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Leeney

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gah!!! [24 Aug 2004|01:13am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | K's choice - i smoke a lot ]

i can't take this anymore the pain just won't go away i'm so alone and i can't take this everyday seems the same i wake up fake it and go to bed i try to keep myself preoccupied but it just doesn't work i just wish there was something i could do to get rid of this i want to live i want to be me i want to figure out who i am i think to much wich is the best thing i guess but it drives me insane knowing that each day will be like the last each day i am a new person because I can't stay the same figureing things out is really hard but it's the only thing I can do I hope someday I will become great I will have accomplished something I'll do the right thing but for now I'm just trying to get by struggling like everyone else I realize i'm not the only one It just feels like it but it's cool because I know someday I'll get there, someday I'll figure things out and if I don't oh well, I'll work harder I'll try my best and I'll know I did my best and that's all I can do I love life I just need to make the best of it, I have my downs and my ups as the rest of the world does some may have more downs than ups or more ups than downs but that's just the way it works I am me that's all I can be so fuck you if you don't like me, fuck you if you think i should change, fuck you if you think i pitty myself because i sure as hell don't, fuck you if you think i lie and FUCK YOU for telling me otherwise I really don't hate anyone i may say i do but i really don't i may dislike people strongly but usually it's not them, just what they do sorry if this is fucking random but it needs to be said, i've been freaking out this whole summer because i've been so lost, so confused and i can't seem to figure life out which i know i want but i can at least orginize it a little. i'm sick of typing yet i'm not, i think i'll end it.... here

Faerie Whispers

[17 Aug 2004|12:30am]
[ mood | worthless ]
[ music | K's choice - i'm not an addict ]

I'm sick of everything. I'm tired from everything. I'm sick of teenagers, adults, drama, New Hampshire, life, school. Like I am literally physically and mentally tired of all this shit. I seriously feel like I'm trapped in a bubble or something. I just can't fucking take this bullshit anymore. I feel like I'm 26 trapped in a 16 year old's body yet i act like a 16 year old. I dunno.

I am a...
hypicrate
Liar
human
woman
girl
person who doesn't care because if that's all you do it gets you nowhere

Faerie Whispers

Music is everything [21 Jul 2004|12:33am]
I really could not show how much of an impact music really does have on my life. Music is me.
Faerie Whispers

I hate everything [21 Jul 2004|12:30am]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending ]

Well great news... this has been by far the worst summer ever. I mean, don't get me wrong, there has been some pretty cool moments like Ozzfest and chillin w/ KC untill 2 in the morning driving around looking for the creepiest roads we can find. Or walking for half an hour to sit on a covered bridge. Well your probably wondering why it sucks... here goes.

Reason 1 - Everyone I know has changed in some shape or form.
Reason 2 - Unless I'm hanging out with KC I'm usually doing absolutely nothing except the few times I'll hang out with Linz. I've hung out with Shan maybe 2, 3 times this summer? But that's completely understandable. Same with Tyler.
Reason 3 - I have absolutely nothing to live for. I've tried to think of things but nothing is working it's just like one big loop hole.

Then again, there are some good things.

1) Chillin w/ KC
2) Ozzfest
3) I start work soon which will help with "Reason 2"
4) Projekt Revolution (8/31)
5) I'm cutting back on smoking big time.

Hopefully once I start work a lot of things will change. I'll meet a lot of new people and I won't be sitting on my ass all day.


I don't mean to be a downer but that's all I really feel I can be lately. "be all you can be " they say... I say "fUUUUUUUUck YOU!". Well hopefully things will get better I think they will, they always do. It's like a fucking roller coaster. I'm going to bed.

Faerie Whispers

It's a sad, sad world we live in... [16 Jul 2004|01:44am]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Otep - My Confession ]

It's a pathetic world when people are scared of not being accepted and it's pathetic that people actually have to live like that. It happens to everyone, including myself.

Now a days people just fucking suck.

Faerie Whispers

GAH! [09 Jul 2004|06:26pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Anything Tool ]

Well it's definitely been a while since I have posted. Well absolutely nothing has happend in my life since the last time I have posted the only people I have been hanging out with is Shan and Linz untill yesterday when I hung out with KC, Mike, and Bobby untill 2 a.m. which freakin rocked. We drove everywhere looking for shit to do. We went to a graveyard, we fed goats, we got yelled at by a drunk fucker that tried starting shit with us at wendy's. Ooohh and I got to drive KC's, Mom's Trail Blazer which is like the coolest car I think I have ever driven. I've been sorta depressed lately because I haven't really gotten out. I keep hanging with the same people (no offense guys) and guys... well... they're just guys. Shit has just kinda sucked lately. Shan doesn't seem to want to hang out anymore because she just keeps hanging out with Raelle, not that I have a problem with Raelle but it just feels like she's taking one of my best friends away. Everybody just seems to be drifting away. I feel like I'm annoying, extremely boring to hang with or just fucking stupid or something. I don't mean to whine or bitch about it because everytime I say something like that I think people will just think I'm a stupid attention wanting whiner. I don't know, maybe I just assume way too much. Well I'm out, later.

Faerie Whispers

[03 Jul 2004|12:55am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | eat shit? ]

Shit sucks and i'm way too lazy to type, later...

Faerie Whispers

yay? [21 Jun 2004|12:07pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | The Rasmus - In the shadows ]

Well school is finally done with. I just got back from my cousin's wedding in VA. I was in the car for 16 freakin hours yesterday, it sucked. This morning I ran 2 laps and did 150 sit ups with Linz. I thought exercising gave you energy and made you happy but right now I'm more aggravated then anything. Maybe a nice day laying in the sun and swimming will do the trick. Well I'm going to go shower because I haven't showered in a good 48 hours.

1 Whisper|Faerie Whispers

[15 Jun 2004|07:15pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Muse - dunno the name of the song ]

Well not too much has happened lately. Graduation was saturday. That sorta kicked my ass. I realized that I only have 1 year left (well I didn't just realize it then) and it's almost pointless to start anything new here because I'm just going to end up leaving and meeting new people and doing new things. I really can't wait. Sunday I went to the ribfest. I'm a lobster as some would say. I got really burned, sunburned that is. Tommorow I have my last final which is walking for wellness, so... I get to walk. How fun! Ugh, well I'm going to go do something, I don't know what that would be yet but I'll figure something out. Later.

Faerie Whispers

[15 Jun 2004|07:15pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Muse - dunno the name of the song ]

Well not too much has happened lately. Graduation was saturday. That sorta kicked my ass. I realized that I only have 1 year left (well I didn't just realize it then) and it's almost pointless to start anything new here because I'm just going to end up leaving and meeting new people and doing new things. I really can't wait. Sunday I went to the ribfest. I'm a lobster as some would say. I got really burned, sunburned that is. Tommorow I have my last final which is walking for wellness, so... I get to walk. How fun! Ugh, well I'm going to go do something, I don't know what that would be yet but I'll figure something out. Later.

Faerie Whispers

[15 Jun 2004|07:13pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Maria Mena - Your the only one ]

Well I saw you with your hands above your head
Spinning around, trying not to look down
But you did, and you fell, hard on the ground
Then you stumbled around for a good ten minutes
And I said I'd never seen anyone look so dumb before
And you laughed and said I still know how to turn you on though

You're the only one who
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
You're the only one who
Knows exactly what I mean

And I probably forgot to tell you this
Like that time I forgot to tell you about the scar
Remember how uncomfortable that made you feel?
See you're not what I expected
But you're the only one who knows how to handle me
And you're such a great kisser and I know that you agree

You're the only one who
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
You're the only one who
Knows exactly what I mean

I hope you can forgive me for that time
When I put my hand between your legs
And said it was small
Cuz its really not at all
I guess there's just a part of me that likes to bring you down
Just to keep you around
Cuz the day you realize how amazing you are
You're gonna leave me

You're the only one who
Holds my hair back when I'm drunk and get sick
You're the only one who
Knows exactly what I mean

You're the only one who
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
You're the only one who
Knows exactly what I mean

Exactly what I mean

Well I saw you with your hands above your head
Spinning around, trying not to look down
But you did, and you fell, hard on the ground

Faerie Whispers

[08 Jun 2004|10:04pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | Hoobastank - crawling in the dark ]

Well I have had a pretty cool past few days I think. Today I went to school left 4th and 5th and went to walmart w/ Tyler and Shan. Then after school Meg and I went to Tyler's to take pics of him before the semi. He looked so gorgeous, you have no idea! Then he let me borrow DDR and I played that for 3 hours straight. I hurt. Then around 7 I went to Shan's and chilled there for a bit. oh gotta do something.....

Tyler: You do soooo much for me. Way more than you should. I could never show you how much I appreciate everything you do. Thank you so much.

"Stuff happens, life goes on, memories pass us all by. Don't live in the past or the future, just live now."
-me

Faerie Whispers

[03 Jun 2004|10:39pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | Green Day - Good Riddance ]

nothing can explain what i feel for you. when i look into your eyes it's like a drug, i can't stop. you are a huge part in my life right now and i hope you stay that way for a very long time.

Shit is hitting me and it's hitting me hard.

Faerie Whispers

[03 Jun 2004|02:24pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Green Day - Good Riddance(time of your life) ]

Well today is the final day for seniors. It's kinda hittin' me that I only have one year left. It's crazy how time flies. I still remember kindergarden, even preschool! That was back in the day at Wake Forest elementary. That school was like a campus. All the smaller kids were in the new building with the cafe. The bigger kids were in the 2 story building with the auditorium. The gym was seperate with some of the art classes. I remember lining up at the door to go somewhere. Middle school sucked hardcore. 2 years at Durant Rd. Middle which was a year round school. 9 weeks in 3 weeks out, new classrooms everytime. Then 8th grade hits and I'm in a whole new state. I really don't know which was better. North Carolina; there were stabbings, bomb threats, bombs, shootings. That was just middle school. Here there is basically the same issues.

Random memory: Hurricane fran... I lived towards the middle of the state closer to the boarder of tennessee. I smelt dead pigs from the coast, seriously. I saw pictures on the news of dead pigs and cows on roofs from the flooding. No showers for 2 weeks. I was in the eye of it. I almost died like in Donnie Darko except he did die. Worst storm to hit NC. It was kinda nifty.

Back to my thoughts, I kinda do miss NC in a way, just not the people. It's kinda sad when you don't even care if you never see the people you've known from birth again. Well 8th grade sucked, I had few friends didn't really know anybody. Then high school came around. 9th grade i dated Tim, Bobby passed away, I met Shan, I started doing that whole "goth" thing. 10th grade, i dated Trav, decided people suck, started skipping like crazy, those were the good days hittin up wendy's with sam. This year, decided the whole goth thing just kinda sucked, realized how much i hate immature people, met the man of my dreams, realized that I've grown up a lot more then i think i have, I also realized that i got a lot more growin up to do. Well... it's been a good 11 years, 11 down, 1 to go. Damn, what happened? Now I will leave you with a song a very common end of the year song.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Faerie Whispers

[02 Jun 2004|02:13am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | Shinedown - Simple Man ]

Some songs/poems I have written over the years... Note: most aren't finished and most need reorganizing.

Crowded here in a space filled with nothing
lost on a road that only goes one way
drowning in an empty pool
Feeling everything i can not feel
being all i will never be
<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The memory of you haunts me
the thought of you burns my soul
my heart ache grows more intense
with every thought of you
my memory is all i have left
yet is the one thing i wish that would leave
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
how did you make it through the day
how did you make it anyway
i walked right through you
tried to remove
all of who you are
everything you were
<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
My newest one i wrote tonight...

When i'm with you everything has meaning
when i think of you my thoughts make sense
when i dream of you my dreams come true
as i speak to you i don't feel stupid
when you hold me i know everything is alright
as i look into your eyes i am drawn in by suprise
by the fairytale story
that there is a prince charming


most of the stuff i write isn't really on a personal level just kinda stuff that happens to everyone. That last one is kinda personal though, very true too. i can't really tell if they are good or bad either, i don't really care too much, i just write. I have this notebook where i write all that stuff and there is a bunch of pages that have like 2 or 3 lines all over 'em and i like to piece things together. then i have a book of tunes i write but i can't seem to find that at the moment.


Well tonight was awesome. I went to the Skyshow with Tyler, Dave and Damien. 2 kids fell on top of me and knocked me to the ground. I got elbowed right in between the tits, really hard might i add. Some drunk girl i don't know slapped me right in the chest. I got kicked in the head a few times. It fucking rocked. Shinedown played one of my all time flave songs... Simple Man. After, the 4 of us got wendy's, then headed back to merrimack to record the senior song. I seriously had the time of my life listening to them jam. That song is deffinatly gonna have you seniors ballin'. Well I'm going to go do something, possibly sleep, who knows. G'night.

1 Whisper|Faerie Whispers

[28 May 2004|02:24pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | nothing right now ]

School is almost over and then i have to go to a meeting for my 504 plan with my parents, Mr. Walker and Mr. Simoes. This is gonna suck. They had to pick the worst teacher. Hopefully i won't get slammed too hard. Simoes is nice, he just doesn't know what he's doing. This is only his second year of being an English teacher before he was a gym teacher. He'll be like "she isn't doing her work" or "she is not working to her potential". Then my parents are gonna be like well why haven't you done your work, or how can we change this. Then i'll get home and they'll be like, do your homework and i'll be like "shut the hell up you assmunchers" haha. Ugh my back hurts. I just can't wait to get home and go out tonight. I haven't really done all that much this week. Tonight my plan, as of now, is to go to the bowling alley with Linz then go ghosthunting with KC and Jen. This'll be intresting. I dunno if i wanna go ghosthunting anymore though, it's kinda yucky out. Oh bother, hehe whinnie the poo says that. Well i'm gonna go, wish me luck for my meeting. Later.

Faerie Whispers

[27 May 2004|07:20pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Radio ]

Well today I stayed home sick. I'm not that sick but my throat is killin me. I have decided that I won't quit posting, i'll just take blurty out of my profile so if you wanna look at this you better save it. Well i'm too lazy to type, so bye.

Faerie Whispers

[26 May 2004|10:44am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | ah... er... um... dunno ]

Well i'm in Geometry yet again. I'm gonna see if my mom will pick me up next period cuz i'm gonna flip a bitch on someone. Tyler's sick and i feel so bad cuz i wanna help him but i can't at the moment. I think i woke him up too but i don't know cuz i couldn't really hear cuz the connection wasn't too good on the phone. Only 10 minutes left of class, hmmm... my mom better be home cuz if she isn't i'm gonna flip another bitch lol. i'm all jittery i can't sit still. My hands are frickin ice cold and shakey. This can only mean one thing! i just don't know what that thing would be! heh, i amuse myself too easily. I think i'm gonna stop this blurty soon but i've already said that a few times, who knows... Hmm, i'm thinking something i think i might have had to do. I just don't remember, maybe i didn't have to do anything but i normally do have things to do so i just have that feeling that i have to do something even though this time i really don't have to do anything. Confused? Hopefully not. Soooo cold. Well i'm out, tootles!

Faerie Whispers

[25 May 2004|08:48pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man ]

Well today was pretty uneventful. I got lost for about 2 1/2 hours in mass. But other than that it was a peachy day. I'll post later

Faerie Whispers

fuck it [24 May 2004|08:56pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | ? ]

Well these past few days were basically meh. Friday I hung out with Dan, Shan and Tyler. Saturday I went to CT. for my cuz's grad. party then sunday I went to her "commencement exercises".

Please excuse me while I rant...
I'm so fucking sick of high school. I'm sick of all these stupid bitch ass kids that think they fucking know everything. I'm sick of all this fucking drama. Ya know what?! Once I'm out I really don't give a shit if I see any of these people again. There may be a few that i want to stick around but that may be about 2, 3 people? And trust me I mean it. Your probably thinking, "oh, she'll miss h.s." or "oh she'll wish she kept those friends" FUCK IT!!! Nobody's going to keep in touch anyway, what's the point? I may not have the right to be saying this, cuz i don't know what it's like "out there" or what i'm going to have to do. But ya know what? I can't wait. It'll probably be scary shit, i probably won't know what the hell i'm doing but at least i'll be trying, at least i'll be a little older and a little wiser. I know the drama's not going to end but at least it'll be different drama instead of this stupid ass shit. Today i was even thinking about just dropping out and getting my G.E.D. and going straight to college just so i didn't have to deal with this shit. Then i realized it's pointless and it'd make me a complete hypicrate cuz i hate it when people drop out. Well i'm done ranting now. bye...


It's 9:11

1 Whisper|Faerie Whispers

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