12:09am 08/07/2003
mood: giddy
music: Cosby Show in the background
Well here I am. And for once I actually feel like writing! Woooohoo, go me! So let's see...I got up and wow, talk about drama. My mom's best friend who she used to work with calls and says that come the end of August my mom's old boss is giving her her job back after she was terminated due to company downsizing about a month ago. She won't be given back her exact position and we're not sure if she will get to be just a cunsultant or be a manager of two separate offices. We also found out today that my aunt (my dad's sister) is out to screw him out of all the money from my granfather's estate since she got him to sign a waiver to everything until October. Don't even ask why until then but anyway. We have to get him an attorney to fight it since he was told to sign it and he figured it was ok since it was from the Estate Lawyer. But no it was just a ploy by my low-life, greedy aunt to have all my grandfather's money, his home, and his belongings to herself. So that's a total mess but hopefully my dad can revoke the waiver since he had no idea what it was for. Ok so that's what most of the morning consited of. Then we went to Wal-mart so my mom could get some things and for me to get some film developed. Ends up it had pics from Christmas on it, a picture of my dog, and a picture of my poor lil Mudd Pie.
Mudd Pie was my rat that I had from the end of my freshmen year of college at Canton. He had to be put to sleep back a few months ago because he had cancer and it was starting to come out through his skin. It was so horrible. So it was cool to see a picture of him, yet it was sad. Most people think rats are gross and disgusting but he was such a sweetheart. I miss giving him leftovers from my dinner and just about any other meal. Anyway. There were also pictures of my Jeep from the accident in January. That brings back odd memories! All sorts of confusion and a foggy state of mind. I'm still a bit paranoid when I see buses that look like the one that rear-ended me. It's also a compulsive habit of mine to see who the driver is every time I see one....regardless of where I am. The thought of that woman still out there driving one scares the shit out of me. So let's see, anything else? Well I find myself thinking about Doug more and more all the time. And good thought of him and us and happiness. It scares me to think about how many times there could have been an end to US. I'm so happy we've or maybe just that I've overcome it all and that we have moved on and are so happy together. I keep saying he's the best boyfriend in the world and it's the complete truth. I also keep saying that someday I'm gonna marry that boy, and I'd be the happiest person alive for that to happen. Gives me little butterflies just thinking about it. My mood has also changed from being in a pissy mood to being so happy. Happy like a kitten shredding a brand new roll of toilet paper. Ever notice they don't want to shred the almost gone roll of toilet paper? They want to shred that brand new, waiting to be used toilet paper. Speaking of all of this...our kitten Shadow who is about 4 and a half months old, has never touched the toilet paper roll. He's actually been the best kitten who have ever really had. He just likes to play with dead squirrels. haha Anyway, I'm getting a lil sleepy so I'm gonna hop into bed and watch a little tv until I fall asleep. Til next time.............................
     Read 1 - Post
10:33pm 05/07/2003
mood: tired
Well today was semi eventful. Did some running around, groceries, visited my dad, and then went to my best friend from high school (Heather's) little sister's (Krystle's) grad party. Chilled there for about 2 hours and then when it looked like it was going to storm we came home. I just layed on my bed and watched tv for a while and then Doug called me. We talked for almost an hour and a half and then my mom decided she wanted to go visit someone. So we went to visit my godfather and his wife. After being there for almost 3 hours, we came back home. Now I'm in my jammies and just gonna go lay in bed watching tv. Not much else to why not?!!? Anyway, will probably write tomorrow. I'm pretty tired =(
Yup...another one =0)   
09:53pm 03/07/2003
mood: chipper
music: Ashanti - Happy
You represent... happiness.
You represent... happiness.
Boy, are you full of cheer or what...? You have a
sunny disposition and enjoy trying to spread
your happiness. You have a tendency to be a
little hyper, but you have the ability to make
your own fun no matter what.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
This is so true...haha   
09:46pm 03/07/2003
mood: impressed
music: Darude - Feel the Beat
ICE is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
04:43pm 02/07/2003
mood: depressed
Woke up this morning thinkin everything was going to go great today. Nothing was planned for today but I woke up and wasn't in as much pain, wasn't as depressed, and everything seemed good. Everything was fine for the majority of the day. My mom had some errands to do so I decided to hop in the shower and then tag along. While I'm in the shower she tells her friend I'll work for her tomorrow for a few hours. When I seemed like I didn't want to it and so they upped the pay as a bribe for me to work for a few hours tomorrow. OK so'll gimme a few bucks, even though I hate working there. So off we go to run errands and out of nowhere my mom starts acting like a psycho bitch. Yelling at me in the store cuz I questioned where she would be galavating around to while I had to sit in Dianna's store for 4 hours. She got all pissed and was like fine then I'll call her tonight and tell her forget it and fuck it all. It's a bit embarassing to be 21 years old and have your mother screaming at you in front of a bunch of people. So I was like ok whatever...and tried to not let it bother me. Then she goes to buy some paint at Sherwin Williams and so we get that and leave. She decides to go next door to Dunkin Donuts to get an iced coffee but it too pig headed to listen to me and she orders herself the wrong thing. So then she's bitching how awful it is what she got! Then we go to pull out of there and there's your regular two driving lanes with a lane in between for people to use to turn. Well she is just sitting there in the entrance to the Dunkin Donuts and bitching about the traffic and blah blah blah, then she pulls her fucking car halfway into the lane and I'm like just get in this lane and swing around somewhere she screams at me and does it anyway and then bitches for a few minutes. The rest of the way home was spent in silence, which is probably a good thing. We get home and I get most of the stuff out of the trunk for her and then I give her $5 for some cd sleeves that I bought and she throws a fit and is like, you keep it...lord knows you'll be asking me for money when you go see Doug next time. It was a huge slap in the face. She acts like I'm an ungrateful bitch who is always asking for money. For one, I rarely ask her for any money to go down there. She usually give me $20 to go down there. I appreciate it, but it's also only $20 friggin dollars! I can't even fill my Jeep with that unless I fill up on the Rez. So I've given up for now even talking to her. All she does is scream at me like I'm stupid. My seemily good day has turned around to be another god damn depressing day. A day where you are made to feel like a worthless piece of shit and where all you want to do is dig a hole and bury yourself. As for now I think I'm going to go take a nap. Maybe everything will be better when I wake up?!!? One can hope...right?
12:05am 02/07/2003
mood: depressed
music: Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven
I don't feel much like writing tonight. I'm far too depressed and I miss Doug more than ever right now. I just wish I could be in his arms and have him tell me it's ok. Everything was fine til he called and we got to talk and then he decided to go to bed cuz he was tired. Which I can understand, but we had only been on the phone for 40 minutes and it just felt like it was way too soon. He is 200 miles away and it just really sucks right now. My life right now sucks and I'm still in the pain that started back yesterday. Just when you think that maybe it's comes right back again. I really don't want to have to start going to physical therapy again...but guess I'll have to do whatever it takes to try to make this all go away. The migraines and the pain going from my neck right down my whole back is getting so frustrating. All because of another person's stupily careless driving. Anyway, I'm gonna take a muscle relaxer, slab some Bengay on my back and neck, then get into bed to watch tv until the muscle relaxer kicks in. If you feel you have something to say to cheer me up or comment on, please feel free. Then again I don't even think anyone ever reads this damn thing...cuz if they do, they never comment or at least say hello. Maybe things will change soon.......
This is definitely me....   
12:53pm 01/07/2003
mood: silly
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
What are the odds?   
12:41pm 01/07/2003
mood: giggly
You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
     Post it's been a few days   
12:03am 01/07/2003
mood: content
Oh's been a few days since last time and I really don't feel like covering all that has happened. At some point I did and now...I just don't. So no real biggy, no one ever posts anything on here so I highly doubt anyone is really reading If someone is actually reading this incredibly boring journal...let me Maybe I'll make it more interesting. haha So that's great, I'm practically bribing people to read this. Then again who knows...maybe someone is reading this but they don't reply cuz there's nothing really to reply to. But someone could just say hello, and maybe become a friend for crying out loud. My friend's list is ummmmmm, very bare! Anyway, I just got done painting my nails and toenails. They look very pretty in "Ruby Clarity". It's like a dark metallic burgundy color. VERY VERY nice. haha Anyway, I'm finishing watching Ferris Buller's Day Off and then poppin in a dvd and getting in bed to watch it til I fall asleep. I'm just trying to decide what to watch. I'd ask for ideas but those may never come. lol On second thought, screw the dvd idea, I'm gonna watch the Cosby show on I love watching all those repeats of shows like that. hehe Alright then...I'm off. Nighty nighty all.
Maybe tomorrow   
11:57pm 27/06/2003
mood: exhausted
Ok so I just got home from going to the movies with my friend Meg and I'm soooo tired. I miss my hunny since I didn't get to talk to him tonight either....was my fault though. But I didn't want to pass up an opportunity for me and Meg to catch a flick. Anyway, I'm not going to try to make myself feel guilty about it. I'm way too tired for that. So I'm off to lay in bed and throw on a movie to watch til I fall asleep....I'm thinkin The 'Burbs is an awesome choice! So hopefully tomorrow sometime I can come write and all that jazz. Nighty night.
missing my hunny   
11:21pm 26/06/2003
mood: depressed
music: nothing, just the tv in the background
I want to write but I'm feeling so exhausted and down. It's not even that late but today was kind of on the go. Anyway...I miss my hunny so much and I only got to talk to him for 15 minutes tonight. I didn't even get to hear how his day went. Hopefully I get to talk to him tomorrow night. I wish that he was here or I was there or whatever! I sometimes find myself completely missing him. I feel so lost without him at times and just the thought of him and knowing I can't see him makes me want to cry. I never would have thought that I would miss him this much while he is doing his residency. I guess it's just so hard going from seeing him everyday, all the time, while we were out in Canton at the apartment and then him moving to Weedsport and me being what seems to be million miles away. Oh well I'm off to bed and maybe I'll write about my day tomorrow. Hopefully I won't be so bummed out by then! G'night all!

Anyone who has any comments or advice to offer, please feel free.....lord knows I need it.
09:07am 26/06/2003
mood: hot
music: Nelly - Hot in here
Ok so's 9am and I just woke up. My mom decided to turn off the air last night and said open the windows in our rooms and it'd be decent...except my room was still hot last night. It took me forever to fall asleep since it was a tad on the warm side. I friggin wake up this morning sweating my ass off. So I go turn the air on and shut my window. Kitten was in the garage crying so I let him in and then opened the door that goes outside to see if the other 2 cats were there, only one of them was. So I let her in and I look at the thermometer and its 84! Can you believe that???? It's 84 friggin degrees out at 9am. I know they said it was going to be hot out today but god damn! Luckily I won't be sitting around the house waiting for it to cool off. After I finish this, I'm getting in the shower and getting dressed. Then mom and I are off to Montreal to go to IKEA with dad's truck to buy her bookcase and whatever else she may buy for the living room...or me! haha Then on the way back we're stopping at Dianna's to sit by the pool for a few hours. Then maybe I can burn onto of what is still left of my burn from Tuesday while driving...haha Well I'm going to try not to burn too sense in being a total idiot. Which makes me think back to the time Michelle, Cathy, and I went to Acapulco together. Michelle wanted to go take a walk on the beach. So we went and started walking the beach a bit when she decided that she wanted to go parasailing. So as we wait about 30 mins for her turn to come and another 10-15 mins while they suit her up Cathy and I are just talking. So then up Michelle goes and Cathy and I watch her. Once she is done, we all go back to the room and I decided that oh wow I'm burnt, I'm not going back out to the pool to lay out. We had the mistake of having no sunscreen or tanning lotion or anything for that matter, on our skin. So yeah we chilled around our room, which had the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room/dining room, and then a huge balcony. So it's not like it was bad staying inside. Anyway by that night when went to go out clubbing, the skin on the top of my shoulders had become like bubble wrap. It hurt like hell and looked absolutely disgusting. I was like I better drink a lot tonight cuz this really hurts. Once back home it just got worse. lol not literally worse but what started happening was worse. You'd go to bed at night and the blisters would pop and well the stuff would just ooze out of them and onto your shirt. You'd wake up with the shirt caked onto your skin. It was so friggin gross. Then once all the blisters were popped the skin started to peel off in thick chunks that looked like leather. Let's just say I still partially have scars on my shoulders from it and what looks like freckles is really skin that did not peel off and where new skin finally grew over it. It actually now does not look bad at all, looks like I just have some freckles. Then again this was in 99 I no wonder it looks fine. haha Ok story time is I'll probably be back tonight sometime to write.
Back home   
09:49pm 24/06/2003
mood: exhausted
music: Karaja - She Moves
Well I got to spend a wonderful few days with my hunny. We had a great time and for once got to spend sometime together since it was his weekend off. The party at his grandparents was really fun. Beer, awesome food, and a whole lot of laughs. Then we left Newport and headed back out to Weedsport. He had to work yesterday so I stayed in his apartment for almost the whole day. It wasn't so bad cuz I got to enjoy the central air. hehe Then today he left for work and I was just sitting around and my mom called my cell to chit-chat. After about half hour, Doug beeped in on the other line to tell me he would not be home until around 9 or 10 tonight. It was only 11:30 and so at that point I decided to head back home today instead of tomorrow morning. And since my Jeep does not have AC...then again it's a Jeep and that isn't uncommon....I decided to take the top off. It kept me pretty cool, then again I was flying down the Thruway and then 81 doing 75-80 most the that tends to throw a lot of air around. haha. Anyway...long story short, I'm burnt! It oughta be a nice tan later, when the redness look goes away. =0) Luckily the air conditioner got put in at my mom's on Sunday so it's nice and cool in here! This is a very good thing considering tomorrow is supposed to be even hotter out. Damn I wish we had a pool. =0( Oh well! Anyway...I think I'm going to go chill before deciding whether I want to head to bed or
So excited...   
08:59am 20/06/2003
mood: excited
music: DMB-Big Eyed Fish
Well I just woke up and I have so much to do and hopefully enough time to get it all done. haha. I gotta meet Doug in Weedsport around 5. Which means that I have to leave here by 1 so that I can stop in Canton at my apartment and water the plants then continue on for another 2 and a half hours of driving. Maybe if I'm lucky he'll take me out to dinner or that his parents will make something once we get to Newport. haha Then tomorrow he has an interview at another place for a different residency since his is horrible. So yeah. Then there's the big family party that is tomorrow sometime. Anyway, I better get my ass moving...gotta shower, do some laundry, pack and get the hell outta here! I'll be back around Wednesday or so. =)
11:03pm 19/06/2003
mood: hyper
music: Intenso Project - Luv Da Sunshine
Ok so I just got off the phone with the love of my life, Doug. I get to see him tomorrow and spend a few days with him. It's gonna be great cuz I miss him so much. hehe So yeah today started out crappy and slow and I spent most of the rainy day sleeping with my lil kitten. Then around 5:30 Bonnie showed up so her and I could wallpaper mom's entranceway. Finally at 7:45 we finished and got to eat dinner. It was definitely yummy and long awaited since I had only had breakfast today. It's not like I desperately need food.....I could live off this body for quite a while without I just choose not to sometimes. haha It's stupid to purposey starve yourself anyway. Well I think I'm gonna go paint my toes , watch a lil tv, and get to bed soon. Tomorrow will be a long day...mostly of driving however. Good thing I like to drive.
How Shitty!   
10:20am 19/06/2003
mood: frustrated
music: Saliva - Rest In Pieces
Ok so I got an e-mail from Customs telling me they needed more information from my Orthopedic Surgeon as well as a Neurologist. How the hell do you get that the day before you are supposed to leave to go to Buffalo for your Structured Interview. So then I had to call the Interview Coordinator to tell her I would not be there tomorrow and she didn't understand how the Customs Health Specialist could be doing this. All these things they wanted me to do with doctors was going to be money coming out of my which I definitely do not have. God damn the goverment is fucked up. Then they wonder why the country is the way that it is. Weel have some fucking common sense and figure it out. That is the problem though, they don't have any common sense. Even though I was doing all this Customs stuff to please my mom since she was the one pushing me to do it, I'm still hurt that they treat people like assholes. So they can take their offers and shove em up their ass! Maybe I'll give it another shot another time if I really feel like it, but at this point that doesn't look very likely. And all of this bullshit because of my accident and the pain and migraines I still get! Like I can control them? But that goes back to the common sense thing again...they'd never use that as a way of assessing the situation. Guess I'll have a lawsuit against the company that hit me as a way of thanking them for making have to forfeit this job offer. Maybe I'll win, maybe I won't....who's to know!! So anyway, guess I'll go see what can be done around here today or whatever.........
Can you say ewwwww?   
09:35pm 18/06/2003
mood: drained
music: Eryka Badu & Stephen Marley - In love with you
Ok so I never got around to cleaning my dad's truck. However I spent 6 and a half hours with my mom staining the god damn deck. It looks stupendous! My back and legs are telling me where I can go now too. lol So around 8pm when we finally got done I had the great idea of trying to clean the inside of Jeep out. The damn thing smelled so nasty from all the water that was sitting on the floor that had finally evaporated. So I vacuumed it out, Armoral'd the dash and door panels, and the Febreeze'd the shit out of it! So we should be good to go now. Tomorrow I'll hang my new air freshener in it before leaving for Buffalo...and mind you we still do not have a room reserved for tomorrow night. lol Maybe I'll sleep in my nice clean Jeep tomorrow night. haha But on second thought, my Jeep is being left in Weedsport tomorrow night and we're taking my mom's car to Buffalo from there. I'm also so happy that I'll get to see my baby on Friday and spend the weekend with him. Damn I love him! Well anyway...needless to say today was a very busy and productive day. As for now I'm going to shower all the day's grime and dirt and stain off of me.
It's about time...   
11:39am 18/06/2003
mood: confused
music: Angie Martinez-If I Could Go
Well for once I actually got to sleep in this morning. You'd figure, summer vacation is here and finally I'll have some time to relax. However, this is very untrue. I was up at like 9:45 anyway but that is still considered sleeping in for the time being. The weather has finally decided that maybe it should act like summer weather instead of raining all the time. Soon I'll go out and enjoy the weather once I get done here and shower. Now here's a question...why is it that parents will be on your back about doing something and then when it comes closer to that time....they don't do their part? For instance, Friday morning I have to be in Buffalo for an interview with US Customs. Today is Wednesday and my mother who said she would, has yet to book a god damn hotel for Thursday night! Bad enough I don't care whether I continue on through the process to get hired by Customs but when someone is bitching at you to do things and then they don't do their part is just ridiculous! So we'll see when she decides to get her head out of her ass and do something. Ok that's it for now. I'm gonna go shower and then go outside and clean the inside of my Jeep out (because it stinks from all the water that was sitting on the floor haha) and then clean my dad's truck up incase someone comes to look at it!