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Victor M. Silva

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(1 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

does it matter in the end? [08 Feb 2004|06:13am]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | Metallica-Nothing Really Matters ]

Here i sit lost in what is fragments of life......i picked up my sword today to practice with it and as i saw the people move by me and stare at me....i felt like i didnt belong. The wind of today somehow managed to take me somewhere else....a whisper in my ear.....a feeling...deep inside of me an emptiness....black voids that cant be filled....i sometimes catch myself doing things to escape the lies of life. After a long practice and being so tired my body worn out....i decided to take a knee and let my sword stab the ground....i stayed there for what seem like hours...thousands of thoughts running threw my head asking "is this all there is?.....what more can come of life?.....what if i died tomorrow, would it matter?....".

I'm not sure whats going on in my head.....seems like no matter how much i push myself and how hard i try to get somewhere, i get pushed back by some unkown force....perhaps if i shed some blood it would be different the feel of of the blood running down my arm.....a feel too familiar....but real...then again....today nothing feels real....not even the breath that comes out of me. I could ask what's wrong with me...but i wouldn't get an answer. All i'm left with is the memories of today...or yesterday.... I'm not sure what else to say but i've said what i can and could from my mind.....now i think its time to lay in sleep and wonder off into nothingness....

(3 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

and yet seep takes over yet again... [21 Jan 2004|09:43pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Inuyasha-Fukai Mori ]

::yawns:: I just got up and im mad tired...i had a nice dream about a special someone ::Wink wink:: heh. I miss you....well i hope your day was going well....i went to bed as soon as we hung up...and that was around what 3pm?....i cant remember but all i know is i passed out again and i just finished waking up about 30 minutes ago. ::laughs:: told you i would get sleep....well yea.....i cant think much right now brain is all shut down so im going to go for now and find my place of mind...::Smiles:: sweet dreams for me later...im going to sleep later...talk to you sometime then....

(1 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

man its been a long time...... [21 Jan 2004|12:18am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | .Hack//Signs-Fake Wings ]

heh, i dont know what to say really...

Here i am....wishing i had i a copy of one of my poems so i could put it on here...wait i think i do...ill have to check in a minute. I'm in a good mood....heh hey cute stuff....if your reading....i miss you...been thinking of you lots....and i know some of the shit in here is crazy cause of some stupid people....but its funny now that i read it. I found the poem i wanted to write on here.....heheh its lovey/sexual/sensual i dont know really its just a poem to me...but then again....it was just a morning thing ::laughs::. well here it is....

"A Soft Moments Love"

A Soft Moments look...
a quick breath, your soft lips.
The warm smile after a kiss,
embracing each other in a passionate love,
our bare skin begining to expose.

Hands caressing your soft tender skin,
feeling them travel up and down
touching certain places, a soft gasp.


Body temperatures raising...
engulfed in the flames of our love....
a moment feeling like a life time,
a soft kiss on your shoulder,
another on your neck.

Losing ourselves in a heat of passion...
a sin feeling completely right.
Bodies touching, pressing against one another
low moans in pleasure

The whispers of "I Love You" under our breath.
Holding each other, laying together...
drifting to sleep
in the extacy we shared.


and now i feel a bit better knowing that is on there....well i think i shall go...to the one whome matters to me most....i read this poem and i think of you lots...im going to get off now...i've said my piece....

victor

(darkness to my kingdom's heart)

blah fuck off....bloody wanker [23 Aug 2003|02:16pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | John Davis/ Forsaken ]

why the fuck did people have to wake me up!!!!!!!!!????...im still sleepy and im bored and i have nothing to do its about to rain....fuck i think im about to just go to bed.....again....::yawns:: fuck what to do now maybe ill shave and shower.....and play some vedio games and relax and hope i fall asleep while im playing hmmm...well thats all im going to say now...fuck i need more sleep...well ill see all of you shot....so hasta los huevos...

(6 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

woo hoo the day is over!!! [21 Aug 2003|02:37am]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | FLCL/Hybrid Rainbow ]

yay its over its finally over!!!......lol oh well im in a better mood now...and FLCL music is just the thing to bring up my spirits.....well i have not much to say but im bore, cold, and fuck still got nothing to do but yea im just going to relax now and be bored off my ass finish setting up somethings and talk to Alanna and thats it then go to bed.....well now im old...lol how old you will never know......burritos and creame thats a good combo...hmm....well im going to go now and relax and do nothing...hasta los huevos...::big smiles::

(darkness to my kingdom's heart)

::yawns:: fucking bored ::beats head on keyboard:: [20 Aug 2003|03:11am]
[ mood | indifferent ]
[ music | The Pillows/ Little Busters ]

oh shit i havent written in here in forever.....who fucking cares....well im indifferent about today...not sure weather to be happy or just down.....i have nothing to do as usual....cant say much about whats on my mind....dont know if i ever will.....doubt it though....oh nevermind that.....well here i am sitting listening to the pillows funky japanese band.....kinda puts a smile on my face...but an awkward smile....like happy but not really happy...oh wells who ever has felt that way will know what im talking about the other well you just wait till a lot of bad shit has happened to you in your life...hmmm, well like i was saying i dont know what to do and if i had a car i might just drive it off a peer....sounds like fun...maybe hit a couple of people on the way....why cant i have some weird robot living in my head.....that comes out and saves things.....oh well....thats never going to happen unless i volunteer myself for some experiment...that sounds like fun.....now what else to say....well it seems like my friend alex and i are going to give miranda someone to fuck...i hope kates ready....she doesnt know what she is getting herself into......yoly wants to hang out today.....im broke but i know i wouldnt be paying for anything....i mean she is doing it cause its my birthday....other then that i dont ever think i would hang out with her on a weekday....kinda sucks how it lands on the weekday...i think its a curse....fuck it to hell....at least ill be 21 and i get to drink....dont think thats going to be much of a use since i can careless for drinking now....i can handle it but....i dont know....it just doesnt seem to excite me as much as it did when i was 15 or 14....back then drinking and smoking were so much fun...even birthdays...well sometimes....tends to rain on my birthday....heh all i have on me is 2 dollars.....i wonder what i can buy...maybe a pack of dorritos and a soda can....yuck i hate soda!!....well maybe some fruit punch....that would be good.....heh......well those thoughts are back in my head...just when you think you got rid of them they come back....and its not easy....im sure a lot of people go threw it....alex does...and he is the one telling me to just say whats on my mind but i just cant.....i know it wont change anything if i do or cause anything to go crazy or change.....but somehow i just cant say them......i have tried but it just doesnt come out....even when i was drunk i tried to get my thoughts out in the open but it doesnt seem to work.....you could call me spineless....but sometimes it seems that it just not intresting enough to say....oh wells im going to shut up now...my friend left to dominican republic i wont speak to her for 10 days hope she has fun......and i dont see me going to sleep anytime soon.....maybe if i burn a cd full of music from The Pillows i will...that and play a game at the same time....heh ::sighs:: im just going to stop writing now and find something to do....like play game on my computer and explore the net like ill find anything but its worth a shot....adios....hasta luego....::waves bye::.....

now that you have read this...what are you going to do?

(2 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

ahhh [07 Jun 2003|01:04am]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | dont know forgot who it is ]

ok im here tired as fuck nothing to do woke up a bit ago...thinking of shit that really doesnt matter hope tomorrow was here already cant wait for hack//sign to come on its a mad sweet anime....hmm well yea...whoa i just almost hit my hea don the keyboard...lol i hit on the desk though...im passing out so dirty....i should get going before i do knock out on the keyboard...that would e funny as hell though...hmm shoopuff!!!...dont ask its a word that came to my head and i sounded retarded so i liked it..im weird what can i say..but umm yea im out and im going to go watch some more tv and sleep on the couch...and wake tomorrow morning stretching and relaxing going "damn its morning already" lol..well most likely afternoon ahahah..ok then laters all bye bye...

Victor

(1 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

whats this life come to [27 May 2003|07:32am]
[ mood | devious ]
[ music | king of hearts ]

well well it you agian the journal from hell...well then lets see...im bored and i got nohitng to do right now...except watch cartoons...and nothing else..what is it with today that everything seems dead..and not living...hmm what do i care about what does anyone care about?...hell maybe no one really cares but just acts like it and all those smiles are just figments of our imagenation...everything we see is just something created...well who cares im bored and im out ill leave all of you in pease...take care all and bye bye....kasima!!

Victor

(3 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

bah bah bah fucking blah!!! [15 May 2003|03:27am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | Mest ]

hey

there man am i bored and tired and this day is crapy well not too crappy...the sun isnt out and its raining pretty...with thunder and all the pretty lighting...yea need to call janet today....well later tonight...we needs to plan evil stuff to do....and if not we shall just watch a movie lol...i dont know why im soo sleepy....guess it was all the waking in the middle of the night....hey i love that song hahahah well, lets see...what to do today?....maybe ill just lay around talk to people on line and play some vedio games...yay!! what fun fun fun...all good times...and play my guitar..wait i cant need new strings damn you abe!!!...its all his fault i need new strings...dumb shit popping them....ok well ill buy some new ones tomorrow morning...ok i must be boring all of you and junk...but im just hoping for something intresting to happen soon...please anything...some kind of naturual disaster....like a flash floood or something...or like let it rainf for 40 days and 40 nights....whoa that would be intresting lol...damn...ok im going to go shoot a cow now....hope i have enough BB's....ok then prepare to die cow!!!!.....adios todo mundo...

Victor

(darkness to my kingdom's heart)

doesnt matter [08 May 2003|01:07am]
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | cowboy bepop ]

well then its me again and shit its mad hot here...fucking feel like diving into a pool of ice...might sting but would be good....and im not jumping into the pool....its all green and shit...man does it look nasty...the other day kids were in it but thats their problem if they get some weird infection....well all im done for now just felt like getting that out of my mind...im out laters.....i wonder if anyone reads this lol...

Victor

(3 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

well here i am again damn it [04 May 2003|02:42am]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | Gundam Wing ]

well now, lets see im here watching Gundam Wing love that anime..and i have been messing around with this journal thing and im tlaking to kat...and my friend casey..ahh that felt good just cracked my neck really dont have much to say right now just wondering if people keep these things for drama and treagedy or just for fun..well then hmm i dont know what else to say its not like im ever having fun or what not...guess only time i feel alive is when im playing a game and i get into it or im with some one i live and care about alot and well thats it...heheh wish i had a Gundam i would start to destroy what i dont like hmm i wouldnt mind Wing zero or Epyon those 2 are funky well then lets see....i feel like walking around in a dessert and maybe hoping to die out there it would seem like a good fun challenge......even if i do hate heat..well then i think im going to not like i have much drama right now just whatever guess sharing my thoughts and thats all..just still messing with thing thingy and hey what else can i say not much from what i can see dont know how long this is getting by me blabbling on so im going to shut up now and going to continue watching my cartooons...im out catch yas laters im dizzy lol....

Victor

(darkness to my kingdom's heart)

dont know im just up [03 May 2003|11:26am]
[ mood | cynical ]
[ music | bah the sounds of the rain ]

well well here i am talking to the wall again or myself how ever you want to see it...well then im fucking tired and i feel like breaking something or well lets see....to grab some one and tie them down grab a knife and begin to like slowly cut them or use needles and puncture someone lol...sorry im mean today a bit off but yea its all good in the end...pain is pleasure to me...damn its mad hot here and it makes me want to set something on fire...but nothing to set...maybe a car..ok well who cares..i know you dont care..you dont have feelings your just a thing here so i can type in my thoughts or something like that...oh wells and for those who read this...i wonder what you all are thinking...and i wonder if you might be laughing about this Ashley lol...oh wells dont matter its all in good fun...well then what else to say havent done much just been hanging around and about thinking of a song...and playing it on my guitar..""up, up, up and down turn, turn, turn around round, round, rund about and over again...son, son , son of gun you are the only one doesnt make any difference what i say......" yea ill shut up now...well then im going to let it be and just go...time for me to relax and continue what i was doing here...looing for anime stuff....im out talk to you laters..man it feels weird saying that to something like this oh wells.......im out bye im outs ::throws burger meat at monitor"....

(3 empty souls left... | darkness to my kingdom's heart)

bah [02 May 2003|06:55am]
umm just writing this to get started still learning more on this...friend asked me to do this so here i am writing and to be honest it feels like im tlaking to myself...oh wells thats normal...im lready insane..well thats all im saying going to mess with this some more ok then bye bye laters..

Victor

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