Blurty for Agent Rainbow.
|Sunday, February 28th, 2010|
i promise you all i was just frustrated with in that last entry. in fact, i am probably one of the last girls on earth to ever dislike another girl. i love women.
especially one in particular. :)
life is great.
hasta la pasta my sexies.
|Tuesday, August 18th, 2009|
|i hate girls.|
|Thursday, August 14th, 2008|
On 6/1/2007, a little more than a year ago, she gave me a notebook as a graduation present. The notebook ironically catalogued of all my struggles and emotional difficulties I had with her. It also summed up my entire Belmont experience and all of my pain over the last year (and few recent months).
Tomorrow I start my roadtrip to Furman. I get to start over again. Today I took the time to physically, spiritually, and mentally prepare myself. It's time for a clean slate.
Today I wrote my last concluding entry in that notebook. I extended my thanks to her for providing me with the notebook in the first place and keeping me somewhat glued to reality over the course of the year (even if it caused me inconceivable amounts of pain in the process). I also thanked Belmont for helping me realize myself.
I spread the ashes of that final entry into the ocean this afternoon.
I intend to do the same to the remaining written entries in the notebook. All that will be left are the book's binding and the blank pages I never used. It will be like it was never written in before. I don't need these old thoughts to hold me back any longer. =)
I suppose I'm sort of extending my thanks over the interwebs by writing this entry. (not that anyone reads this blog, but it gives me additional closure.)
Let go, leave behind, start anew.
"I run so far
and I dont know where I'm going
I try to step forward
Just to get away from you
But you're everywhere I turn
You hand me a blank book
So I can turn over a new page
But the fact is
You'll always flow with every beat
of my heart
I'm sick of blaming myself
So now I make excuses
and I blame you instead
I meant it when I said
I wouldn't let you go
because I still hold his hand
And still wish it were yours
Ebb and flow
You're the inescapable half
of my shadow
Gnawing at my heels
No matter where I run
There is nowhere to hide
Save for the blackness inside my mind
Your presence will always be as
the scars you left behind.
It's never over"
Well, I guess it is now.
|Thursday, May 22nd, 2008|
i'm transferring to furman, yo.
i can move on with my life.
|Wednesday, February 6th, 2008|
well, who knew that i would be writing this entry from the basement of the university that i currently attend (and dislike)? yes.. here in nashville, tennessee.. we are under a tornado warning. it's pretty lame. i've been sitting here for a good two hours. i'm getting incredibly antsy and i really want to go to sleep because i have 8 am class tomorrow, not to mention i have an AM run. i apologize for the lack of updates. who reads this anyway? just me i suppose.
i run ncaa division I track these days. it's pretty neat... i used to dream about it. i've learned a lot.
i'm transferring out of this school though... or at least i'll be transferring if i get in anywhere. i hope. we'll have to see. i'll let you know.
it's been an interesting while since i last wrote in here. so much gap-filling to do that will probably never be done...
riding the tennessean winds...
|Friday, January 5th, 2007|
i know this is lame and seems emo and stabby stabby stab but i freaking LOVE this song and i cant stop listening to it.
and to reflect
is to regret
throwing it all away
my one way street
it took so much from me
through my fears
and in your tears
you tried to show blind eyes
and tell deaf ears
if we can make it through the landslide standing
we'll lift each other up to see the bliss on the horizon
been looking in from the outside lately
i've seen who i used to be and it's not me
and we can keep healing
and we can keep holding on
i just want to take you where
out time won't waste anymore
through the mountains on the water
we'll stay engulfed in one another
and when i can wake up
to see the sunrise in your eyes
then we'll finally be free and i'll know i've made it home
so lets go out west and bask
in the overcast
and walking through the rain
we'll see the beauty on life again
|Tuesday, December 19th, 2006|
I was just remembering Dimebag Darrel and how important he was to the music community...
We love you Dime.
|Wednesday, October 4th, 2006|
how to sum up my life lately in this one entry
errrr seniors '07, i have a car, i've gained 15 lbs since my freshman year...
rock 4 relief is the shit
but applying to colleges you don't know if you're going to get into isn't.
|Tuesday, May 16th, 2006|
I've had this journal for I think about 3 and a half to almost four years.
Isn't that CRAZY?
ah so much has changed. :)
|Saturday, April 22nd, 2006|
The place for 0bjekt in my mind is wearing away
like a stretched out leather glove
Its presence once familiar, and soothing to me
Now hangs cold and
loose like old flesh
Its stay has worn its welcome
And no longer brings warm memories
of breezey winters and the hope for snow
The 0bjekt has worn a chasm into my brain
by which contemplation leaves the body
wracked with discomfort and undesirable feeling
An old spirit still haunts my house
I have yet to truly banish it away
|Tuesday, April 18th, 2006|
It's really intense competition manana.
tasha inspired me to write an entry before the blurty people decide to cancel my account because I rarely update it...
I guess that's okay because I don't think many people really stumble upon this happy place
things have changed. life. ah.
i wish people would relax, they're freaking out about college, which is understandable. But that's all people talk about in my dwindling lunch period day by day by day. Its sad I should get so irritated by it and its only the first Tuesday after spring break.
this semester has sucked so far.
I've been insane in the membrane.
that's okay though I reckon.
get in touch with your creative sides, and only YOU can prevent forest fires.
|Sunday, February 26th, 2006|
|today I am very, very, sad.|
|Sunday, February 5th, 2006|
staring at the same wall
[it] starts to repeat in your mind
an incoherent thought
and it cascades over my head
and freezes over my shiv'ring bones
Staring at the same wall
[it] pushes me back to where I started
not really sure at all
|Thursday, January 26th, 2006|
|i need help!! ahhh!|
|Thursday, January 12th, 2006|
|I have a problem.|
|Monday, December 26th, 2005|
I have nothing to criticize, because I am at peace.
I'm hoping that all of you are having pleasant holidays.
On my end it was wonderful to see everyone again.
I have a new pair of Dr Martens boots that have only *just* touched American soil.
My only difficulty I have with them is matching them with things.
But this is only minor, seeing that I am happy with or without them.
I'm a bit ashamed that I lost track of the days and thought today was Sunday due to carelessness and lack of sleep. It left me very frazzled, I was supposed to go to a Track practice at 2:45, but luckily Becker couldn't make it this afternoon, thus leaving today's practice for tomorrow.
Happy boxing day.
Do someone a favor. Give $15 to the homeless pregnant woman who hasn't eaten in three days.
Happy Not-Quite-Jesus' Birthday Yesterday
|Saturday, October 8th, 2005|
Yes I know I haven't updated in a long time. What can I say? I'm a busy girl. As the rest of the juniors all across the land and such.
I guess here's my life so far:
My time during the entire Cross Country season has not improved. But a few days ago, I got under 25:30. (25:25) when technically I should be in the 24s.
I haven't made Varsity. I'm still in limbo.
Doc thinks its a plateau in my long distance training when I'm really a short distance runner.
I think thats poo. But whatever. He might be right. Or just trying to make me feel better.
I feel like I've disappointed everyone.
Other XC stuff hmm.. I made a spirit stick. Yes that's right. A spirit stick. I acquired it the day after Hurricane Katrina hit us at parrot jungle whilst jumping over large pieces of debris in pouring rain on one jolly parrot jungle morning. I found this incredible stick. I take it to meets. But the one I've been using mainly is my PORTABLE (YES I HAVE A PORTABLE ONE TOO) spirit stick which I acquired at FSU. Tallahassee is beautiful and woodsie so, I found a smaller one and made it pretty.
Today is the 12 hour relay. (Everyone each runs a mile while keeping the baton moving). We all were supposed to do around 10 miles and I only did 5. Crappy.
I'm assembling a student-run Hurricane Katrina Benefit Concert. Its been a little frustrating. First, Mr. Hamm and I both came up with the ideas. I tried to get mine done ASAP. His got approved first coz hes a faculty member like that and it took me MUCH longer, they didn't like the dates I picked... so he had his happy concert. Then some other students in the drama department are trying to organize one with chorus and stuff. They, as I soon learned when I was told to talk to Ms Clark had a date of November 18 and mine would be postponed to the second semester. So I kind of stretched out and was all "well ok". Then a few weeks later I get an e-mail that mine had been set to November 18. So I had to go through another bout of obnoxious amount of approvals, and get some chaperones and sponsors.
So finally my happy concert gets put on the calendar. I have like three bands and maybe one solo act signed up. (:()
...Then I find out:
that Mr. Hamm is having his own second benefit concert with his own band.
ON ONE OF THE DATES I PROPOSED TO MRS SULKES.
Everyone's dead! Nobody's signing up because it couldn't be approved quickly enough for me to make an announcement in assembly! (assembly was packed anyway) I need help!
Its been pissy.
but whatever, I'll throw it together somehow. I need to talk to the Red Cross Club.
Don't get me wrong or anything, I think the more money the better, but its killing it. I should ask Hamm to play in my concert rather than take all the glory like that. But that'll be a pain coz he'll have to tell his band members and stuff. Oh well.
Nothing else really to comment on. I'm sapped from being in the sun all day (yech). I make most of my comments in a physical journal.
|Monday, August 15th, 2005|
Today was orientation and once more with every year my apathy grows for it!
People would be like "LYK OMG SO HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING A JUNIOR?!"
"Um... it's great.. I guess?"
But it really hit me when I heard somebody was like "OH MY GOD I TURN 17 IN FIFTEEN DAYS"
That kind of freaked me out.
Well, so is everybody else.
Damn. I need to bake or something since I'm broke.
My guitar still hasn't come in... it better be in by tomorrow.
I have Mrs Naranjo. I think I might die.
I'm excited for Anatomy and Art History and stuff..
anyway, later my children
|Thursday, August 11th, 2005|
Hello my chickadees!
Not being able to go to sleep till about 3 or 4 am kind of sucks! I'm basically nocturnal now!
I had the most disturbing dream about dead people this morning. It really wasn't my cup of tea.
And speaking of dead people, they're making a Saw II just in time for halloween. More dismemberment of limbs!
My cat has been giving me the worst of allergies lately. And yes, summer comes to a violent end on Monday.
I really just might go to Ozzfest. There are no Cross Country meets that day (a Sunday), and its a three day weekend! So once I figure out whether or not I'm going... I'd like to know if anyone wants to go with me :(
I'm going to take Tylenol PM tonight so I may sleep!
|Thursday, August 4th, 2005|
HOLY FREAKING CRAP THE NEW ARCH ENEMY ALBUM FUCKING KICKS ASS!!!!!!!!!
I love that band ;_;
I WANNA GO TO OZZFEST AND TELL MIKE AND CHRIS AMMOT HOW MUCH THEY PWN... AND HOW MUCH ANGELA GOSSOW FUCKING PWNS FOR SOUNDING 100XS MORE AWESOME ON METAL VOCALS!!
And then maybe get my shirt autographed... or the CD autographed if I buy it (which I probably will) because it is so worth actually owning than just downloading.
...I'd get my guitar autographed but that'd be a scary thing to carry around at an outdoor metal festival :/
ahhh!! *pisses self*
and yes I know I'm writing a pro-Arch Enemy entry in here when I'm listening to Children of Bodom... but that band is also major pwnage!!!!!!
... I can't sleep. I'm kind of delirious.
Blurty for Agent Rainbow.