Drifting Darkness

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14th September 2003

5:30am: For Fuckin' Cryin' Out Loud
How is it that by trying to help a friend who looked like they were about to go on a mass-murder spree is suddenly against the "rules"? Why is it that every time I try to help him, seeing how I'm the only one that ever does, there are certain people who take it completely the WRONG FUCKIN' WAY?!?!? You know, right now I really don't give a fuck who the hell reads this or what the hell they reply with. As far as I'm concerned, whatever relationship Akuma and I develope is between Akuma and I. If I want to be friends with him, I will. If I trust him, I will. If I feel safe around him, I will damn well go where I please. None of you understand what hell I've been though, but Akuma does. He has been there and he knows what I have gone and continue to dragged though....including the intolerance of those who can't take a clue when they start ragging on my friend, companion in magick, and mentor. I said a lot last night in hopes that you would eventually all shut the hell up. I'm so tired of having to be two-faced around people.....I thought college WASN'T supposed to be like high school.....well ya know what? This fuckin' shit stops here. If you wanna bash Akuma, go right ahead, but be prepared for him to hear what you're saying. I'm tired of you all acting like just because I am a first-year that I have no mind of my own. From now on don't even bother talking to me if all you are going to do is trash my friend and second guess his (or my, for that matter) motives. He and I are a lot alike in a lot of ways....so much more than any of you will ever understand. Obviously none of you care to get to know me, seeing how the only time I around all you do is find it in your bleak little hearts to rant and rave. Ha. You make me laugh.

(4 Shown Colors | Are You Real?)

15th August 2003

3:21pm: I want....
I wanna go driving...just to feel the wind in my hair...just to think...to miss and to love. I can't though...no insurance. *pouts*

(1 Shown Color | Are You Real?)

I fixed my "new" watch...now I can throw the crappy one away!!!

(Are You Real?)

2:36pm: The Cars....
I forgot how great they are.

(Are You Real?)

10:22am: Hmmm....a little confused...
They dropped my LAS course....I wonder if that means they couldn't find an instructor or what. Oh well, one less class for me to deal with I guess. It's nothing too big to worry about seeing how I have 15 credits. Oh, that reminds me I have to check on my AP credits.....Isn't it lovely to have to figure all this out and not have an advisor? ~_~'

Oh, another reminder to myself: I still have to take that thing for the loan.

I remember the episode of....I think it was Boy Meets World....yep I'm pretty sure it was....when they're all signing up for the courses and Cory decides that the intro ones are for wussies....yeah. Well, he was wrong. Why anyone would jump the gun like that....dont' ask me.

(Are You Real?)

14th August 2003

10:12pm: Kissing Game....
Secret Word
This game is a great one to play over the course of a day, date, or evening.

To start the game, you and your partner must decide upon a 'code word' (or words). For the duration of the game, whenever someone says that word, you and your partner must kiss.

For best results, pick a word that will be used somewhat often, but not every sentence. "And", "If", etc. are bad words, because they are used way too often! Depending on what you are doing, the word could be related to your activity. For example, if you are going bowling, the word could be "strike" , "spare" , or even "rented shoes".

Part of the fun of the game is to not let other people know what you are up to. Let them wonder why you are randomly kissing for no (obvious) reason!

(Are You Real?)

10:11pm: Quiz time!!!!
You're a Klever Kisser!

A Klever Kisser enjoys being seductive and desirable. You're the kind of person that is naturally more erotic and aggressive. You enjoy being sensual and involving the entire body in a kiss. You enjoy kissing anytime and for as long as it takes to get the job done right. You don't mind displaying your affection in any location, and pride yourself in your kissing technique. You have an awesome amount of passion and heat flowing through your body when you kiss. You do not take kissing lightly, and tend to hope it will lead to more touching and sharing. You are spicy and can be a little racy. Be careful not to forget the value of a sweet and slow kiss. Your usual hot and heavy kisses are exciting, but it's nice to have a little variety now and then. Overall you are certainly the most sexy of the kissing styles, and you definitely keep the car windows fogged.

(Are You Real?)

9:41pm: HAHAHA
There's a Hot Topic in the Bangor Mall.....*evil grin* I am SO going to be broke...

(Are You Real?)

8:20pm: Hmmm....
A richly colored red bedroom...never thought about that.....

(Are You Real?)

9:24am: Daily Beliefnet Wisdom Snipits...
"Imagine yourself as a child lying on your back, gazing up into a cloudless sky, and blowing soap bubbles through a plastic ring. As a bubble drifts up into the sky, you watch it rise, and this brings your attention to the sky. While you are looking at the bubble, it pops, and you keep your attention right where the bubble had been. Your awareness now lies in empty space."

-B. Alan Wallace, "Tibetan Buddhism From the Ground Up

"A gentle hand may lead an elephant with a single hair."

- Persian proverb

(Are You Real?)

9:16am: Morning!!!
Well, despite the news from yesterday, I'm still chipper!

Anyhow...the news? Yeah...A friend of mine might have to go play army-men in a sandbox because our "president" is a major dickfuck. ~_~ Yeah....I have a lot I could sit here and speal on about that, but I think I'll save that for my other diary. Knowing my luck there are Bush-lacky's that read this. *cringes and shakes head* I'm SO glad I can vote in the upcoming elections.....

I talked to Joe for an hour last night! ^_^ That deffinity made me night. It was odd though...each time I closed my eyes, I felt as if I could open them and he'd be there. Believe it or not, we got off the phone and I went to bed at 10:15...that's the earliest I've good to bed in the past month!! Anyhow, I think I might call him later just for a few. It feels really good to have someone who cares the way he does...really good.

We talked about army-men a little too....thankfully he noticed how...ummm....too deeply I was thinking about it and changed the subject. It's bad enough Hoff's back in Iraq (last I knew)....I don't keep track of him....I think it would be too hard to keep track of someone I used to, and still kinda do, cared so much for in the past. *shudders* I'm so tired of all this "war".........I'm not even going to start going into my veiws.....it would prove interesting with the comments of others.

On another note, I might take a walk up to the high school later. See who I can see, check out the poety spot. *sigh* I can say I'll never miss the school, but the land around it and people inside of it...that's a different story.....

Current Mood: awake

(Are You Real?)

13th August 2003

5:55pm: My half of the love compatability quiz....
Romance Style - You are a Traditional
Red roses, chocolate truffles and champagne say it all for you. Whether you're playing Prince Charming or looking for him, you want things to be right out of a fairy tale. Traditional females have a harder time in love than male ones -- if they're not paired with someone who can show them affection, they may retreat into a world of romance novels and Nora Ephron movies. Traditional males are generally snatched up like hotcakes!

Sexual Style - You are a Spicy
You like it hot! You have a healthy sexual appetite and your sense of playfulness and adventure really excites your mate. Although you don't blindly (or unsafely) say yes to any sexual escapade, your list of "nevers" is not that long.

Communication Style - You are a Gifted Communicator
You and your main squeeze are equal partners in your relationship, thanks to excellent communication skills. You say it like it is, without negativity or accusations. You listen intently to your partner's issues, ideas and suggestions, and not only are you able to skillfully articulate your feelings and ideas, but you're also able to understand your partner. Wow, is your mate lucky!

Astrological Assessment - You are an Aquarius
In love relationships, Aquarius is flirtatious, not possessive or jealous. The great strength of the Aquarius-born is their visionary nature. Their ability to break the rules and move beyond what others think is possible makes them one of the most innovative characters of the Zodiac.

(Are You Real?)

5:39pm: Robin Hood....
I've always been obsessed with the tales of Robin Hood, his adventures, forbidden love to Maid Marian, and the life that he lead even in marriage. No matter what version of Robin Hood it may be, even Mel Brooks, simply set down the book or tape in front of me and it will consume me. I do not have the faintest idea why, but I can relate to the stories that are spun about him then I can of any other character.....especially in the tales that are woven by Parke Godwin.

I remember the first time reading Robin of Sherwood, that's when a book took me nearly two weeks to read. Now, every time I open the second book, the one that I own, Robin and the Kings, I can't put it down without thinking of the characters. It drags my mind into an abyss of compel ideas and trying to solve each step for Robin before he does. Even now, starting to read it for yet a fifth time in the past month, I still allow myself to sit and contemplate on his trials and tribulations and the poor broken heart that Marian must have suffered.

Even the back of the book itself is enough to pull me in time after time...

"In years past he was called 'Robin Hood,' and outlaw champion of the oppressed Britons. Now Edward Aelredson is a man of peace -- content to live quietly with his adored Marian and their two young children. But grave injustice forces Aelredson to break his silence and speak out against the Conqueror King -- earning him William's perilous scorn...and the undying enmity of the king's dark and ruthless Chancellor, Ranulf of Bayeux. And now Robin Hood must like once more -- reborn in flames and treachery, in exile and in chains -- to serve a sworn enemy...and to battle overwhelming forces for what was lost, for what is just, for freedom, and for England."

Maybe the reason why I feel so connected to the character of Robin Hood is because he is the exact example of what I have always wanted in a man...Someone who is passionate about everything he does, whether it be petitioning the government, seeking proper justice, or even making love to the only woman in his life. Someone who believes in what he believes in and won't falter when he's put in a spot that compromises what he believes. Someone who will do whatever it takes to make sure his children have a better life then what he had and that they grow up safe and strong. Someone who can see the person he will marry the moment he meets her, and refuses to let her go for anything in the world.

I've always been a dreamer and I guess Robin Hood is my ultimate dream...my ultimate desire...

I wonder if I've found my Robin....
Current Mood: contemplative

(Are You Real?)

5:18pm: Time....
Is a funny thing. I was reading e-mails from just last summer and they feel almost as if it was all another lifetime ago. Sometimes I wonder if time slows down or speeds up when you get older. Some people say that when you wait for something, it slows down to a crawl....but at the same time it comes so fast that you find yourself at not only a loss for words, but also at a loss of composure and selfassurance.

Time, indeed, is a very odd thing...

(Are You Real?)

3:01pm: Only 7 days.....
...and Joe and Sarah will be down. It'll be great to see Sarah again...but I'm really nervous...

Which I guess is natural...It's only right to be nervous when the guy of your dreams is coming to your home town mainly to meet your parents...

My hands shake and my breath catches just thinking about it at all. It's starting to get me a little on edge, but at the same time, I can't wait until they meet him. I don't see how they can possibly not like him, then again...I'm a little biased. *small nervous smile* Dad's already invited them to stay for a kinda cookout if they want and it sounds like they might stay...which would be really cool. It's actually odd for dad to do that when they're complete strangers...so that could be a good sign. I think it'll go great...

But I can't shake this nervousness....I mean...wow I never even felt this nervous the first time I had a guy over to the house......Actually, I don't think I've ever been this nervous at all. I don't know if it's just that I'm amazed at how lucky I've been or what....

Anyhow...I guess that's enough incoherent rambling about my nerves and lack of them.....I gtg grocery shopping.

Current Mood: nervous

(Are You Real?)

2:44pm: *sigh*
I hate this...I actually have a chance to win a trophy and a medalion for my poetry but because of lack of transportation AND money....no go. *pouts*

(Are You Real?)

2:39pm: *LMAO*
Men's low rise, french cut, bikini briefs.......

I love it!!!!

*dies laughing*

(Are You Real?)

12th August 2003

10:08pm: your kind hearted and good you are edward
edward scissor hands

what johnny depp movie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Are You Real?)

9:10pm: casablanca
"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

cuddle and a kiss
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Are You Real?)

8:37pm: Something from "The 10th Kingdom"......
"Ta-da!" Wolf said, standing in front of her. "Your Prince has come."

He swept her off her feet. She was pale from the pain. He pulled her close and kissed her. She kissed him back for a brief second, and then shoved him away.

"Can you untie me?" She held her bound hands up.

"Of course," Wolf said. "You get the full rescue service with me."

He grabbed her hands and bit the twine holding her wrists. The things he did for love, he thought. He shook his head, and bit even harder. The twine snapped, and Virginia was free.

(Are You Real?)

7:34pm: Is it bad when your talking Spongebob reminds you of the person you love? *lmao*

(Are You Real?)

4:51pm: HAHAHA
"Beautiful eyes, beautiful teeth, all the right stuff in all the right places...no doubt about it, I am in love." ~ Wolf, 10th Kingdom

(Are You Real?)

4:12pm: = )
It's raining....

Now everytime I hear the rain, I'm going to think of last night...

*BIG smile*

(Are You Real?)

2:03pm: You represent... naivete.
You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your sexual energy is blue! you like to see the
inner beauty in people and material things and
kinky things don't mean much to you.

What color is your sexual energy?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Are You Real?)

1:47pm: You know what's funny?
I almost signed the wrong name to my loan!!!

(Are You Real?)

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