☆::..[Pixie]..::☆'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[02 Oct 2003|12:20pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | limp bizkit - behind blue eyes ]

I'm still alive for those who read. I've just lost the time and patience for typing down my little ramblings for right now...... :/

Scream at me

[13 Sep 2003|06:20pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Duran Duran ]

Some fucktard posted in my blurty saying that I was basically a tramp cause I talk about sex openly. So this little update is just for her. =D


Scream at me

[23 Aug 2003|02:55pm]
[ mood | irritated ]
[ music | Cold ]

I have a bug bite on one of my boobs. Errr.

5 WhispersScream at me

[15 Aug 2003|12:01pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Dasboard Confessional - Again I go Unnoticed ]

Leaving for Chicago tomorrow. And I'm not looking forward to it at all. This whole baptisim thing is driving me crazy. I don't see why it's such a big deal.

And since were gonna be there all weekend i'm gonna have to hear that annoying ass bump bump noise from the mexicans that drive down the street playing that god awful music. I hate that music. It always has that same beat for like every song.

Maybe we can sneak away from my dads house for a few hours and take the L to Belmont or something. That way I can escape the you need to get married lectures.

guess i beter pack.

2 WhispersScream at me

[07 Aug 2003|04:48pm]
[ mood | pleased ]
[ music | Sublime - Bad Fish ]

This past week has been some sort of O fest in our bedroom. Here I was complaing that I don't get dick enough, and now I wonder if I'm just getting it to shut me up so Jeff doesn't have to hear me say "hey, I need cock damn you!", or has he realized that we don't do it enough causing his balls to swell to where he needs to hump like some over sexed dog?

This little phase will more then likely die down and we'll go back to the twice a week routine. And then I'll have to rley on myself for great things like clitoral stimulation. No matter how good your imagination is, some things are just not that fun when your by yourself. :/

My ass hurts from sitting in this chair. Time to move it.

2 WhispersScream at me

[04 Aug 2003|01:57pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | Blindside - Invert ]

I fucking hate stupid people.....
Especially the ones where you try to be nice, then things don't go well, and the only thing they can think of to come back at you with is that you must be jealous of them. (such as their life or even the size of their tits. LOL)
It's weird how something can piss you off like that, but then find their ignorance to be extremly amusing.

Aw well, thats what I get for being too nice to these little pricks and actaully caring about their opinions/wishes. I need to be more introverted, and not so much the ex.

Time to go take my frustrations out by watching tv...and maybe some pudding. lol

Scream at me

[31 Jul 2003|11:50am]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Violent Femmes - Add It Up ]

Woke up to another day of pepsi and newports. Will most likely fill graphic requests for most of the afternoon. Yay..... I can hardly contain the excitement within me.

Now if only this fucking piece of shit computer would stop saving everything as a god damn bmp, then all would be good. I think my Animation Shop had some part to play in this. Stupid Jasc.

Bah. I'm off.

1 WhisperScream at me

I'm so bored!!! [28 Jul 2003|05:26pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Pepper ]

And Journal is being a biznatch! So more quizzes from me.

:..clickity click..: )

2 WhispersScream at me

[27 Jul 2003|03:54pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Snoop Dogg ]

Jeff and I just had afternoon sex. hehehe We better have sex tonight though! damnit.

Anyways...took this quiz and was happy cause I got Jeffs zodiac. lol

You should be dating an Aquarius.
20 January - 18 February
Your mate is communicative, thoughtful and caring.
Though he/she can be tactless and rude and
sometimes self-interested, he/she enjoys the
intellectual experience of sex.

What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Scream at me

[27 Jul 2003|02:08am]
[ mood | horny ]
[ music | Green Day - Blood, Sex, and Booze ]

Here it is 2 in the morning and Jeff has been passed out since before 1. Damnit I have needs! And I will be waking his ass up!!!

I can't belive he's asleep. You'd think wanting sex would make you stay up? I got almost 5 hours of sleep last night and I'm still up.

I'm gonna go...and wake him up. =]

Scream at me

[26 Jul 2003|01:55pm]
[ mood | recumbent ]
[ music | Whitesnake - I Just Died..... ]

I didn't get to go to bed till after 5:30! I was so scared cause I thought for sure Jeffs alarm would wake Savannah back up....but thankfully it didn't.

I'm gonna smack him when he gets home too. Fucker elbowed me last night. He hit me right on my right eyebrow bone thingy. Ouch! I t feels all bruised now too :[

Damn I need sex. Seriously. Jeff needs to take care of business. He's slacking in the keep Monica content dept. and that a no-no. I remember when we used to do it all the time. Now those were the days. But not anymore.....damn his super sperm! Too bad they can't just give you a shot and for awhile you stop producing them or eggs. That would be awesome. No raggin or blow job week. (well there would still be head of course)

Damn Savannah is driving me nutso! What the heck is her problem? I', laying her down. This is ridiculous.

Think I might take a nap too. I'm friggin tired as hell. And tomorrows Sunday so Its ok if I'm up late tonight. Besides I need lovins anyway. I'll do some mayjor cleaning when I get up too. This place needs it. And do some laundry too. Then everything will be nice when Jeffy gets home. =]

Scream at me

[26 Jul 2003|02:47am]
[ mood | lethargic ]
[ music | Weezer - Buddy Holly ]

Well, Savannh and I are up making buttons for this friend of mine on journal. I thik shes got gas and therefore is cranky and awake. damnit.

I wanted lovins tonight too. Guess I'll just have to wait till tomorrow night or whenever.
damnit x2. I was looking at Jeffs info and he's got monica there. Awwwww. I wonder how long thats been there?

Oh and as far as all the drama eith him, Bina, and I...I think this episode has pretty much passed. Can't really say for sure if it will happen again, cause I'm not sure. I know he's gonna have his posts that are filtered from me still. Theres some there now. But oh well. Nothin' I can do to change that. I told him I didn't wanna see the shit anyway, so therefore its better this way.

He killed a Rabbit the other day too. He went outside to shoot of his BB gun and was trying to scare some rabbits and ended up killing one. It died from internal bleeding, the poor thing. I knew right when he walked in too that something was wrong. He felt so bad too. And then he went and buried it in the garden after it died in a box outside our backdoor. I feel so bad for her =(

Hopefully he doesn't shoot at them again.

I just had to go wake Jeff up cause something was sparking in the back of the TV. I thought the thing was gonna catch fire! He said it was cat piss. Friggin' cats!

I got to find homes for them here quick. I'm gonna call Jason and ask him to give one to Abby and ask that guy to take Spooky. (even tough I wanna keep him...or Magick)

Well shit... I need to get to bed. I was hoping Savannah would pass out soon so I wouldn't have to go in the room with her fussin' and wake up Jeff again. But it's quarter till three and I gitta get some sleep.

Scream at me

[24 Jul 2003|02:45pm]
[ mood | pensive ]
[ music | Live - All Over You ]

I just got an email from Jeff saying that he was sorry and loved me. He stopped by too to say this also. He said he was going to talk to Bina too cuase this was stupid and he didn't want it to go on anymore. And that he felt shitty all morning cause of yesterday.

I'm glad he's sorry...cause I'm sorry too. I don't wanna fight with him. I don't like going to bed feeling like I need to sleep as close to the edge as possible. (even though I end up there cause he hogs the bed) I didn't even get to rub his butt since he fell on it cause of the fight. =(

I don't want him to talk to Bina. If he doesn't like her, I can't change that. Sometimes in life you need to wear a mask for others so you can prevent hurting the ones you love. It doesn't mean you have to be someone your not. Basically I' saying you can hate whoever, but you should atleast try to get along with them for the sake of others.

And I don't just mean me when I say that. Because this effects the girls too. For instance everytime Lex sees Bina she has to remind her that Jeff doesn't like her. And she shouldn't know that.

I meant what I said in my last post about me, and that it's time for me to take that soul vacation and change for the better.

Hopefully things will get better and maybe Jeff won't feel like he has no one, and realize that I'm here and always will be.

Scream at me

[24 Jul 2003|12:22pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Korn - Falling Away From Me ]

Another morning with a headache and swollen eyelids is what I knew I would be waking up too. Wish I could just stay in bed and let this day pass me by. Cause honestly I don't want to live it. I wish I could just wip my mind blank so I wouldn't have to think of the other night. Even though its just going to continue, and somewhere down the road another fight will break out. Nothing will ever change and I'm gonna need to accept that.

Jeff will never understand. It's always gonna be I'm on Binas side. He'll never see me for the way I'm trying to be for him. Cause he's filled with nothing but anger for her and the whole situation, and I'm supposedly not fair with them.

When it comes down to it, him and I are alot alike, yet two different people.

I shouldn't get mad for how he feels or what he writes, but it hurts. And I get angry cause it seems like it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. As long as he gets to complain about Bina and not get any gref fo doing so.

I say time and time again that I'm not going to get involved, but I end up doing so. So maybe I deserve this heartache cause I should've known better then to open my mouth. I've made my bed and now have to lay in it.

I tell them both to look away and ignore eachother, when I need to listen to my own advise and look away. Their never gonna change no matter how I feel or what I go thru to try and get them to see how their being. I can't change them, but I can change how I am. Which is too emotional, too forgiving, too concerned with their BS, and too worried about peace between them. I need a soul vacation.

It's time for a new Monica. Time to pretty much become numb with all of it. (Which is what i should have done a long time ago.) And it's time for me to stop letting myself be hurt like this.

Scream at me

[24 Jul 2003|01:27am]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | Train - Drops of Jupiter ]

And yet here we are in another fight. Like I knew we would be. And I just got done reading Jeff's post about how home life sucks. Which I also knew would happen.

When we fight certain things always happen.
1) he gets all pissed off and says hurtful things
2) i start crying
3) he doesn't understand why i'm crying
5) i say sarcastic things and become a smartass
6) he gets uposet cause of that
7) he goes and posts about it and makes me out to be the source of evil

(oh, and eventually we make up and he says he's gonna change, he's sorry, and i whine like a little bitch and say i'm sorry too.)

Only difference with this one is is that i lost it. I really had a brreakdown with all of it. I had to go into the bathroom cause I was hyperventilating from crying so hard. Every time we get into a fight I can feel myself fall apart more and more. And whats really sad is how it doesn't even seem to phase him.

I hate them both for making me feel like this., for they way they have to be, and for not trying to make things better. All they care about is what to write in their journals and how they can put the other down.

And your god damn right I expect more from you Jeff! I want to spend the rest of my life with you, we have kids together.I'm the one person who knows how great of a person you are and can be. You think those people on LJ do? Or Jess? Do you really think they care that much? Are they the ones who want to do antything and everything they can for you, if so...where are they when you get off work to greet you, or rub fucking calluses off you! And yet you say you have it so bad at home.

I'm tired, and I don't know what else to say or do anymore for you. I'm sorry I'm not the person you thought I was. And maybe it would be best for you if you did leave since you hate it here and feel like you have no one. Thats the last thing in the world that I want.... but it's wrong for me to ask you to change and for you to be unhappy.

I love you more then anything, and I'm sorry this isn't the life you wanted.

Scream at me

[23 Jul 2003|05:20pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | i have a headace ]

I can't believe Jeff can write the things he does. What an ass! I'm so sick of acting this way. I can't fuckin' take it anymore. She wouldn't dare write something like "he's not worth the air that he breathes" so why does he have to push me to this limit?

After all that I love you and I'm gonna stop BS too. Yah, sure your gonna stop. You love all this shit and having things to complain about.

Oh well, on a lighter note. Couldn't sleep again last night so I stayed up making blinkies. I made one pixel by pixel. Damn that shit was hard! No joke!!! But I'm glad I did it. Then I went and customized this icon for a friend. It feels good making stuff for others. =)

Thats about it. Don't really want to write anymore.

Scream at me

[20 Jul 2003|02:18am]
[ mood | drunk ]

Well, I ended up having a pretty good time. I drank too much too fast though. :/ But I feel better now and didn't get sick. (thank goodness)

I went out in the lot with Jen and Bina and had a hit of weed of Jens pipe too. But I'm already ok from that.

Jeff on th other hand is already passed out on the floor. LMAO I'm gonna go help him finish gettind un-dressed and go pass out. M-m-m pillow!!!

Scream at me

[17 Jul 2003|10:31pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | none ]

Well, it turns out that making this journal was just a waste of time. Why bother having a private thing to write in when it can't even be that way?

I would finish typing htis, but guess what jeff, once a again you are the reason I am crying right now. Thanx hun.

Scream at me

[16 Jul 2003|04:33pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

These past few nights I haven't been able to sleep very well. I don't go to sleep until like 5 in the morning. I lay there and toss and turn, and sometimes just get up and get on the computer. There really isn't anything on my mind, I just can't sleep.

An when I do finally get to sleep I have all these weird dreams. Alot of them mostly about sex. o_O I dunno, maybe I'm just not getiing enough livins'.

Damnit, I thought the AC guy was suppose to fix the air!? It's still all messed up. Next time I see Lee I'm gonna let him know, or have Jeff email him.

Oh yah, some guy emailed me about my profile (jeff just walked in hehehe, this outta be good). He lives here in town and wants me to email him back telling a little about myself. I feel kinda weird about it. LOL But, then again it alkready says on it that I'm in a long term realationship....so maybe it's not that big of a thing.

Well, I'll update later...I'm gonna tell Jeff about "Tulip" hehe

Scream at me

[14 Jul 2003|01:00am]
[ mood | content ]

Oooh look at the new icon I made! I really like it. Well thats all really. LOL

Scream at me

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