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Emma

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Shake it [06 Nov 2003|08:10pm]
[ mood | dirty ]
[ music | Shake ya tailfeather - Nelly ]

I feel disgusting today.
It's almost 8:30pm and I've already showered three times today and I still feel dirty, maybe I should get in the shower and never come out. Now, that would be fun.

It's my birthday on Sunday, yay, I'll be 17. Alyce is comming over tomorrow afternoon and sleeping the night. Then we're going to a party on Saturday with Chris & Matt and I'm going out to dinner with my Grandparents on Saturday night.
Sunday, Chris is comming over of course. We will have..fun <33

I miss Chris so much. He should be home from work by now, I'll call him tonight at 9:30. This new Optus chat time sucks. It used to be you could call any Optus Pre - Paid phone after 9pm and get the first 20 minutes free. Me and my other Optus friends (like Chris, Alyce) used to hang up and call back just before the 20 minutes was up. We would end up talking for hours this way, everynight.
They they changed it to the first 10 minutes. It took us awhile to get used to it, but we did. Now they've got rid of the free time all together and have this "chat time" where you get only 2 hours of free time per $30 of credit you buy.
Now Chris has to call my homephone from the payphone because he doesn't have a home phone. Cheep, Greedy Optus Bastards :(
Ok, I'm done complaining..

I am so obsessed with that song my Nelly/P Diddy/ Murphy Lee, you know, Shake ya tailfeather? I like it..It's cool. I also really like this band called A Perfect Circle. Chris left their album here last weekend and I've been listening to it, it's great. I love the song Sleeping Beauty.

Anyways, I gotta go take a shower and call Chris..

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Oh now go, Just turn around now your not welcome anymore.. [22 Sep 2003|07:40pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | I will Survive - Gloria Gaynor ]

*sighs sadly*

Today is the day Chris and I have been together for three months. Or are we still together? I really don't know. I'll tell you all what happened.

Since mostly just my friends read this, I'm sure you all know that those Richmond thugs want him and Brad bashed because of Fiona and her friends.
Well, Thursday night Chris calls me (he calls me everynight at 9:30 except fridays) anyways, we talk for awhile. After about 10 minutes of talking his phone cut out, and he didn't end of calling me back until half an hour later. The reason is because he got chased and he was scared to death. But he got hom safely, and then we said goodbye so he could get something to eat and go to bed.
He also promised to call me on Saturday night, like he always does to let me know he was still comming over on Sunday (we see each other every Sunday).

Friday night comes, and he doesn't call me which is fine because have an agreement that we have a break friday night. However, Alyce calls me and tells me that FIONA smsed her out of the blue telling her she's sorry for everything. Alyce gave Fiona Chris's number so she could apologise to him too.

Now, Comes Saturday night I'm waiting patiently for Chris to call me like he is supposed to. But nothing happens. I go to ring him to find out that his is phone off. Now his phone is NEVER off, and he knows he has to call me on Saturdays to let me know that he is still comming over.
So I try calling him all night, and his phone is still off. Same with all Sunday he phone was off and I was panicking.
I wanted to wait and see if he would call me, but my Dad and Alyce kept insisiting that I call his home phone and talk to his Mum.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I told Dad to talk to his Mum as I was too scared to talk to her incase there was bad news, I was so convinced he had gotton bashed or something.
So he calls his Mum, And I got in the shower. I don't know why, I just felt better in there. Then when I got out Dad told me Chris went away Saturday night, and left his phone at home. He told his Mum to call me and let me know he couldn't see me on Sunday. But she couldn't find my number anywhere.
So, that was that. I felt alot better after that.

But then I woke up today, the day of our three months. I realised that I haven't spoken to Chris since Thursday. It's the longest that I've gone without talking to him.

Another thing I relised is that Chris put his mates over me. Maybe I'm selfish for thinking like this, but hey..It just kinda hurt because I think that given the choice he'd rather hang out with his mates then me.

One more thing. What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore? You know..*Sighs again*

Hopefully he'll call me tonight and we can sort this out. I have decided though, I've had enough of playing a faithful little puppy. He has started to take me for granted on alot of other things and I won't put up with it. I love him, yes. But I love myself too and I don't want to be treated badly.

If he doesn't call me, too bad. I'm not going to grovel. But I miss him so much, my heart hurts.....

A different subject - Alyce wants to get back with Brendan. We've come up with a little sceme to get them back together, HAHA. Childish, I know, But it's fun.

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I will survive [22 Sep 2003|06:10pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | I will Survive - Gloria Gaynor ]

*sighs sadly*

Today is the day Chris and I have been together for three months. Or are we still together? I really don't know. I'll tell you all what happened.

Since mostly just my friends read this, I'm sure you all know that those Richmond thugs want him and Brad bashed because of Fiona and her friends.
Well, Thursday night Chris calls me (he calls me everynight at 9:30 except fridays) anyways, we talk for awhile. After about 10 minutes of talking his phone cut out, and he didn't end of calling me back until half an hour later. The reason is because he got chased and he was scared to death. But he got hom safely, and then we said goodbye so he could get something to eat and go to bed.
He also promised to call me on Saturday night, like he always does to let me know he was still comming over on Sunday (we see each other every Sunday).

Friday night comes, and he doesn't call me which is fine because have an agreement that we have a break friday night. However, Alyce calls me and tells me that FIONA smsed her out of the blue telling her she's sorry for everything. Alyce gave Fiona Chris's number so she could apologise to him too.

Now, Comes Saturday night I'm waiting patiently for Chris to call me like he is supposed to. But nothing happens. I go to ring him to find out that his is phone off. Now his phone is NEVER off, and he knows he has to call me on Saturdays to let me know that he is still comming over.
So I try calling him all night, and his phone is still off. Same with all Sunday he phone was off and I was panicking.
I wanted to wait and see if he would call me, but my Dad and Alyce kept insisiting that I call his home phone and talk to his Mum.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I told Dad to talk to his Mum as I was too scared to talk to her incase there was bad news, I was so convinced he had gotton bashed or something.
So he calls his Mum, And I got in the shower. I don't know why, I just felt better in there. Then when I got out Dad told me Chris went away Saturday night, and left his phone at home. He told his Mum to call me and let me know he couldn't see me on Sunday. But she couldn't find my number anywhere.
So, that was that. I felt alot better after that.

But then I woke up today, the day of our three months. I realised that I haven't spoken to Chris since Thursday. It's the longest that I've gone without talking to him.

Another thing I relised is that Chris put his mates over me. Maybe I'm selfish for thinking like this, but hey..It just kinda hurt because I think that given the choice he'd rather hang out with his mates then me.

One more thing. What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore? You know..*Sighs again*

Hopefully he'll call me tonight and we can sort this out. I have decided though, I've had enough of playing a faithful little puppy. He has started to take me for granted on alot of other things and I won't put up with it. I love him, yes. But I love myself too and I don't want to be treated badly.

If he doesn't call me, too bad. I'm not going to grovel. But I miss him so much, my heart hurts.....

A different subject - Alyce wants to get back with Brendan. We've come up with a little sceme to get them back together, HAHA. Childish, I know, But it's fun.

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Goodbe..Hello Again.. [11 Sep 2003|03:54pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I don't think I will ever forget what happened two years ago today..

It always makes me sad to think about it. Same with the Bali Bombings.

And Columbine. And my Mother. And Chris's friend..

And alot of other things..

I know never to take anyone for granted. Friends, Mums, Dads, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Granparents, Aunties, Uncles..They are so special..

Life is really unexpected, so I've learned.

I love you guys.

I really cherish everything I have...

And remember everything I don't have anymore..

I will never find an explanation as to why these things have happened, and why I have lost these dear people to me. I will never know why..ever..

But I do know that is not the end, it is not over. Life must go on..And they are never really gone. I still think about them everyday..
They may not be here in person, but they are still alive in my heart and mind..

And my love has never changed..

And it never will.

I love you mum...

And everyone else...

It will ok, and we will be together again..It's never over, there is no such thing as the end..

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I need your love..God, speed your love to me. [01 Sep 2003|05:45pm]
[ mood | refreshed ]
[ music | Leanne Rimes - Unchained Melody ]

Ah, I always feel much better after a warm shower.

This weekend has been so strange, I'll start with Friday -

Friday night I decided to go to my granparents for dinner and stay the night. It's been awhile since I saw them and they said they missed me. Chris called me on Friday night too, and said he would call me Saturday night to let me know he was still comming over on Sunday.

Saturday morning I went shopping. I bought three new skirts and a top and some underwear for myself. I also got a fathers day present for my Dad and a present for Chris (late 18th birthday present)

Saturday night I go to the Penrith Show and watch my cousin perform, then I go home at 9:30 like a good girl because I was supposed to see Chris the next day.
Now, Chris said he would ring me Saturday night and let me know if he was still comming over the next day. He usually rings me at 9:30, but 9:30 came and went..
11pm and I'm still waiting when Alyce calls me. 20 minutes later I get off the phone with her and she rings Chris to find up whats up. I ring her back and she told me Chris has bad news to tell me. So I call Chris and he told me he couldn't see me on Sunday because he was stuck at his Dads. He seemed really cold and distant so I just ended the conversation and called Alyce back.
She told me Chris told her he needed a break from me. She also said that if I don't change my attitude I'm gonna loose him.

I spent all Saturday night and all Sunday crying and stressing out I was going to loose Chris. I really thought it was over.

Sunday night comes and Chris calls me. He said reason he was cold is that he was scared of saying the wrong thing to me because he was pissed off because those thugs were on his back again. I also found out Alyce LIED. She was the one trying to convince Chris he needed a break. She said the same to me, she even tried to convince me to dump him. I don't think Alyce was trying to cause any trouble, but It did upset me.


But on the other hand, I did COMPLETLY overreact about all this. I made myself sick worrying. I really need to relax. I'm just so afraid losing those close to me..Since my Mum died, I have this real strong fear of everyone else around me dying too, you know? Chris is so understanding..and patient. I really love him.

I miss him too. Only six more sleeps to go!

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[27 Aug 2003|04:38pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Rock with you - Ashanti ]

It's a nice afternoon, if I wasn't wearing my pjs I'd take my dog to the park for a walk.

I saw Chris on Sunday. I almsot broke up with him. He was an HOUR late and he didn't even call. I couldnt get in contact with him and I had to get Alyce to call him because I was out of credit on my mobile.
It turns out he was at Gregs and he had to walk because his bike broke. Still, he should of called. He told me the night before he would call and he knows how much I worry about him with those Richmond thugs wanting him bashed.
Anyway, when he finally turned up I pushed him and yelled at him. He just stood there and stared at me. iI could tell he felt bad. Anyway, we kissed and made up.
He had to go home alot earliar then usual. So I only ended up seeing him for about an hour. I cried when he left too. I just went home, got into bed and cried. I called Alyce on my home phone and she talked to me. Told me to get over it. I was abit pissed off but later realised she was right.

Monday night Chris called me at 10pm, we talked till 7am the next morning. Haha, we were both buggered. But it was really lovely. We watched the sunrise together, it was probably the most romantic moment of my life.

Matt and Brendan called me last night. I was so tired when they called, I really hope I didn't say something I would regret. I honestly can't remember what I said.

Anyway, I'm off to do a few things.

Bye Bye!

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Run away with my heart... [23 Aug 2003|08:33pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Wherever you will go - The Calling ]

It's Saturday night and I'm home by myself, again. At least I get to see Chris tomorrow, I just hope it doesn't rain. That would ruin everything.
I went to Alyce's last night, got home this afternoon. We argued almost all night and I ended up talking to Chris on the phone and she talked to Amy on the phone. We made up in the end and called Nick and Brendan..And, her Nick hooked up! I'm happy for her.

This morning Alyce and I were talking about death. She misses her Aunt Gretta, and I miss my Mum. Alyce reminded me of all the fun we had with my Mum, it made me laugh and cry. I miss her so much. I don't think I will ever understand why she had to die.
There used to be this lullaby she used to sing to me and by brother. Everytime I think about it I imagine her singing it in my head and it makes me cry. The pain in my heart hurts so bad and I can't stop the tears. Memories of her hurt so bad, and it feels like she is slipping away from my memory.
Alyce told me that since her Aunt died she worries that everyone else around her will die too. I feel like that alot too. But I am tring to just live each day out, whatever happens happens. Life really has to go on.. I just hope and pray I will see Mum again someday.

I'm trying to put my thoughts down here but all I can think about is Chris. I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I have a present for him. It's nothing much, just a little something that used to be mine. Awhile ago I was going througha hard time and my Grandparents (bless them) gave me a Guardian Angel pin to watch over me. Chris does not feel safe at the moment and I thought he might like to have my Guardian Angel pin. He calls me his angel too so I think it would be nice.

Well, I'm going to go and take a shower, Chris is supposed to call me later.

Please pray it doesn't rain!

xoxoxox

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[22 Aug 2003|02:02pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | U got it bad - usher ]

Yesterday I typed out a long entry and it disappeared. Oh well.

Today Chris and I have been together for two months. We did make plans to go to the movies with Alyce and Brendan but that won't be happening now. Instead I'm just going to spend tonight with Alyce and see Chris on Sunday.

Matt called me last night, it was good to talk to him again. I REALLY want to see him again. Maybe next weekend or something. It was hard to hear what he was saying (bad reception) but sounded really down. Poor Matty. He needs some love in his life. I always thought him and Alyce were good together.....

Brad wants me and Alyce to go to a party with him on Saturday night. I doubt I will go, but it's good Brad and I are getting along.

Anyways. I'm outta here for awhile. This has been a very boring entry. But it looked so empty I just HAD to type something in here. Well...bye

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Damn [21 Aug 2003|07:02pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Damn. I just wrote a long entry, and it got wiped. Oh well, I'll retype it later.

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