|12:36pm]
[ mood | bored ]

We moved to our new house. It's very white and well different considering I havn't moved in 5 years till now. Danville is nice I guess, although everyone drives like a bunch of pent up weasles around here. It's the cars probably. Hey if I had a mercades or bmw I'd drive like that too. Yeah well I got into my first accident too, on the very first day we moved here. I was at the Safeways and was Already backing up when this other lady decided to back up too. Then once she killed my car she jumped out and started yelling at me and saying it was all my fault you crazy teenager. Eh, whatever, maybe it was.
Beside that not much has happened, I'm thinking of making a comic book but it's to bizzare to tell right now. :D

10retro dudes| I love the 80s

[09 Jul 2003|02:25pm]
[ mood | silly ]

I'm seeing my new head shrinker today. whoopedy do da.

And for some reason I decided to walk for three hours to my mom's office...I hope that funny smell isn't my feet.

2retro dudes| I love the 80s

[04 Jul 2003|05:50pm]
Going to move next week to our new house, so today has mostly been packing away all the things. My grandma called later in the day and said that she needed help because her finger was stuck. So my mom and my dad and I went over to her apartment and she actually had an electric sewing needle straight through her finger...the master of understatment. Really scary, she started crying and we had to call 911, but thankfully it all turned out all right and wasn't serious. I'm glad shes alright.
2retro dudes| I love the 80s

[01 Jul 2003|03:23pm]
Sometimes I wonder if I really am as stupid as some say. Or maybe it's just that I'm out of it sometimes, I don't know. But the things that have been bothering:

Yeah I remember on the plane flight back to California this flight attendent kept on repeating herself because I really couldn't understand what she was saying. I just went blank. And a while back a guy broke into our house when I was home alone. He came in threw the bathroom window and I just walked outside with the phone. I wasn't even afraid, I guess it didn't feel real to me so I just called me mom and told her what was up. Nope no 911 for me. Then I just went back in the house. Saw the guy fall on the other side of the fence. Yeah then when a police officer came I rode in her car and was and acted stupid again. Later I got lost in moraga and just wandered in the dark for a few hours. Makes me think of Blane, I wonder what ever happened to him and if hes still in jail for child molestation. One time I was walking in the park at night with people and he was wandering alone in the dark with this huge knife. I miss him though, I always do like the strange ones, I use to walk home with him after school and talk to him. Hmm since I'm remembering, I miss Andrea too. The girl who started dancing and eating those onion chips in her sleep.

Anyway, Lately my mom has taken to explaining very simple things to me that I already know. I love her but it's annoying. I'm getting kind of afraid of telling them how I feeling because they keep on calling me obsessed strange etc. I hate the eye rolling too.
3retro dudes| I love the 80s

[30 Jun 2003|03:49pm]
Hmm, I almost forgot that I got these souvenirs

*a old time metal lunch box that says Dear God, keep them safe BUY WAR BONDS
*A celtic ring
*a black t-shirt that has the definition of eejit

Yeah I just updating cus I'm really bored.
I love the 80s

[30 Jun 2003|01:35pm]
[ mood | good ]

Hey, thank you for commenting

I got back from my Virginia and Scotland trip,

My dad, my mom and I drove up to Loch Ness but I didn't see Nessie anywhere. I did get a stuffed one from this tacky gift shop and also a post card saying, "Expose your monster to Loch Ness" the picture is the back of a guy in a quilt showing off his member to the lake. Oh and I ate at the resturant where JK Rowling wrote her first harry potter book. I already read the new one, it wasn't as good as I thought it would be but still interesting.

Yep after Loch Ness we went to the capital of scotland and then we headed back to England and stayed with this old lady with 6 cats. I really miss Scotland blah :/

After that we flew back to Virginia and the whole family went to my cousins wedding. It was really great actually, she looked so beautiful and everything was so nice. At the end of the wedding we all blew bubbles at them instead of throwing rice and got chocolate bars that looked like hersheys but really said Hers&His and had their picture on the back.

Some realative I think Margie? Told us about her daughter at the wedding, how her bank was robbed twice and her apartment set fire by an angry women. She had to flee downstairs as the place was burning and jump out of a window. A lot of other things happened to her too, it's kind of amazing how unlucky she is, but thankfully she's still here.

God, I miss my grandma and her house and her cooking and everyone else too...

The only shit thing today was finding out my SAT scores and my final quarter grades, I think I need to actually study for a change.

7retro dudes| I love the 80s

[16 Jun 2003|05:59pm]
I'll be gone for 2 weeks in virginia and scotland.
Bye all,
I'll miss my computer and blurtyness. :|
At least I can see my family that I don't really know again.
I miss my aunt kerry who sends me mr. bean tapes and recording pens.
7retro dudes| I love the 80s

[16 Jun 2003|04:56pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I don't know what to really say, but I guess I might as well tell about it. It seems strange and unreal now but I want to make sure I don't forget what happened either.

I came home on thursday at 1 o' clock and took 65 pills or so, it was so impulsive I didn't even know what I was doing at the time. I just sat at my computer crying eating one after the other. I realized what I did was wrong, but at the time I was really conflicted. I called my mom and drove over to her office in walnut creek, I think I almost crashed twice because I kept on falling asleep. Around 5 my mom and I went home, and on the drive back I told her what I did. So around 8 o' clock she took my to john muir where I threw up in the lobby and then again after I drank the charcoal. That is the worse thing I have ever tasted, it was jet black and sweet and stained my mouth and teeth. It's strange that all the stuff that happened to me seems like deja vou (spell?) I could almost remember how the medicine tasted even though I never had it before. The old woman they brough into the area next to me also seemed familiar. She kept on screaming aye aye aye aye and making weird moaning noises, I heard someone say something like "bet you don't want to touch" that or something.

Somewhere alone the line the police showed up and then I was given muco mist and it was about 1 at night by that point. One of the nurses told me jesus loves me.

So I stayed in the hospital for 2 days then was transfered over to a teen hospital.

It was different there, basically everyone who was there was a little younger than me...everyone had tried to commit suicide. Nate ate oleander growing in his backyard. Natasha...I think that was her name, threatened to kill her mother with a knife and ran away from home for a day to stay with older guys. Another girl with long dreadlocks had an abortion and was kicked out of the house by her parents. Heather heard voices of devils who told her to stab herself. Kristina was raped and kept laughing this forced and unpleasent laugh at everything and everyone.

My favorite person there was Lindsey, she was really nice but sad too. She escaped from the teen hospital we were at and stole a car, tried to maul people and then crashed it. She also beat the shit out of some other girl. She told us about little trolls bouncing on her bed with lifesavers, how one night they pulled balls out of her head. How she could never find Ed and how her Dad accussed her of stealing all his quarters. She was raped also. Everyonce in awhile she would get confused and go into her own world. I don't know why but I really liked her, I guess there is always some people that I really like for some unexplained reason. Yeah because I liked her when I first met her (in a non sexual way of course) and I really liked kevin koo in my class and gennie lee. There is just some people like that for me, even if I don't know them that much.

Joey another kid in there was 14 and doesn't have any parents. Sometimes he burst into rages and then other times he acts like a little kid with curly hair. They had to restrain him once and he was butt naked when they dragged him into the room, yelling and screaming "I hate you fucking bitches." When he came out he appologized for being a "bad boy."

Mashama was one of the theripist at the hospital that I just met today, he was really funny with as he described it, "getting it on with his rastifarian (spell?) self." He talked about how dirty bathrooms are in a high loud voice and everyones problems. We all needed laughs. Sometimes in the day room we would all sit and stare at our hands, too tired and too lost in our own selves to speak, yeah and too drugged up.

At night I couldn't sleep well, and I really hate being alone. I hate being in this house right now. So many memories and sadness. I feel like I'm chocking still I feel like I'm being killed still sometimes even though that is melodramatic as I always am. Good thing we leave for virginia tonight. My dad told my grandma I tried to kill myself, I wonder how she will act towards me. I'm afraid of that.

So anyway...I was there at that hospital for 3 days, and just got out. They put me on medication, three pills a day. It hasn't worked yet, I'm still sad but I'll wait and see. It's all so overwhelming what happend in these past 5 days, I stared at the tiles in my room, one looked like an anime face and another I swear looked kind of like a penis. Someone scratched over my headboard girls are dead.

I feel sort of like I want to go back there to that hospital, I miss being with other people my age. Funny, everyone there was dying to get out, but I sort of miss it. I want to see how lindsey is doing and I want to watch another movie with them all. Even if I don't speak.

35retro dudes| I love the 80s

Ramble [12 Jun 2003|04:24pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I'm at my mom's office in Walnut Creek,

I can barely keep awake it's so boring, even if the walls are yellow and painted with elephants. Leave it to the dot com-ers. heh.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to rent some movies and chill out. Maybe partake of my favorite food gummy worms.

And then I'm going to get my dad a fathers day present. He never says what he wants, last year I got him a ninja hampster that sings kungfu fighting. nananannana he was fast as lightning.

I want to find that homeless guy that has been wandering around here too so I can give him money this time. It usually talks 2 tries to get me over it, and last time he whispered it so quietly and walked away so fast I didn't have time to think. My dad says that they're sub-human and will only take your money for booze and drugs. I don't think the same way as he does, I believe if you give them the chance, just the chance to do right with that money, your're doing them a great service. Because choices are what defines people as human beings.

I think I'm going to take a nap again...*sweet dreams*

1retro dude| I love the 80s

[12 Jun 2003|03:07pm]
I'm going to miss my old threads class, Alex, Kevin Liang, Gabe even and Genie, Emerald Kevin Koo, all of them. I'll miss ms. san juan the most though, I told her today that I wasn't coming back for senior year and she gave me a hug and told me I had her email address so I could tell her what is up with me.
Miss her so much already, I think of her almost like another mother sometimes.
I love the 80s

[11 Jun 2003|10:10pm]
Almost forgot to thank my blurty friends
I don't know you guys that well yet
but i luv you gals.
I love the 80s

[11 Jun 2003|09:59pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I love my mom and dad so much, It's kind of an amazing thing now a days.
Sometimes I'm down but in the end I know I'll make it farther than I thought I could because I have you two on my side.
I guess it's the only child thing...seeing as I get more pressure from them to excell but also more love.

Hmphs, ok I'm weird lol.

I love the 80s

[11 Jun 2003|03:37pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Today I had my physio. and my german final, I hope they went alright I really need to get a good grade in physio.

Tomorrows my last day of highschool at Northgate and I'm very depressed by this. I feel so empty about everything in my life, and despite my parents trying to comfort me as I rattle off another stinken rant of the past, it still all hurts too much.

Before physio class I had to give sonia and hollyn back thier math books, I haven't talked to them in about 2 months, nor have I talked to kim either in 3 months. I've know these girls for 5 years, they hate me now, I have no friends at all. And I feel so quilty about the things I have done to screw up our friendships, how I was needy and jealous. How stupid I was and blind. How Hollyn gave me chances to open up to her, but I never took them because she was also the one who put me down the most. It's all so confusing and I'm so sad and alone thinking about all the great things those three are doing together while I'm here at home alone. When I gave them back thier books they turned away with few words. That's the last I'll see of them probably.

I can't stop thinking about killing myself, when I go into the kitchen I think wow I could just end it right now with stuff under the kitchen sink. Draino, cleaners, varnishes...or asprin and alcohol..somehow I can't help think that no one would care if I died except my mom and dad. Everyone else doesn't really give a shit.

I'm so fucked up, I even planned out the day I probably am going to do it Aug 1, the Friday before my 17th birthday. I'm so selfish. I don't want to grow up anymore and I don't want to be alone.

7retro dudes| I love the 80s

[10 Jun 2003|03:12pm]
I'm really lonely.
3retro dudes| I love the 80s

[10 Jun 2003|10:19am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Ok, I was gone for a little while.
Only three more days of school, and then I'm out of this place.
I'll miss my teacher Mrs. San Juan though. I think she's the best English teacher I've ever known and probably the funniest.
She told us how she use to be rich and married to some wealthy guy who owned shit in asia. How, if they were bored they would go to their private island to golf. Must have been hard to give up that life when she got divorced. I think I'd go crazy If I went from meeting the prince of monico to being stuck forever teaching at this prision.
Mr. Nicholson, I'll also miss him what with his bushy mustache and old time radio shows. He's cool, any fifty year old that reads comics and owns his own plane is cool heh. It's also amazing what he knows, it's like damn did you spend your whole life reading history books?


Hmm I got my year book today too, I signed this one mentally handicaped guy's year book. It felt nice. I gave him some of my M&Ms.

And I have to do a project for english, I made a costume for Kevin. I hope he likes orange puff balls and fake leaves. I made him a little hat too, he better wear it.

Random but, I just took my math final too, but was about to explode from sheer waterage. I need to stop drinking so much before tests. I was doing the potty dance in my chair.

2retro dudes| I love the 80s

[06 Jun 2003|04:16pm]
[ mood | bored ]

4 more days of school ;)

Hmmz at least all that will be over...and I still have to get my yearbook. I think I'm going to collect all my old yearbooks and make a time capsle out of them. Maybe dig a hole and place them in the back yard for someone else to find years from now. I don't know lol...I just though it might be cool...

I love the 80s

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