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Sunday, June 6th, 2004
3:53 pm - Am I that impossible to be understood?
Well I know I haven't been writting so much in here. I'm either in some sleep or doing something stupid. Like getting myself into trouble and getting yelled at. Getting suicidal. Doing some messed up shit. ARGH. I just hate it all. Lately I've been writing a lot of poetry. I don't know if... posting any of my poems in here. I mean poeple praise them but some of them are either too gory or too graphic. So what? My life is gory and graphic.

I guess I'll post only one of them.


Bloody Syndrome

To her, blood is her special drug.
But it fools her.
The more she drinks, the powerful she may feel but the more she yearns.
So drunk, she still wants more.
Her craving won't stop.
It's uncontrollable.
And she doesn't care.
But not from him, she wouldn't kill her lover.
Love comes before her bloody desire.
So drenched in blood, the vampiric lovers make love.
Succumbed in an evanescing torment, they decay, as the rays of a new day are born.
No fear, they just leave and rest for another thousand years.
But in their immortality a new life will grow.

It's a usless and stupid poem. It can be ignored. I can be ignored. Heh... I've been ignored just about all my life so who cares about me? Not mom since she always yells at me. Not dad since he only seems to care about sitting on his ass in front of the TV. Not my friends and what boyfriend would care about me if I don't have one. I have a friend that I'd love to be my boyfriend but.... i doubt that would happen.

I'm so sick of life and sick of missing who could be my best friend.

Lisa.... missing Asa

current mood: Suicidal
current music: Disturbed- Prayer

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Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
11:06 pm - Back from partying....
Man this party that my mate Nikki invited me to.....

Kicked Ass!!!!!!!!

I had so much fun specially after singing 4 songs!!! I just love to sing and when there is karaoke.... you better push me down into a chair to make me stay away from the microphone. LOL. Damn it was so much fucking fun. Bleh I think this is it. I have nothing else to say. Except..... I'M FEELING THIS DAMMIT!!!! LOL. A little blink 182 joke.

Lisa

current mood: crazy
current music: your mom in the shower.... ha ha ha

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11:01 am - Now I won't be talking about you...
It is officially over. The issue of Asa Ekengren is done. I will not be talking about him at all and talking to him for a period of time. I decided to block him on my AIM and I might do the same with other people. I am sick of them so why not blocked them? Fucking great. As I speak about dick face, his friend (also my friend) Josh logs on AIM. I am not blocking him though. I mean, yeah Josh was mean a while ago but not as much of an asshole as Asa. So this is it.

Yesterday would have been the final conversation between me and Asa but no. I just simply said "I'm so glad, that I may never see you again." and blocked him as he was typing something back to me. I don't want to talk to him right now. Specially when I was a fucking emo rollercoaster. I spent the whole night crying after watching "Thirteen." Good movie by the way.

Well, I have absolutely nothing more to say so I am going to go. Oh well yeah one thing..... my wish of going to a party is coming alive. Tonight at the Honeymoon Suites in Maitland I'll be partying like crazy with my best mate Nikki.

Gotta go now.

Lisa

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Friday, May 21st, 2004
10:55 pm - I am TIRED of this bullshit....
I told everyone off. I had to. They think they know me well. They don't know SHIT about me. Here is what I posted on Datawhore.org:

"Listen you all. I know there are some of you that hate me and you know that is fine. I mean no one was brought up to Earth to be 100% loved so go on... keep on bringing the hate even though I am 100% out of LBHS.... but not DWORG. Anyway, all the shit that has happened lately between me and many other members of DWORG has brought up some stuff to my head so I am using this threat to take "a mind dump."

First of all, you guys don't know me well. You all think I am still doing the bullshit I used to do when I fucking don't. I have been cut free for 3 motherfucking straight ass months. (Woop dee doo!!!) Yeah, you all don't care. BUT I DO!

You all don't know how motherfucking hard I am working on my "weight problem" like my doctor calls it. When I joined this goddamned site I was in what... 250? Yeah... sorry I have been sniffing a lot so I can't remember straight. Yeah 250. You know I am in 230. The exact weight that I was when I STARTED in LBHS. Still you all don't care cause you all with remember me as a fucking fat chick.

It was a good laugh I know. The whole "incident" like it's now called. I am laughing hysterically about it now when I look back at the BULLSHIT I went through. It might have scared me a bit. I might have been obsessed. But I am deffenetely over. OVER! Happy now people?

Last thing, I think there are a bunch of you who are pathetic losers like you like to call me. But I think many of you are not the ones that will be traveling all over the world speaking about 5 different languages and aside that singing and song writting, recording albums making platinum... whatever. I do which some of you the best in your lives. But, learn to treat others better. Learn to RESPECT, if you want to gain those things back. Cause I don't give respect... with me you have to earn it. And for the past months that I have been here half of you don't deserve squat shit.

That's it.... for now."

Seriously, people on that site needs to get over the hate. I don't want them to love me. No no no. MISTAKEN! But at least show respect.

Lisa

current mood: bitchy
current music: Evanescence- Surrender

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7:38 pm - bored bored bored bored bored bored...
bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored .............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

I seriously need to get out of my house before I explode THANKS to BOREDOM!!!!!!

Lisa

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10:37 am - Amusingly bored...
At the moment I am eating cookies and some chocolate milk. But what am I going to do afterwards it's still unsure. I want to

PARTY

tonight and that might happen.

It's something like this. My new friend Lena asked me o call her last night and I did. She informed me that our friend Levon heard about some party/gathering tonight. So I was like "I'll see if I can make it there." I have no idea how cause I don't drive but if Lena could give anyone my address to pick me up.... I swear she'd become my best friend instantly.

So if you haven't noticed, this means that my party is cancelled. Better though cause sometime in June me and my friend Patch are having a party here at my house. Though it's some gathering for the LBHS Class of 2004.

I think I'm going to call my grandmom at noon. I don't know. I already feel so bored and NO ONE is online to talk to me. All I am doing is eating cookies with chocolate milk and listening to some music. I seriously wish someone was here.

I wish my friend Pete could come down from Canada. Hell we'd be doing so much right now. Probably having sex. Ok I better take my mind off the gutter.

You know what? I'm going skating in a bit so bye bye.

Lisa

current mood: bored
current music: Lacuna Coil- Circles

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10:26 am - HIM- Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart
Let me wake up in your arms
Hear you say it's not alright
Let me be self dead and gone
So far away from life
Close my eyes
Hold me tight
And bury me deep inside your heart

All I ever wanted was you, my love
You...all I ever wanted is you, my love
Your're all I ever wanted, just you

Let me never see the sun
And never see your smile
Let us be so dead and so gone
So far away from life
Just close my eyes
Hold me tight
And bury me deep inside your heart

All I ever wanted was you, my love
You...all I ever wanted is you, my love
You're all I ever wanted, you, oh my love
You're all I ever wanted, you, my love

That's the way it's always been
My heart stops beating only for you Baby
Only for your loving

All I ever wanted was you, my love
You...all I ever wanted is you, my love
You're all I ever wanted, you, my love
You're all I ever wanted, you, my love

current mood: blah
current music: HIM- Join Me IN Death

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Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
7:55 pm - YES!!!
I am out Of Brantley! Finally... though just for a few day or weeks. I have to go back In June to take summer school and the fucking FCAT. I hate that test more than what I used to hate Asa. LOL. He is so damn weird sometimes. He would talk to me online; once in a while, but the past two days at Brantley he would be like "no socializing." Um silly dude. All I wanted to say was goodbye to him, which I did say. Blah I am so bored. I managed to take ALL my finals today. English I ended up with a B on the final exam. But I have no idea about the other. I'm crossing my fingers hoping I did good.

Well I have nothing planned to do these few days. Tomorrow I have to go to Brantley; YUCK, to reherse for graduation. That will be the last time until June 7 that I'll be going there. After tomorrow I don't know what am I going to do.

Well only this..... PARTY AT MY HOUSE ON FRIDAY!!!!! Behind my mom's back I have been telling my friends about a party on Friday night. I'm thinking of telling my parents to cancel any plans they have for today; it's their aniversary, and do that Friday. That way I'll have the house for me and my friends.

It won't be a lot of people though. Just a few. But I know it will be fun. Seriously I hope someone brings alcohol and drugs. I've never done drugs but I want to get trashed on Friday.

I'm glad is over. I'm glad I am out of Brantley but I am starting to miss the good friends and the teachers I had for 4 years. It was fun, something where sad but shit happens.

Well that's all for today.

Lisa

current mood: cheerful
current music: Join Me In Death- HIM

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Tuesday, May 18th, 2004
4:09 pm - Relaxed and scared....
So now what? High school is over and I have to do some summer school. Big deal! Pertty soon I will be either down here still doing college or up in Canada living my life. I don't know yet. I am somewhat undecided. If I do go to Canada it will be to well.... work out some artistic career. I really want to become a singer. I may not have the sexy Britney Spears look but still.... I have a good voice and my guitar skills are improving (I think).

Today went well. I said goodbye to Asa and um... yeah... that went alright. Not in a lovey dovey way but as a friend I miss him. I think he has part of me somehow. Just some memories right?

Tomorrow are the finals. I'm not nervous about them. I know I'll do ok. Well... I hope. Thursday is kinda chaotic and hectic.I only have to take one exam but I have my grad rehersal. Odd that they only do ONE rehersal. But at least i am glad that I will be far from Asa.

But if I think about it... I will still be able to talk to him through AIM. That's ok. Doesn't mean a lot though cause he will be here in Florida and I might be away in Canada or Puerto Rico. You know.... I might never see him again. It's kinda sad but alright. Meant to happen.

There are a lot of people I might never see again. He is one of them. My other friends. I may never see my family again if I move away. Like I said, I am fine with that.

Lisa

current mood: moody
current music: Wicked Games- HIM

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Monday, May 17th, 2004
7:16 pm
What kind of friend is he? OMG! Though I am GLAD that my friend Jenifer told me about what happened.

OK. Asa (the GUY) and Jen met today. She is my BEST FRIEND.... compared to Asa and many others who calls themselves my friends. They are in Spanish class so they went to the Salvador Dali Museum field trip. Well she tells me that they talked about many thing. Oh yeah.... they even talked about me. About what truly happened in the prank and how I am "obsessed" with Asa. BS! He thinks I am obsessed with him when I am really doing my best to not hurt myself emotionally tomorrow, my last day of school and get over him. Well he can think whatever he wants but I stopped him on his tracks.

Jen overheard a conversation he was having with one of his friends. He told his friend that he was thinking about another prank. Asking me out and tell me it was another joke. HA HA HA! I don't think that is possible. First, I am leaving Asa behind. I'm graduating, he is still going to be in Brantley.

Bleh! I need to snap out of this shit and get to my normal life.

GOD I SO DON'T WANT HIM! Or do I?..... NOT!

Lisa

current mood: aggravated
current music: Wrong Way- Sublime

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12:26 pm - I'm here, stuck in boredom....
I was about to cry when I arrived at my school this morning. I was supossed to say goodbye to a friend but I couldn't. I might tell him tomorrow since that is my actual final day of school. I miss him already though.... oh well like he cares.

So I didn't do my Environmental Science report. Fucking care so much! Meh. I know that by taking this class final I'll bring the grade a bit higher. Not too high but a little bit.

Mom and I are going to the mall today. I might get a shirt. I don't know I am just willing to get this one shirt I saw at Hot Topic. Meh....

I am deffenetely bored to the max like my friend Josh would say. Eek... I don't know what else to say.

Fourth period is coming soon so I better log off.

Lisa

current mood: blah
current music: none

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Sunday, May 16th, 2004
8:22 pm - Almost Gone...
Well I was looking at the guy's AIM profile and I found a quote that surprised me.

"Life is too short so love the one you got cause you might get run over or you might get shot" -Brad Nowell

It shocked me to see that quote because, well I didn't know he liked Sublime. I am a sublime fan. In fact I am soon tattooing the famous sun in my back. I love that sun.

I wonder why he placed that quote. He better not be talking about me with that cause I am really over him.

Lisa

current mood: confused
current music: Santeria- Sublime

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5:43 pm - And the Newbie strikes....
What a nice day to begin a journal. First I re-wrote everything in my hand writen diary earlier before mom and dad left to the mall and the groceries. I wanted to stay home. I have been home the WHOLE WEEKEND!!! Oh so what? No one cares!

I don't know. I guess being so nervous about graduation and this weeks final exams has me cutting again. I tried to stop the habbit but since I carved the initials of the guy I used to have a crush on, I started all over again with this bullshit. Oh... he doesn't mind it. I mean he doesn't even care. We are supossedly friends but.... I think we are only pretending.

I am in a okay/lazy mood. Tired little fuck I should be called. The guy I talked about logged online as I was naming him on here but heh, I hope he doesn't speak to me.

My friend Josh said that _ _ _ wants me to say goodbye to him. Oh yeah... like I believe that and like I will say goodbye to him tomorrow. He is so going to sit and wait.

Ok this is a lot of writing. I don't care! I can write more if you want me to. I'm here fighting with myself. Stupid yeah I know. I look in AIM at _ _ _ screen name and I am like.... "Please... LOG OFF!" I am scared that he might speak to me. I don't want to see him or talk to him. I am over him. I don't love him, I don't need him and I don't want him. Phew!

I'm also about to pull my hair off thanks to the finals. Two more days of school are left and after that is two days of finals and graduation. I still can't believe it. I finally graduate this year.

Blah blah blah. I have to go now. Really. My best friend is on and I need to talk to him.

Lisa

current mood: okay
current music: Wicked Games- HIM

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