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{{.BRiTNEY.}}

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Loser. [15 Jun 2003|09:06pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | Remedy- Jason Mraz ]

Fuck it. Fuck everyone and everything. I havent slept in 3 days, havent eaten in 2, Ive completely lost all hope in everything. Nothing goes right, i screw up everything that happens to me. I just might be the biggest waste of air in the entire world... Just when things start to look good, when i might be getting some point in my life, when people i love start to trust me again. i fuck it up. Theres really nothing else to say about that. I got asked to do such an amazing thing yesterday. I said something without thinking and i ruined it.. I lost 2 of my best friends.. again. I needed a reason to live, and I had it.. It came to me, and i killed it.

Im sorry to everyone that i let down. Im sorry for everything ive ever done. I love you all so much.
Leave a comment, I need something in my life.

1 .Get Nasty.

Looking back, Letting go, And moving on.. [06 Jun 2003|10:32pm]
[ mood | shocked ]
[ music | You're still the one- Shania Twain ]

*she sits down at the desk, still shaking from everything that happened earlier that night, Thinks back, and begins typing*

A lot of things happened today. I got very... interesting news. I still dont know how i feel about anything, Its just all so.. sudden.. I know i need to move on, he's definitly not mine anymore.. he hasnt been for almost a year and a half now. Its just so hard, its still hard.. even after all this time. He is still my best friend in the world, and knows me inside-out. I need to realize its over, I need to move on.. go out on dates, and let him have his own life with the person he loves. Im going to accept it, but i am not going to lose him. We are always going to have history, and we will always be friends. That is one thing i know for sure..

*squints her red eyes from crying, and looks back up*

I will always love you J.. but i give you my blessing with whatever and whoever you want in your life. You are such an amazing person, and you only deserve the best. Dont think you're getting rid of me though *laughs*.. Im always gunna be here for you.. whatever you need.. dont be afraid to call me. ;-* Im still your pinky.. forever (that goes for you too, Jc)
<33 always.. Britney~

*smiles to herself, clicks the update button.. walks to her bed and goes to sleep*

.Get Nasty.

anticipating [05 Jun 2003|05:59pm]
[ mood | calm ]

::sitting down at the desk, she pulls her dark-blonde hair back into a loose pony-tail. She lets out a sigh, shrugging off the day. Her hands smooth down her red tank top and hover over the keyboard::

again, i feel really strange today. i dont know what all these emotions are all of a sudden. I think i just really need J back in my life.. however that may be, i dont really know what i want right now.. i just need him here. i want to be able to talk to him whenever i want to, to pick up the phone and press the first number on speed dial.. and hear his beautiful voice. That voice fills me like nothing else, it warms my heart and soul. When he talks to me, I see why im here, what my reason for life is. Without it, its like.. im nothing.

::shivers run up and down her spine, and she shakes a few times. Still thinking of her lost love, she tries to look towards better things::

J and Chrissy's tour started last night. I bet they did amazing. One of the things i hate most is their haters. Justin and Christina are the single most talented performers out there right now. Anyone would be lucky to see them in concert.. in fact, go get your tickets right now. because this is the one show, you do NOT want to miss. With Justin's engergy and soul, Christinas AMAZING voice and stage presense, and both of their raw talent.. God, this is gunna be an amazing show. So to all the haters.. fuck you! ;-*

::she giggles with the last comment, and figures this is enough for tonight..::

one last thing..

For Jamie-Lynn~~ Baby girl, i miss you SO freaking much.. i love you with all my heart, and hope i can make it to the game today.. if not, Good luck in advance. Heres a good luck kiss :-* with all my love

<33: Brit

1 .Get Nasty.

weird [02 Jun 2003|12:28pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]
[ music | Dead silence, except for my tears. ]

:Slowly moves into the living room of her New York apartment after just taking a long shower. Fingers run up into her long hair, pulling it back into a ponytail. Her hands rub over her face lightly, shaking herself out of the semi-daze she had been in most of the day:

i dont really know where to begin.. i just feel like such a fuck up today, and i dont know why.. this is not a good feeling. i think i really miss him today, not like i dont miss him everyday. but today is different.. i feel.. in love.
and its strange, because yesterday i hated him. yesterday i wanted nothing to do with him. because he cant trust me, he said those words to me.. those terrible things.. "i can never trust you again"

:she stops to shed a tear, picking up her glass and taking a large sip:

God. why did i have to screw up so badly? i broke his heart. it still pains me to say that. Because i know the shit he went through, maybe still is going through.. and i would never want to bring that on him, ever. He was my first love.. my first everything. My soulmate. Jesus, i just love him so damn much.. i see him on tv and it makes me want him so badly, i miss his touch, and the way he used to sing to me. I miss the face he would have when he wrote a song about me, and the tears when he sang it. All he ever did was love me unconditionally, and i messed it up. All of it.

sometimes i wonder if he feels the same way....

.Get Nasty.

[01 Jun 2003|05:33pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | The real world Chicago ]

Well, I'm sure you all know who I am. Im Britney Spears, Internationally known superstar, I like to think that people like me for my music, and im sure some do. But i know that because i dress sexy, and proclaimed myself a Virgin when i first started, ive gotten fans from that. There is also someone underneath all that, Me.
I wanted to take the time to let everyone see the real Britney, which a lot of people think they know, but really dont.

if you dont like what i have to say. Fuck off. Im not forcing anyone to read this journal, you can leave comments, IM me on aim.. whatever you want to say, Im all for Freedom of Speech!

Just dont bash me, the people i love, or what i do.. because its really not your place to do that. This is my place to say whatever i want to say.. whenever i want to say it.. I love life, and i love the way i live, im greatful for everything i have, and i would never sit here saying "oh poor me".. thats not my style..

so sit back and enjoy what i have to say!

*muah*

.Get Nasty.

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